


Won't Let You Go

by consultingdramaqueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Abuse, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, First Time, Fluff, Fluffish, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-01
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-25 06:55:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 77,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/950047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/consultingdramaqueen/pseuds/consultingdramaqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak can best be described in one word: sad. Dean Winchester can best be described in another word: lost. Until they met each other, of course. It was a simple love story. They met, they fell in love, they were happy. Until one day their simple, happy, love story was no longer simple. Much less happy. High school-college AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for some time, and so far there's seven chapters. I'll probably update once a week so I don't get to ahead of myself and end up going weeks without updating... Which is sort of what I'm doing with my Klaine fic. Oops. 
> 
> I'm sorry about the really horrible summary. I'm horrible at summarizing my fanfic. Sigh. 
> 
> Alright, a few things I want to say before you read (unless you're ignoring this then whatever):
> 
> There's a possibility I will add to the character list or wanking list as I write, so make sure to check to see if I added something you hate before reading. Oh, and not to give anything up too much, but this is semi-based on the Notebook, but not till later chapters. I just wanted to point that out before someone said something about it. 
> 
> Yeah, this is my first Destiel chapter fic. I really, honestly, hope I didn't fuck it up. 
> 
> Anyways... Have fun reading! :)

The air was cold and brisk that night as he walked along the road, but he didn’t really care all that much. It was nice for him to clear his mind for once, and to not have anything to think about. Not that he normally had an abundance of thoughts on his mind, he just thought that it was nice to get away from everything, and everyone, every once in a while. He liked the time alone, when there was no one around he had to put up an act for or anything of such nature. He didn’t have to act any sort of way, or say any sort of thing, he could just… be.

It wasn’t that he had to act a certain way or do a certain thing often. He didn’t have a necessarily sheltered personality, nor did he ever really feel the need to act a certain way in front of anyone. He was his own person, and for that he was grateful. Constantly, he’d look around and see all these people, people he’d known for years, acting and doing things to be a considered accepted or _cool,_ but they weren’t really themselves. He never had to worry about such things; people just _liked_ him for some reason. He never planned for people to like him this much, but they just did. It wasn’t that he was complaining or anything; life is always easier when there are people who like you. And hell, he liked being liked.

The point was, he wasn’t like that. Not really. However, he did feel a strong urge to constantly _not_ disappoint his family. John, his father, and Sam, his brother, were all he’d had. His mother had died when he was only four in a house fire in their old house, leaving him with barely any memory of her. His father worked a lot, not _too_ much, but just enough so he could support his family. Dean was forever grateful for the fact that his dad was like that: always willing to work his hardest for his family. Though, he and his dad didn’t necessarily get along one-hundred percent of the time, he was glad he had him; he _was_ his father after all.

When it came to not getting along with their father, Sam was pretty much covered in that department. At times they could get on just fine, but others… Well, Dean had always suspected that the underlying problem between Sam and John Winchester—other than the fact that they were _Winchesters—_ was that Sammy had always known where he was headed in life. The kid was only a freshman and he pretty much already had his life splayed out in front of him… And that scared their father. Hell, it scared Dean. The way John saw it, at least from what Dean could tell, was that Sam would eventually be leaving. Maybe it reminded him of losing their mother on a different scale.

He knew his father would never have to deal with him like that. Dean wasn’t going anywhere, not that there was anywhere he _could_ go. Dean wasn’t exceptionally good at any kind of sport—not enough to go anywhere with it, at least—he was just _Dean._ He had a rough idea of how his life would play out: he’d barely graduate, get a full-time job at the mechanic shop down the road with his Dad, eventually marry some girl he was sort of, half-in love with, pop out a few kids and eventually, and after all was said and done, he’d die. Pretty simpler, so he thought. It was nothing like how Sam’s life would play out, that was for sure, but he guessed it wasn’t a big deal. He’d stay in Lawrence, he’d stay around his father, and… and that was that. That would be his life, and he was fine with it.

At least, that’s what he hoped.               

-0-

            Waking up at six in the morning sucked, Dean decided as his alarm went off. He was tempted to turn the damn thing off and not even bother getting out of bed—what was the point, anyways?—but he didn’t. He couldn’t just blow off school for no reason whatsoever, his father’s words, not his. Even though he did often skip classes and blow off some—if not most—projects and assignments, he usually made an attempt to actually show up to the hell-hole. Even if he did hate that place with all of his heart. Nothing good had _ever_ came out of school for him; why should today be any different? 

With a loud and maybe a bit over-dramatic sigh, Dean heaved himself out of bed and into his bathroom. He felt like a zombie, his movements being so lethargic and slow that he was barely even convinced he was even making them. Slowly but certainly surely, though, he managed to walk over to the shower, turn on the water— _hot_ —and to get inside once his pajama bottoms were off and on the ground.

For a while, he just stood under the almost scolding hot water that was bursting out of the faucet and let it run over him. He’d never admit it, not to anyone in the world, but he kind of felt… lost. He’d constantly look around and see people going somewhere, and then there was him with his barely there life plan. He guessed it didn’t bother himself too much, but sometimes—and not that he’d ever say it out loud—he dreamed of more. He didn’t know what, though. Maybe that was his problem.

After his shower, he walked downstairs to find Sam eating breakfast—Lucky Charms, just like he’d eaten every day since he was three—and his father sipping on a hot cup of coffee. _Coffee,_ that was what he needed. He poured himself a cup quickly and without saying anything to anyone else. Then again, it wasn’t uncommon for Dean to be a complete recluse until he had his first cup of black coffee.

“Mornin’ Dean,” his dad said after a moment to let his son drink his coffee. John Winchester knew his son well, and he was definitely sympathetic with his not wanting to wake up in the morning; Dean couldn’t put it into words how overwhelmingly thankful of that one particular aspect of his father. 

“Mornin’,” he responded through a half-yawn. He looked over at Sam and sniggered before grasping the Lucky Charms away from him as he was about to pair a second bowl. “Good morning to you too, Sir Charm,” he teased.

Sam rolled his eyes and snatched the box away from his older brother. “Jerk,” he muttered as he successfully poured himself another bowl.

“Bitch.” Dean smiled and laughed a bit, ruffling Sam’s hair just so he could watch him squirm away.  

John laughed softly and shook his head a tiny bit at his sons’ antics before downing the rest of his coffee. “Dean, when you’re finished, I want you to come outside.”

Before Dean could question his father, he was out the door. Dean raised his brow and looked over to Sam, who was still finishing his Lucky Charms. “Do you have any idea what that was about?” he asked. Sam just shrugged and took another bite, but Dean knew he knew; there wasn’t a thing he didn’t know about that kid, and he _definitely_ knew when he was lying. “You do,” he stated; it had supposed to be a question, but it didn’t come out that way. “Come on, Sammy, tell me!” Dean exclaimed, his voice half-excited and half-nervous. Who knew what his father had up his sleeve.

            “Can’t,” Sam said as he stood up to pit his bowl in the sink. “Dad made me promise.”

“Promise what?” Dean questioned, knowing his voice was borderline overly enthusiastic. Not that he cared or anything.

“Just go outside and see, Dean!” Sam said, turning on the water to wash the few dishes in the sink.

Dean sighed and chugged down the rest of his coffee quickly before putting the up in the sink with the rest of the dishes, sincerely hoping Sam would just wash it for him. He doubted he would, and even if he did, he’d probably bitch about it, but either way, Dean wasn’t planning on cleaning anything.

He walked outside to see what it was that his father had wanted to show him. His nerves were starting to eat him up inside, but he didn’t let it get to him too much. Whatever it was, he had a feeling it was good, based on Sam’s reaction. Or non-reaction, really.

“Dad?” he called out, rounding the corner of their small house—they’d had to move after the house fire, seeing it had burnt almost completely to the ground—and over the garage that sat a little ways to the left of their house.

“In here!” John called, but Dean couldn’t see him because of the garage door, which was half closed.

Dean walked a little closer to the garage and fucked under the half-opened door to get inside. “Was their something you wanted to talk to me about, Dad?” he asked, seeing his dad leaning against the 1967 Impala that his father held so dear to his heart.

There was a large smile on John’s face, which was honestly a rarity. Ever since their mother had died, his dad didn’t smile that much. It’d already been fourteen years, and Dean still wasn’t aware that his father was over his mother’s death. Then again, do people ever, fully, get over a death of someone they love? He didn’t think so. Not one-hundred percent.

John had the keys to the car in his hand, throwing them up and catching them repeatedly in his hand. “You’ll be eighteen in a few weeks, right?” his dad said, his wide smile more of a knowing smirk now.

Dean raised his brown slightly. “Uh… yes, sir,” he answered, his eyes falling from his Dad to the car his dad was sitting on, back to his dad. “Why?” His father’s smile brightened even more as John threw the keys to the Impala over to Dean. He caught them quickly, and for a moment he just _stared_ at them, as if his dad had thrown a gun at him. “W-why?” he repeated, his voice stuttering slightly because _honestly,_ he couldn’t believe what he was imagining his father was saying.

“She’s yours,” his dad said, getting off the hood and walking a tad bit closer to his son. “I know how much you love this car, Dean. I was going to wait until you actually turned eighteen,” a soft chuckle as he shook his head, “but then I decided it’d probably be better that you have her beforehand.”

Dean Winchester was speechless. And that _never_ happened. His stares went from the keys, the car, his father, back to the keys, the car, his father before he managed to form words, somehow. “You-you’re giving me your car.” It was a statement, and just as earlier, he hadn’t meant it to be. He couldn’t believe it. The car… _the Impala_ was all _his._

John nodded and clapped his son’s shoulder, still with that smile on his face. “Take good care of her, Dean,” he said, squeezing Dean’s shoulder once before pulling it away and starting to walk outside.

“Dad, thank—”

Dean had started to thank his father in a way that would have probably been long, rambly, and embarrassing for the both of them. “Don’t mention it,” his father cut him off, saving them both the time and trouble. “And take your brother to school!” he called out as he continued to walk.

-0-

            Dean was almost one-hundred percent sure that he’d completely deafened Sam, just riding to school. He’d turned up the music as loud as it went and practically scream-sang all the songs. He could feel the frustration radiating off of Sam, but he didn’t care. It was his car. _His car._ He couldn’t get over the fact that his father had given him the Impala that he’d always held so close to himself. But he did, and now it was his. _His._ He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to wrap his arms around that fact. He was so excited his could barely contain himself.

The exact moment he parked, Sam opened the door and nearly bolted out of the car. “God, you almost killed us with that speed,” he grumbled.

Dean laughed heartedly and ran his hand across roof of the car. “C’mon, man. You _loved_ it,” he exclaimed, still through his laughter. “And I really wasn’t going that fast. Only about—”

“Eighty in a forty-five mile per hour zone, yeah,” Sam said, but Dean knew he was just teasing now. Even if he wasn’t, there was no way _anyone_ could pull him out of this mood. He felt like he was walking on sunshine. He’d never had his own car before, and for his first car, hell, if it were to be his _only_ car he’d be happy for ages.

“Man, I love this car!” he exclaimed, finally pulling himself away from it so he could walk himself into school. “I can’t believe Dad gave her to me.”

“He’d been planning to for ages,” Sam announced as they walked into the double-doors that lead to the hallways of Lawrence High. “He was going to wait till your turned eighteen, but he changed his mind.”

“Why?” Dean asked, not that it even mattered.

Sam shrugged and stopped at his locker. “Don’t know.”

Dean smiled anyways, patting Sam on the back once before smiling widely. “I’ll see ya later, Sammy.”

“Don’t call me—”

Before Sam could finish his useless argument, Dean started walking to his first period class. It wasn’t that he _wanted_ to be there, because honestly he’d have rather been anywhere else than in history, but he had to tell his friends about everything. He still had a hard time believe that his dad had actually given him his car, and that was after he’d driven it to school. Maybe telling someone else, other than Sam who had already known, he’d finally get it to settle in that _that was his car._

Obviously, Dean was on cloud-nine. He’d loved his father’s— _his_ —car since he could remember. He was positively ecstatic, and he’d planned on telling Jo and Ash, his two best friends, about it the second he saw them. He walked over to their three desks that sat in the back of the room. He was still kind of surprised that the three of them had managed to be put into the same lass together, happy and honestly relieved, yet still surprised. He didn’t think too much into it though, he didn’t really like to look a gift horse in the mouth.

As he made his way to his seat, not bothering to look anywhere but at his seat in between Jo and Ash, he couldn’t think about anything other than how they’d react. He was positive that Ash would go crazy and beg him to let him drive it, even though that would _never_ in a millions years happen, and Jo would be jealous that her mom was making her save up for her own car, but secretly be happy for him. All in all, he was _really_ excited he’d decided to get out of bed this morning; imagine if he hadn’t—

Before Dean saw it coming, he ran right into something, rather, someone. The impact was kind of hard considering Dean had been walking so fast and barely bothering to pay attention at all to anyone or anything around him, thus, knocking himself and whoever he’d just tan into over. The fall wasn’t too bad considering Dean caught himself on the desk next to him. The other guy, well, he fell right on his ass, his books and the small backpack he was holding on the floor with him. It was one of those moments in which Dean _really_ felt like a dick.

He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, but it didn’t really bother him that much. He sighed and looked over to the kid across from him, who had just managed to get up and begin to gather his many books and papers. Dean, realizing it was all kind of his fault, started to help. “Hey, sorry about that,” Dean said as he began to stand up. The guy, who was still trying to make sure he’d lost nothing else, looked up to meet Dean’s gaze. For a moment, Dean was speechless. He looked at him and had no other thought than _damn, his eyes are really fucking blue._ He looked at the unknown-boy, who was still on his knees, on the ground, for a few moments without saying anything whatsoever. Neither of them did. They both just kind of… stared for a moment or two before snapping out of it.

“It was not your fault.” The guy stood up and took the books and few papers that had fallen astray that Dean had handed him. His voice was deep and sort of gruff, and it wasn’t at all what Dean was expecting. He wasn’t small or scrawny, per se, but he wasn’t exactly tall or gruff.

Dean shook his head a little bit and handed him the last book he’d dropped. “Nah, man, it totally was. I’m sorry, I really wasn’t paying attention.” Dean was expecting the other guy to say something, anything really, but instead he just nodded and looked away from Dean and walked up to the front of the room to sit down.

For a moment, Dean just stood there, and stared at the guy. He didn’t seem… normal. Not in a bad way, though. Just in a… weird way. For one, he was wearing a _trench coat,_ and a tie. Dean couldn’t remember seeing anyone wearing a tie to school since seventh-grade for picture day. He didn’t know why, but there was something about him that made him wonder, wonder about everything about that random kid who’d he’d just knocked on his ass.

For a moment, Dean just stood there and stared at the back of his mystery stranger, trying for some unknown reason to take in as much information about him as possible.

Eventually, the bell that started first period rang and everyone scurried to their seats, including Dean. For a moment he was almost sure he’d hit his head when he fell, because he’d forgotten everything about everything except for his stranger. He couldn’t figure out why the hell he was so intrigued with him, they’d only said a few words to each other, anyways. There really wasn’t any reason to give what’s-his-face a second thought. But that didn’t stop him from thinking about him throughout most of Mrs. Watson’s extremely boring lecture on the French Inquisition. He’d managed to convince himself the only reason he was still thinking about the boy was because he was new. They didn’t get a whole lot of new students, anyways.

“Dean!” He was forced out of his thoughts by Jo prodding him in the side with her mechanical pencil. “What the hell are you thinking about?” she questioned in a harsh whisper, considering the teacher was still talking.

Dean was still a moment as he peeled his eyes off of the back of the boy in the trench coat, and over to his friend. After a second, he gave her one of his signature charming smiles. “My car,” he whispered.

Ash’s head turned to face them both at the mention of a car. “You’re what?” he asked, luckily still in a whisper, but still a little louder than necessary.

“Quiet, will ya?” Dean whispered, his smile turning into a joking smirk. His mind reverted from his mystery stranger back to his car. His car. His baby. He was still in shock. He’d always assumed his dad would give it to him _some_ day, but he’d always assumed he’d have to do a shitload of work to get it. He never could have guessed his dad would just hand him his car over. “My dad gave me the Impala. She’s all mine.” There was so much pride coming from Dean’s voice, he could practically feel himself glowing, but he didn’t care. It was the first time in an extremely long time that he felt truly happy.

“Awesome!” Ash said, his voice drawing out a little towards the end. Dean swore he sounded like a stoner half the time. “Can I dri—”

“Don’t even _finish_ that question, Ash,” Dean cut him off, sending him a glare. “No one’s driving my car. _No one._ Especially with your driving skills.”

The three laughed softly before noticing that their teacher was starting to send glares back to them. They straightened up in their desks and looked back up at her, pretending to pay attention again. Well, for all Dean knew, Jo and Ash could have very well been paying attention again. Dean on the other hand, let his mind drift off, as he did in most classes. He wasn’t ever able to completely focus on anything when it came to school. He paid enough attention to get by with C’s, high D’s and the occasional B, never anything higher than that. He was fine with it though. It wasn’t like he was ever going to college or anything like that. And he was… fine with that too. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh God, the grammar probably sucks. I'm fucking exhausted... I hope it's not too bad. Anyways, enjoy! :)

 

Dean didn’t see much of his mystery stranger again that day. He saw him in passing once or twice in the hall, once in lunch—where he’d appeared to be sitting alone to the side of the lunch room—and in his study hall period, which Dean was only in for about a minute so he could convince his friend Charlie to skip with him. Other than that, he knew nothing about him, though he had found out his name. Castiel Novak. Beyond that, he knew nothing about him… and it was driving him _crazy._ He didn’t know why, but there was something about Castiel that just made him think. He wanted to get to know him more.

Dean rode home alone that afternoon, considering Sam was going over to his friend Kevin’s house to study something or another. As much as he loved his little brother, Dean was glad to be alone. He could turn the radio up as loud as he wanted, listen to whatever songs he wanted and sing along as loud as he could without having to bother with his brother yelling at him to turn it down. Sure, it was always in good fun, but some days Dean just wanted to be alone.

He didn’t bother going home for a while, not that it mattered considering he’d be the only one there once he arrived. His dad wouldn’t be getting home from work at the garage till late that night, and he didn’t necessarily want to sit alone in his house. He didn’t mind being along, it was just he didn’t want to be alone in his house, if he was going to be alone, it was going to be where he pleased.

So he drove. He wasn’t going anywhere, in particular, but he just drove around town until he could find something that interested him in doing until he deemed it necessary to go home.

And he did, alongside the road, walking slowly along the sidewalk.

He smiled softly to himself and pulled to the side of the road. “Hey, it’s Castiel, isn’t it?” he said, trying not to sound to menacing. He knew he’d be sort of creeped out if some random guy pulled up to him as he walked.

Castiel stopped and turned to the side to face Dean. It was obvious to him that Castiel looked sad, or at least tired. How long had he been walking? School let out almost an hour ago… Was he still walking home? Why didn’t just take the bus? “Yes,” he answered quietly, looking down a tiny bit so he wasn’t looking right into Dean’s eyes.

“Oh. Well, hi. I’m Dean,” he introduced himself with one of his charming smiles. Castiel just nodded a little and clutched the book he was holding closer to his chest.

“Hello, Dean.” His voice, like it had been before, was deep and almost rough, and even Dean couldn’t help to notice that it was sort of calming to listen to. Or at least, it would be if there wasn’t so much mystery and unknown sadness to it. “Did you… need something?”

Dean smiled once again and shook his head. “No, man, you just looked sad, walking alone and all. You know, you could’ve taken the bus home, right?”

“I don’t like the bus,” Castiel admitted, still not looking into Dean’s eyes.

“Neither do I,” Dean agreed. Something about it had always made him uncomfortable; between the bratty girls who had attempted to do their make up on the bus, the jocks who thought they owned the back seat, the poor nerdy kids who always got their glasses or books knocked to the side by said assholes that sat in the back and the bus drivers who just simply didn’t give a shit about what went on, he had preferred to walk. Until today, of course, when he _finally_ got his car. “Bunch of dickheads ride, ya know?” Castiel nodded and shuffled his weight from one foot to the other. He didn’t seem like he was too good at make small talk. “Do you want a ride home?”

Castiel seemed to look like he was considering it, but after a moment he shook his head and started to walk again. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

Dean frowned, but refused to give up that easily. “Oh, come on, it’ll be dark in a while,” he tried, honestly not trying to sound to creepy. He honestly did just want to help the guy out. “It’s the least I can do after I knocked you over like I did earlier,” he said as he drove slowly next to Castiel.

Castiel turned to the side to face Dean in his car, and Dean tapped his foot on the gas. “You don’t mind taking me home?” he asked, his voice quiet again.

Dean smiled and patted the passenger seat. “Not at all.”

Castiel nodded a little and opened the door before sliding into the car, putting his bag on the ground and his book on his lap neatly. Dean smiled over at him and started moving again. “So, where do you live, Cas?”

Castiel stilled a moment and didn’t respond. He acted as if no one had ever given him a nickname before. After a second, he gave Dean the address, which even when driving, was still about fifteen minutes away. It would have taken him most of the night to walk home.

“Wow, that’s pretty far away,” Dean voiced his opinion, looking over at the boy in the passenger seat. “Do you walk to school too?”

He shook his head and tapped his fingers gently on the book that sat on his lap. “No. My uncle drops me off on his way to work, but he doesn’t get home till late, so I have to walk or take the bus.” He shook his head a little and looked down at the book again. “There’s too many people on the bus, so I walk instead.”

Dean could sympathize with that, there were always too many people on the bus. He’d usually just walk to school or ride with his dad before he got his car. “So, where do you come from?” he asked as he drove.

“Maine. My family and I moved here last week,” he answered simply, looking from his book to out the window.

“Maine? That’s a pretty long ways a way from Kansas. Why’d you move here?”

Dean could see Castiel shrug from the corner of his eye. “We move around a lot. My family is very involved with the church, and they like to help with, and even start, new churches around the country.”

Dean felt this weird kind of sadness settle inside his gut. “Does that mean you’ll be moving again soon?” he asked.

“I don’t think so,” Castiel answered, and relief replaced the weird sadness that had just been inside of Dean. “They—we’re starting a new church here, which usually takes longer than simply helping out.”

Dean nodded and made a _mhm_ noise. He knew virtually nothing about religion, other than basics that he’d learned from watching television; the last time he remembered going to church was when he was about three, with his mother. All he remembered was quietly playing with toy cars in his mother’s lap while the pastor talked about being ‘born again’ or something. Dean couldn’t remember, but then again, he _was_ three.

“So, you got any brothers or sisters?” he asked, changing the subject.

“Yes. I have three older brothers,” he answered. “Do you?”

Dean smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I’ve got a little brother. He’s a freshman, but the kid is smarter than me.” He laughed and looked over at Castiel, who was still staring straight out into the road. “So… you said your Uncle took you to school. Do you live with him? Or do you live with your parents?”

“My mother died when I was young, and my father…” he was quiet for a little before biting gently at his lip and answering, “my father left us about a year and a half later. We, my brothers Gabriel, Michael and Luke, went to live with our Uncle Zachariah.”

“Wow,” Dean said under his breath. “I’m sorry, man.”

Cas shrugged again and looked back down to his book, where his fingers took up the same rhythm they’d been beating at a moment before. “I’m fine,” he answered, his voice flat and sounded almost as if what he was saying were true.

“Dude, one thing I’ve learned is that when someone says ‘I’m fine’ it usually means they aren’t fine,” Dean pointed out, knowing very well how often he’d said the two words and not meant it in his life.

Cas frowned as his fingers, once again, stopped moving. “I’m used to it,” he amended, but this time his voice sounded a lot sadder. Dean couldn’t blame him, he’d be sad too, under the circumstances. He’d lived in Lawrence, Kansas his whole life, and in the same house except for the first four years of his life. His dad might not be father of the year (except for the fact that he gave Dean his car, in which he’d be forever grateful for) but he did his best for them, and he’d never just up and leave them without another word, especially not after their mother had died.

“Still sucks, man,” Dean said as he pulled up into Castiel’s driveway. The house was small, and definitely didn’t look like it could fit the Cas’ siblings, him, and his Uncle. Dean’s house was bigger, and it was only just the three of them. “Alright, here we are,” he said, putting the car in park.

Castiel nodded before putting his book on the dashboard and leaning down, picking up his book bag and opening the door before getting out and slinging it over his shoulder. “Thank you for the ride,” he said softly, looking at Dean for a long moment before closing the door behind him.

He started to walk away before Dean could say anything back to him. Dean watched Cas walk up to his front door dig his keys out of the side of his bag; there was still so much mystery surrounding him, and Dean was bound and determined to figure out Castiel Novak once and for all.

Dean started to pull out of the driveway before he saw the book Cas had left on the dashboard fall and hit the ground. Dean put the car in park again before reaching over and grabbing it and walking up to Cas’ front door. He knocked a few times, expecting Cas to come to the door immediately, but he didn’t. No one came for at least a minute, before a man, who appeared to be in his early to mid-twenties opened the door. “Yes?” he said, his voice dark and cold.

Dean gulped. Not a lot of people made him nervous, but this guy did. “Uh, Hi. I’m Dean.” The man blinked, obviously not showing any interest in who he was. “Cas… Castiel left this in my car,” he said, handing the book over to the man, noticing how Cas came, practically running down the stairs, and to the door.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, but Dean wasn’t sure if the apology was towards him or to the other man, who Dean assumed was one of Cas’ brothers. Either way, he didn’t know why Cas was apologizing. “Thank you, Dean,” he said, reaching his hand out to take the book.

Dean smiled at him and handed him the book. “No problem. See you at school tomorrow?”

Cas nodded and retreated back up the stairs, almost as fast as he had come down them. Before Dean could say anything else, the door was slammed in his face.

 _God, what is wrong with this family?_ Dean wondered as he walked back to his car.

-0-

            The next day, on their way to school, Dean had the radio down low, lost in thought. He’d thought a majority of the night about Castiel, but he didn’t know why. Maybe it was the mystery of it all, maybe it was the sad vibe Cas gave off; Dean had no idea. No matter what it was, Dean couldn’t figure out why the hell he was so _fucking_ hung up on the guy. He’d only known him for less than a day, and had only had one conversation with him, yet he was so captivated by him.

“Dean?” Sam said, jostling his brother from his thoughts as he drove.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” The younger Winchester asked, his brow raised. “Yesterday, around this time, you had the radio up full blast and were speeding to your heart’s content. Today you’re actually driving like a responsible driver. Are you sick?”

Dean rolled his eyes and glared at Sam from the side of his eye. “Fuck you,” he muttered before shrugging a little. “I’m fi-I’m okay. I just have some… things on my mind. Why don’t you mind your own business, anyways?”

Sam put his hands up in defeat. “Hey, there’s no need to get bitchy about it. I was just asking a question… Jerk.”

A small smiled crossed Dean’s lips. “Bitch.”

The rest of the ride, which really wasn’t that long, was spent in a comfortable silence. Dean suspected Sam was deep in thought about whatever academic shit he had going on that day, and Dean… well, Dean was still thinking about Castiel, and the man that had answered the door the day before. He seemed so cold and definitely rude. He didn’t know that much about Cas, but one thing was for sure that he was _not_ happy. He could tell that easily.

In all honesty, he looked like he needed a friend. And Dean was friendly. Usually.

He walked into first period, in hopes to maybe see Cas again, but he wasn’t there. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t show up, though, considering Dean was a few minutes early, for probably the first time in his life, too. He took his seat next to Jo and looked to the front of the room to wait and see when, or if, Castiel would show up.

“Um, hi?” Jo said from his side, flicking him in the side of the head. “Dude, are you lost or something? You’re _never_ here this early.”

Dean rolled his eyes and ran his hand over where she had flicked him. “I didn’t feel like waiting in the hall, that’s all. There were a group of sophomores out there trying to act all badass. I didn’t feel like watching them get there asses kicked by some seniors.” It wasn’t a total lie, but still not the entire truth, but Jo didn’t seem to notice, and if she did, she didn’t care.

They chatted aimlessly for the next few minutes before Ash came in, who joined their conversation. That was until Castiel came in. That’s when Dean dropped completely out of the conversation and leaned forward in his seat to watch Castiel. He entertained getting up and going to talk to him, but before he could act on it, the bell rang.

It was like a repeat of yesterday; Mrs. Watson lectured further on about the French Inquisition, Jo and Ash whispered back and forth ever once and a while, and Dean watched Castiel. He seemed pretty invested in the lesson, too. His eyes were constantly diverting from the notebook he kept in front of him, up to the teacher, and back down to his notebook. It was kind of cute.

Wait… Cute?

Class was over quickly enough, and Dean stood up without another word to Jo or Ash, and walking over to Cas as fast as he could without running or causing a ruckus. Cas was just standing up from his desk and slinging the bag he cared over one of his arms.

Dean smiled at him and handed him the book on his desk. “Hi,” he said, watching as Cas took the book and pressed it to his chest.

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said, blinking a few times as if he were confused as to why Dean was even talking to him.

“What’s your next class?” Dean asked as he started out the room, Castiel following him.

Cas was silent a moment before answering, “Science. Room two-sixteen.”

Dean smiled and continued walking next to Castiel in the direction of his room. “Awesome.”

“Awesome…?” He said the word like he’d never heard it before in his life.

Dean chuckled and nodded a tiny bit. “Yeah, I mean, my next class is math and it’s right across the hall from that, so I might as well walk with you.”

“I-I… I suppose so.” He sounded unsure about the whole situation, but also a little bit grateful that he’d have someone to walk with.

“Was that your brother that answered the door yesterday?” Dean asked casually as they maneuvered their way through the mass herd of students trying to get from point A to point B.

Dean saw Cas nod his head the smallest bit. He looked sad again, but Dean was starting to think that maybe looking sad was a normal thing for Castiel Novak. “Yes. Michael,” he answered.

“He seemed… charming,” Dean muttered sarcastically.

“I can’t see why you would think that,” Castiel said dryly, obviously not catching the sarcastic twinge to Dean’s voice. “He’s actually rather rude and—”

“I know, Cas,” Dean cut him off with a small smile. “He didn’t seem too nice. I was being sarcastic.”

“Oh,” Cas said under his breath. “I see.”

“Here we are,” Dean said after a moment, pointing to Cas’ class as he leaned against the wall next to the door of his class. “I guess I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Yes, I suppose,” Cas said before walking swiftly into his classroom. Dean sighed softly to himself before walking past his class. He hated math, and he’d only skipped class—not including study hall—a few times this year. He really didn’t feel like sitting through another day of math anyways; it wasn’t like algebra two was going to get him anywhere in life, especially if he was just going to be a mechanic.

So he walked outside and to the bleachers, walking up to the top and splaying out across the top seat. He looked up at the sky, and stared at the clouds. He remembered when he was little, his mother and father taking him outside at their old house and telling him to look up and tell them what shapes he could see. He remembered, back then, seeing trains, cars, guitars, dinosaurs and even a spaceship once.

Now, all he saw were white blobs of cotton, floating and lost; sort of like him. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than normal, sorry about that. I don't think many chapters will be 2k words from now on. They should be at least 3k, but more often than not 4k+ :)

Having to wait for Sam to get out of his after school, wasn’t fun, Dean decided. He had nothing to do, and after a while even listening to music was starting to bore him. So he just sat there, the music down low in his car as he sat on top of the hood of his car. He watched the busses leave, and realized that if they were just now leaving, he’d be there for a _long_ time. He didn’t know why his dad was making him take Sam home, anyways. He had legs, he could walk!

It wasn’t that Dean minded doing things for Sammy, because he didn’t. Hell, he’d take a bullet for the kid, at least that’d be more exciting than waiting for him to get out of a speech and debate club meeting.

He looked at his watch and realized that Sam wouldn’t be getting out for at least another thirty or so minutes, so he decided to take a walk around. Not that there was anything to see, or do, around the school. So he settled for kicking a rock around the pavement absently. There was nothing else to do, and Dean was starting to get restless. He hated waiting, especially with nothing to do. He didn’t especially mind if someone was with him, because at least he’d have someone to talk to, mess with, or make out with, depending on who they were.

Not that he’d been doing a lot of making out lately. His last two girlfriend’s had dumped him for not being ‘emotionally invested’ enough or something along those lines, and the girls in between had just been one-time things. Nothing ever came out of them, other than a fun night, and he was perfectly okay with that. Even the girls he dated, he never felt any emotional connection with, so he never really felt the need to be with them any longer than he had been, which probably explained the whole ‘not emotionally invested’ thing.

Dean spent the next few minutes kicking the rock around aimlessly, not bothering to look up and see who or what was around him. He thought he was alone.

He thought wrong.

Once again, he ran right into Castiel, neither paying attention, obviously. Luckily, this time neither of them feel down, which was good, because falling down on asphalt and falling down on the floors of the school are two _very_ different things.

“Cas!” He said, sort of surprised, he’d thought he’d have gotten started on the long walk home by now. “Hey, I didn’t see you there. Sorry.”

Cas nodded and turned to face Dean. “It’s okay. I wasn’t paying attention, myself.” He was quiet for a moment before looking around at the parking lot. “Why are you still here?” he questioned.

“I’m waiting for my little brother to get out some club meeting,” he said, giving the rock one last final kick to the other side of the parking lot, onto the soft grass across from them. “What about you?”

“I was in the library, checking some things out before I started my walk home,” Castiel answered. Dean sort of expected Cas to walk away then, which was kind of a thing he did, apparently. But he didn’t, he stood there in front of Dean, still pretty close to him too. Dean had to take a step back, just for comfort’s sake.

“Get anything good?” Dean asked, not seeing any books in Cas’ hands.

“No,” he answered, shaking his head. “Everything I found to be interesting, I’d already read. I’m not really one for rereading things, either.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Dean said, which wasn’t a complete lie. He didn’t like rereading things, because that required him to actually read them first. “So, wasted time, huh? Bet that sucks.”

Cas shook his head and looked to the side, averting his eyes from Dean. “No, I don’t mind. It’s better than—” he stopped short of whatever he was going to say, and shook his head. “Nothing.”

“What?” Dean asked, raising his brow. “Come on, man, it can’t be too bad,” he said with a small smile.

Cas sighed and crossed his arms protectively against his chest. “It’s better than going home.”

“I can imagine, that walk home must suck ass. What is it, an hour?”

“Two,” Cas corrected, but still shook his head. “The walk itself isn’t bad, I just… don’t like being home.”

Dean frowned. He hadn’t known Cas that long, but he could already tell that the guy had some real bad issues. He felt bad for him, honestly. To Dean, family meant a lot. He couldn’t imagine hating to go home to one every day. “Well… if you want, you can wait here with me until Sammy gets out of his meeting?” Dean offered with a small shrug. “I can give you another lift home afterwards.”

Cas looked hesitant, but after a moment he nodded his head. “If you wouldn’t mind,” he answered, his voice tentative, like he was expecting Dean to push him away and tell him to get lost at any moment.

Dean smiled and motioned for Cas to follow him over to his car. Dean hoisted himself up onto the hood and leaned back against the windshield, waiting for Cas to do the same, but he didn’t. He stood there and just sort of… stared at Dean. It should’ve been creepy, but it really wasn’t. Dean laughed a little and patted the space next to him. “Come on, you don’t wanna stand there for the next,” he looked at his watch, “twenty-five minutes, do you?”

“I guess not,” Cas said, sitting himself up on the hood of the car before slowly scotching back to sit next to Dean.

“So,” Dean started, sitting up so he could look at Cas. “Tell me about your brothers.”

Cas tensed up. Dean hadn’t realized what a touchy subject Castiel’s brothers were until now. They must’ve _really_ not gotten along, or something. “Gabriel is nineteen, Lucifer is twenty-four and Michael is twenty-six.”

“Lucifer?” Dean asked, blinking a few times. “Wait… like, Satan?” he asked, his voice a whisper for some unbeknownst reason.

Cas chuckled softly. Dean instantly smiled at the sound of him laughing without even meaning too. He honestly wasn’t sure Cas was capable of laughing with how sad he’d been looking. “We’re all named after Angels, or biblical names of some sort. Lucifer prefers to be called Luke, probably for that reason.”

“Yeah, I mean, I couldn’t imagine going around with that name my whole life,” Dean said with a small laugh. “So, do they all live at home?”

Cas shook his head and looked down into his lap. “Luke moved when I was fifteen. He said he couldn’t stand Uncle Zachariah constantly pushing us around and telling us what to do. He didn’t want anything else to do with him, so he left.” Cas sighed, the noise sounding sadder than Dean could think a sigh could sound. “Michael and Gabriel are still home, however. Michael is cold and bitter, as you probably realized and Gabe is… He only pretends to listen to, and believe, every little thing Zachariah tells him to do. I know he hates it just as much as Luke did.” Cas looked to the side, his eyes flashing with a certain anxiety for a moment. “I’m sorry, we’ve only just met. You didn’t need to know any of that…”

Dean shook his head quickly, he was actually happy Cas told him. It was just less digging he’d have to do on the enigma that was Castiel Novak. “No big deal. Everybody’s gotta have someone to talk to, right?” he asked, with a small chuckle. “Why not be me? I don’t mind listenin’.”

Cas nodded a little and looked over to Dean for a moment. Dean blinked a few times as he stared into Cas’ eyes; his head cocked to the side unintentionally as he looked at his eyes… God, they were so, so, _so_ blue…

Cas looked away before Dean had any more time to examine the blue of his eyes. “What about you?” he asked, looking back out into the vast nowhere that sat in front of them.

“What about me, _what?”_ Dean asked with a shrug. “I’m no one special.”

“I don’t believe that,” Cas said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’ve told you about myself; why don’t you tell me something about yourself?”

Dean shrugged and looked out into the same nothingness that Cas was so intently staring at. “Not much to tell. I’m not that interesting.”

“What about your family?”

“It’s just me, my dad and Sammy. My mom died when I was four. I don’t remember a lot about her, but what I do remember is good.” Dean smiled a little to himself before looking over to Cas. “What do you remember about your mom?” Cas was silent for a long time. Really silent, like someone had pulled his voice box out and he physically _couldn’t_ speak. “I’m sorry,” Dean said after a moment. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to—”

“She died when I was ten,” Cas cut Dean off, looking over at him with those sad blue eyes that were starting to _physically_ hurt Dean inside. “She was amazing, and always there for us. We were happy when she was alive, even Michael, but… but then she died, and our father left, and now…” Cas’ voice trailed off and he looked into his lap. “Everything is different.”

Dean got a weird feeling, deep down inside of him, that made him want to reach over to Cas and hug him. And Dean was _not_ a hugger. He didn’t like that much physical contact, unless it came to sex… but hugging? No. Hell no. He hated hugging. And yet… he felt like hugging Cas. He didn’t, of course, because that would be weird.

Two dudes don’t have a heart to heart and then hug it out, right? That would be… weird.

“Who’s this?” They were cut off from their conversation by Sam walking up to them. Neither had realized how long they’d been silent.

Dean hoped off the hood of his car, Cas following in suit. “Sam, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is Sammy—”

“ _Sam._ ”

“—My little brother.”

“Hello, Sam,” Cas said quietly as he stood next to Dean, so close that their shoulders were rubbing up against each other. Neither noticed, and if they did, neither willed themselves to care. 

“Hi,” Sam said, smiling at Cas and reaching out to shake his hand. Cas stared at it for a moment before realizing that he had to reach out and shake it.

“I’m gonna give him a lift home,” Dean said as Cas released his hand.

“Cool,” Sam said as he opened the front door.

“Cas gets shotgun,” he said, noticing the way Cas’ eyes shot up to face him.

Sam groaned and stepped back to let Cas into the front seat. “I don’t mind sitting in the back,” Cas said, looking to Sam and then back to Dean.

“Nah, you can sit up front,” Dean said as he slid in the front seat of his car.

Sam rolled his eyes, but Dean knew he’d get over it. Cas got inside as well, settling his bag on the floor as he did the day before.

-0-

Dean stopped by his house first, dropping Sammy off before he continued on to take Cas home. “Is there anything you need to do while you’re out?” Dean asked, looking over to his friend—were they friends?—in the passenger seat.

“No, I don’t believe,” Cas said, sitting still in the seat as he looked out the window. “Why?”

“You didn’t seem to intent on getting home early,” Dean said with a shrug. “I don’t know, just thought it’d be nice to let you get away for a while if you wanted.” Dean sighed and turned the radio on, quiet enough so they could still talk, but loud enough so that he could hear it. He really did feel sorry for Cas… He couldn’t imagine things being easy for him. “You could hang out with me for the next hour or so? That’s what time you’d be getting home if you walked, anyways.”

Cas was quiet for a few minutes, just staring over at Dean with empty eyes. Dean tried to ignore the fact that Cas’ eyes were completely trained on him, it was kind of unnerving for someone to be watching you so obviously intently. “Why are you doing this, Dean?”

“Doing what?” Dean asked, looking away from the road for a moment to look over to Cas, who was still staring at him.

“Being so… nice to me. Why?”

Dean shrugged. Honestly? He didn’t know. He never really gave a shit about newcomers to school; he usually just stuck around his friends. But there was something different about Castiel that he couldn’t exactly put his finger on. Cas wasn’t like anyone he’d ever met. He always seemed so sad, he never smiled, and he had this whole mysterious aura about him. But he had the most beautiful eyes Dean had ever seen in his life, and every time he looked into them he just got sucked more and more into the whole mystery that surrounded him.

It wasn’t like Dean to feel sorry for someone he just met, and definitely not like him to drop everything he was doing, or could be possibly doing, to help them. But Cas was different. Cas was… Cas was special, but Dean couldn’t figure out why. He was just… _special._

“You just look like you need a friend, man,” Dean remarked, adding a small laugh afterwards. “You don’t look like you’ve ever really had a friend, actually.”

Cas looked away from Dean and down into his lap. “You’re right,” he muttered. “We’ve moved around so often, I’ve never had time to establish relationships with anyone… And when I do have the time, nobody really ever seems to give me the time of the day.” Dean opened his mouth to comment about how sad that seemed, but it was like Cas had read his mind, because he cut him off. “I don’t blame them though. My people skills are… rusty.”

“Yeah, well… so are mine,” Dean amended.

“That isn’t true,” Cas murmured, shaking his head and clasping his hands together down on his lap. “You have many friends, Dean. I have—”

“Me?” Dean said with a shrug. He knew it wasn’t a big deal, but everyone deserves to have at least one friend, and Cas had him. “And I really don’t have that many friends. I have acquaintances, and a few close friends, but honestly? I’ve never had anyone that I could really trust one-hundred percent, ya know?” Dean didn’t know why he was being so up close and honest with Cas. Maybe it had to do with that whole ‘Cas being special for some unbeknownst reason’ thing.

“I understand,” Cas said, shaking his head a little. He was quiet for a while before looking up and out the window. They were only about five minutes away from Cas’ house. “Where would you like to go?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Instead of taking me home. Where would you like to go?”

Dean smiled brightly before making a turn and heading back into town. He knew just the place. 


	4. Chapter 4

“A diner?” Cas asked as he stared at the small, old-fashioned diner that they sat in front of.

“Yeah,” Dean said as he got out of the car. Cas still sat in the car and continued to stare at the diner. Had this guy never gone out to eat before in his life? “You comin’, or what?” Dean asked, bending down to look inside the car. Cas nodded and got out of the car, shoving his hands inside the trench coat he seemed to wear every day.

Cas nodded and stepped out of the car before joining Dean in front of the Impala. Dean smiled over at him and nudged him in the direction of the restaurant’s door. “C’mon, I’m starving,” Dean announced as he grabbed onto the sleeve of Cas’ tan trench coat and pulling him towards the diner.

Once they were inside, Dean dropped the sleeve of Cas’ coat and walked over to an empty table in an uncrowded section of the restaurant; he didn’t think Cas would want to sit near a lot of people, and neither did he. He sat down on one side and waited for Cas to sit down before handing him a menu. “I don’t have any money,” Cas stated as he took the menu, not even looking at it before placing it back on the table.

“It’s on me,” Dean announced cheerfully without taking his eyes off the menu.

Cas looked hesitant to pick the menu back up again, but eventually he did and began to scan it. “I don’t know what to get,” Cas remarked softly, looking back over to Dean. “I haven’t been out to dinner in over nine years. I’m not sure what’s good and what isn’t.”

 _Nine years?_ Dean thought, mystified. He went out to eat once or twice a week, and that was alone. They were always ordering pizza or going out to eat at his house. His dad couldn’t really cook, and while Dean could, sort of, that didn’t mean he wanted to. “Wow,” he said, placing his menu down as he noticed the waitress make her way over. “I’ll just order two of what I’m having then, sound good?”

Cas nodded and put the menu down on top of Dean’s. The waitress, a girl probably only a year older than the boys, with long blonde hair that was pulled up in a high ponytail and wearing an old-fashioned, pink, dress with a small apron around the front, came over to the table and flashed them a smile. And by them, it was really mainly Cas who she was smiling so brightly at. Dean felt sort of jealous, but he wasn’t sure if it was because she was smiling at Cas or because she _wasn’t_ smiling at him.

It had to be the latter… that made more sense, obviously. Right?

“What can I get you boys?” she asked, finally looking away from Cas to turn her eyes to Dean for a moment as he spoke up.

“We’ll have two bacon cheeseburgers, two large orders of fries and two chocolate milkshakes,” he ordered.

She jotted it down in her little notebook before looking over to Cas. “Can I get you anything else, Hon?” she asked, the question clearly directed to Cas.

“That’ll do,” Dean answered for him as kindly as his voice allowed. She looked over at him with a small glare before smiling, once again—and brighter this time—at Cas and bouncing away. Dean waited for her to walk out of hearing distance before he commented. “Dude, she totally liked you,” he exclaimed, watching as Cas looked from his lap up to look at Dean.

            “She couldn’t have liked me,” Cas stated blankly. “She was at our table for less than a minute.”

“She thought you were cute, Cas,” Dean tried, sighing a little and shaking his head. “Why don’t you talk to her?”

“I don’t want to,” Castiel answered honestly.

“Don’t you think she’s cute?” Dean asked as he looked over to the counter, seeing the waitress lean over the table with a smile on her face as she chatted to another waitress. Even if she hadn’t liked Dean as much as she liked Cas, Dean had to admit that she was pretty hot. Well, _really_ hot.

Castiel was silent for a moment before looking to the side in the direction Dean was looking. He didn’t look long before he looked straight back to Dean. “I don’t believe she’s unattractive, but she’s not,” he was quiet for a moment, as if he was trying to think how to put it, “I guess you would put it as, she’s not my… type.”

Dean blinked a few times as he pried his eyes away from their waitress. How could she not be someone’s _type?_ She was beautiful! Maybe Cas was just nervous. “Cas, if you’re too nervous to talk to her, I could help you out,” he said with a sly smile on his face. “She really looked like she liked you, man. You could at least try to—”

“Dean,” Cas interrupted, his voice more serious than it normally was, and that was saying a lot.

“What?”

“I don’t… I don’t like girls,” he admitted, pulling his eyes away from Dean to look into his lap.

Dean’s eyes widened a little bit. He wasn’t expecting that. At all. It wasn’t that it bothered him, though. It was still Cas; the same Cas that looked sad and like he needed a friend. Maybe… _this_ had something to do with it. Dean knew he was being too quiet, but he didn’t know how to respond. He was honestly just too surprised to form a sentence.

“I’ve never told anyone that before,” Cas whispered, his voice sounding tight in his throat. “I shouldn’t have told you. I-I’m sorry. I can leave if you want—”

“Hey, no, man, it’s fine,” Dean interrupted, shaking himself out of his speechlessness. “I’m okay with it. I was just surprised, that’s all. I’m totally cool with it, actually. One of my best friends is a lesbian, I’ve never met another guy who was…”

“Gay?” Cas asked with a small, odd, chuckle and a half-smile. It was the second time Dean had heard Cas smile that day, and again, he couldn’t help but to smile. “Yeah, I haven’t either.”

“That must suck,” Dean blurted out without even meaning too.

Cas just shrugged and straightened himself out in the booth. “It’s not that bad, really. I hear stories of how there are places, San Francisco, New York and Los Angeles, among others that there are more of… us. My uncle is always preaching on and on about how those places are filled with sin because of so.” Cas frowned and looked down again, almost as if he believed what the stupid son of a bitch said.

“Would you stop doing that?” Dean asked, reaching out and tilting Cas’ chin up so that he’d look at him. “It makes me sad when you look down like that when we’re talking.” Cas opened his mouth to apologize, but Dean cut him off. “And I’m sorry about that… your uncle. God, your whole situation with your family sounds like it sucks in general. Do any of them know?”

“You’re the only one I’ve ever told.”

“How do you think they’ll take it when you do tell them?” Dean asked, but something, somewhere deep down inside of him that was gnawing and eating at him knew how’d they take it. He could just imagine it, even though he didn’t want to.

Cas started to look down, but stopped himself and looked right into Dean’s eyes. “Gabriel probably won’t mind, at least I think. Luke wouldn’t care, but I haven’t talked to him since he left… But Michael and Zachariah…” he shook his head and took a deep breath before going on, “I don’t want to think about how they’d react… what they’d do to me.” Cas blinked a few times as he looked into Dean’s eyes before sighing and biting down on his lip. “I-I’m scared of what they’d do to me.”

Dean’s heart dropped, hearing Castiel talk about his family that way. “How long have you known?” he asked, sort of changing the subject without completely changing the subject. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t want to think about anyone hurting Cas in any way, shape or form.

The waitress came to their table and placed their food in front of them before flashing Cas yet another smile. The jealousy he’d once felt dissipated immediately. So maybe it wasn’t the latter.

Cas picked up a French fry and began to nibble on it slowly as Dean picked up his burger and took a huge bite. “Fuck, these are amazing,” he whispered into the burger before looking up to Cas again, waiting for him to answer his question.

“When I was seven, we lived in Albuquerque for some time, helping a church get on their feet for a few months. I remember walking home and seeing all the girls and boys holding each other’s hands, and all I could think about was wanting to hold another boy’s hand.” He smiled a little bit as he ate another fry. “And there was this one boy, who at the time, I was convinced I was in love with. Of course, I wasn’t, because I was only seven, but I remembered thinking to myself constantly that he was the…” another small laugh, and a blush, as Cas told the story; Dean couldn’t help but to smile, “the prettiest boy I’d ever seen.” The blush on Castiel’s face intensified until the point he put his hand over his mouth to attempt and hide it. “This is all very embarrassing for me to tell you, I hope you understand.”

Dean was still smiling widely. He chuckled softly and shook his head as he took a sip of his milkshake. “No it’s not. Everyone gets that way over their first crush… Even if you were seven. First everything’s make you blush like that.”

Cas nodded a little, his blush fading but the smile on his face staying put, luckily. “I assume so,” he said before taking hold of the burger and staring at it. “We rarely eat red meat at my house,” he observed, looking at the burger like it was a foreign meal. “And we never eat pork…”

“Sh’d I’ve or’erd you someth’n else?” Dean asked around a huge mouthful of bacon and cheeseburger. “I can ask them to bring you something else,” he added once he swallowed.

Cas shook his head and took a bite, almost as big as Dean’s, of his burger. The noise he made after biting into it was borderline sexual and made Dean really uncomfortable because he shouldn’t have enjoyed the noise Cas made so much. “These make me very happy,” Cas said after he swallowed and took another bite.

Dean smiled a little and took another drink of his milkshake. “I’m glad,” he said after a moment as he began to eat again.

They spent the rest of their meal talking about little things, nothing too heavy. Nothing about Cas’ sexuality, or his family—except for one story Cas told about his mother taking him and Gabriel to the Zoo when he was five—or anything Dean thought would turn Cas back into his normally pensive self. He liked seeing Castiel happy.

When they finished, and the waitress came over to give them their check, she handed Castiel a napkin with her number on it. “Call me,” she said with a wink before bouncing away in the other direction.

Cas blinked at the phone number blankly before crumpling it up and tossing it with one of the dirty napkins. Dean couldn’t hold back a laugh as he slid out of the booth and walked over to pay for their meal.

“Thank you for this,” Cas said as he got into Dean’s car. “I haven’t had fun in years.”

That made Dean sad. Not that Cas had had fun with him, but because he considered something like this fun. It was just dinner. Dean smiled and put the car into drive. “Don’t mention it. I had fun too,” he admitted, because he did. He really, _really_ did. He didn’t realize how much he liked hanging out with Castiel until then.

“What time is it?” Cas asked after a few minutes of driving.

“Almost five-thirty. Why?”

Cas’ face went sickeningly white and he looked down into his lap, turning back into that sad shell of a person he had been before they’d gone into the diner. “I’m late,” he whispered. “Michael will be angry if I come home late… and he’ll tell Zachariah…”

“Can’t you tell them you were out with a friend?” Dean asked. He didn’t want to part ways with him yet, but he didn’t think it would be a good idea to keep Cas out any long than he’d already been, according to his tone.

“I’m not supposed to go out with anyone after school,” Cas said sadly. “I’m supposed to come home from school and go directly to the den for prayer with Michael and Gabriel, and Zachariah if he’s home. I-If I’m late, then he’ll be angry. Zachariah, that is.”

Dean hated this Zachariah character even more and more each time he heard Cas mutter his name. He sort of wanted to turn the car around and take Cas away from those assholes. He deserved better. But before Dean could make any rash decisions, they were in Cas’ drive way.

Castiel started to get out of the car, but Dean grabbed him by the arm. “Wait,” he said, taking a piece of paper out from the glove department and a pencil and scribbling down his number quickly. “If something happens, or you need anything, hell, if you just need someone to talk to, or you just want to talk, you can call or text me. Anytime. It doesn’t matter.”

Castiel took the paper tentatively before folding it into a neat square and putting it into one of the pockets of his trench coat. “Thank you, Dean… For everything.”

Dean nodded and let go of his arm as he got out of the car. He smiled softly after a moment. “And Cas?” he yelled.

The smaller of the two turned to face Dean the second he’d heard his name called. “Yes?”

“Don’t throw this one away.”

Castiel smiled a little and nodded. “Goodbye, Dean,” he said before turning around and practically running to the front door.

-0-

Castiel shut the door behind him quietly and leaned against it, taking in a sharp breath as he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t believe he’d allowed himself to get so caught up in spending time with Dean that he ended up coming home late. He pulled his bag to his chest tightly and tried to walk upstairs quietly, but he knew better. The stairs squeaked the second he put his weight on them. Still, he bit his lip and hoped that, possibly, no one could hear him. He started walking even quicker up the stairs to the attic, which also doubled as his room. He didn’t want to have a room on the lower floor with everyone else; he needed to be away from them. He felt stifled and uncomfortable around them. He hated it.

“Castiel.”

He stopped at the sound of Michael’s voice; his body stilling without his consent. He pulled his bag closer to his chest before turning around to face his older brother. “Yes, Michael?” he responded, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. It was a hard task considering how much he was honestly frightened of Michael, and even more so of Zachariah. He never tried to show this fear, though. He knew fear was associated with weakness, and weakness was a sign of little faith. At least, that was what his uncle would have said.

“You’re late,” Michael stated the very obvious fact. Castiel opened his mouth to explain himself—or lie—but before he could, Michael kept going. “Uncle Zachariah won’t be pleased. You are to be home at five o’clock every day. It is now five thirty.”

Castiel took a deep breath and clutched on to the railing of the stairs that led up to his room. “I’m aware,” he started quietly. “I was at the library,” _that’s not a lie,_ he told himself, because he _had_ been at the library for a few minutes, “And time got away from me.” Also, not a lie. Time had gotten away from him… when he was with Dean.

“How do you explain that boy taking you home yet again?” Michael asked. That was going to be a little harder to not lie, but sort of lie, around.

“He saw me walking and asked if I wanted a ride home,” Castiel settled on. Again, it wasn’t a lie. Dean had seen him walking out of school and asked him if he wanted another ride. But first they went out to dinner and Cas came out to him, but those were just minor details that Castiel didn’t bother to mention. “He’s very kind, Michael.”

Michael scowled and turned his back to Castiel. “I’ll be informing Uncle of this,” he told Castiel before walking into the living room, where Cas assumed Gabriel was already. “Be downstairs for prayer immediately.”

Castiel nodded to no one in particular considering he knew that Michael couldn’t see him before walking upstairs quickly and placing his bag on his bed. He pulled out the number Dean had gave him from his trench coat and studied it over, examining the messy handwriting of each number. He smiled softly at it without really understanding why before placing it on top of his bed and kneeling down on the floor, pulling up a loose floorboard from under his bed and taking out the box that he kept under it. Inside it, there were belongings that he didn’t want anyone else to know about: a few college brochures (college had always been out of the question, according to Zachariah), a picture of his family before his mother had died, a necklace that used to belong to his mother, a notebook that Cas had scribbled down poetry and stories that he’d never let anyone look at, and about five-hundred dollars in cash that he’d saved up over the years. Looking at the boxes’ contents made him feel as if one day, just maybe, he could get out. Just like Luke had. He didn’t have to live like this every day: scared and so alone that he felt as if he could cry himself to sleep every night.

And some nights he did.

He put the folded up piece of paper in the box, on top of his money before sliding it back into place. Quickly, he stood up and rushed downstairs to pray with his family. Sometimes he didn’t know who he was praying too. When he read the bible, he’d read all these passages and texts talking about how God loves everyone, and how God is love, and that family is love, but they never made any sense to him, not after his mother died at least. When he looked at his family now, especially at Michael and Zachariah, he felt scared. He was scared he’d be stuck under their thumbs forever, and he was scared he’d be alone forever. They were constantly talking down to him, telling him how he did everything wrong. Eventually, he turned into someone who was always quiet, never spoke unless he was spoken to first, and always had a frown on his face.

He hadn’t always been like that. In fact, as a child his mother would say he was impossible to keep up with. He used to be so happy and full of life… that is, until she died. Once she died and his father left, and he was forced to move in with his Uncle, all the light in his eyes went out. He wasn’t the same person anymore. The only time he even felt reminiscent of the person he used to be, was when he was with Dean.

He didn’t know what it was about the boy, but the moment he met him—yes, the moment they’d literally ran into each other at school—Cas felt something for him. He’d convinced himself that it was just a physical attraction, though. Dean was gorgeous, so Cas had thought. But it was nothing beyond that. They’d only just met. But then Dean gave him a ride home, two nights in a row, and he’d taken him out to eat, and he’d just been so _damn_ nice to him. Castiel wasn’t used to people—especially strangers—being so nice to him. Normally at school he was considered to be the weird, nerdy kid with messy hair that wears a trench coat every day. Ever since he was little, kids had made fun of him at school.

_What a weird name! Why are you so quiet? Why don’t you have any friends? Your parents must’ve ran off ‘cause you’re so weird! Weirdo! What’s wrong with you?_

The insults came from every direction, but Castiel had never paid attention to him. They didn’t bother him, he’d tell himself, and when he got older he’d decided to hold to the idea of getting away. He didn’t really have a plan for his future, all he knew was that he’d get away. He had to get away.

He couldn’t live like this for much longer.

-0-

            Prayer, as normal, was quiet, cold and strained. They all gathered in the living room and sat their silently. “Praying”. Not that Castiel would ever admit it to anyone, but sometimes he’d sit and just think instead of pray. He’d think about different things, usually just daydream about what it would be like to have a normal life, but that day, he found himself thinking about Dean.

 _Why did I tell him I was gay?_ he asked himself. _I’ve heard stories about people dropping contact with someone when they find out that they’re… gay. What would I have done if Dean did so? He’s been so nice to me. I could have lost him._

_But I didn’t lose him. He didn’t care. He still wants to be my friend._

Friend. It was a foreign concept for Castiel. He’d never had a friend in his life, and definitely not one who he could tell his deepest, darkest secret to.

 _What am I thinking?_ he screamed inside his head. _I’ve only known him for two days! Why do I trust him so much?_

Trust. Another foreign concept for the teenager. He didn’t like to think that he had trust issues, but he did. He’d trusted his mother, and she’d died. He’d trusted his father, and he’d left. He trusted God… and what had that gotten him?

 _You should be praying,_ he reprimanded himself vacantly. Though the truth was, unless he was being forced to pray out loud, he hadn’t prayed for a long time. Maybe he was losing his faith, or maybe he was just tired. His prayers never seemed to go anywhere, and if they did, maybe they were just disregarded. Either or, Castiel didn’t want to pray. He just couldn’t think of the words to put into his prayers.

He let the thoughts of prayer and God drift away as his mind went back to Dean. Being with Dean made him happy. When they’d eaten dinner together, for the first time in years, Castiel smiled and he _laughed._ Dean was the first person to care about him in the longest time. Castiel didn’t know why, but honestly, he didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. He just wanted to be happy again for the first time since his mother had died, and Dean made him happy. He didn’t know why, but for some unknown reason, Dean had seemed to like him. Castiel was under the impression that _no one_ liked him, until Dean showed up.

“Castiel.”

Cas’ eyes shot open and fear flooded through his body. _Was I smiling?_ He questioned himself. _What if I had been blushing and not realizing it? He’ll know something is different with me…_ “Yes, Uncle?” Castiel asked, gulping slightly. He hadn’t even realized that his uncle had come home. Had he been so deep in thought about Dean that he’d zoned out?

“Michael informs me that you were late today.”

Cas gulped silently before nodding and looking into his lap, too afraid to look into his Uncle’s eyes. They were always so cold and scary; Castiel felt as if he wanted to shrivel up into a ball and hide every time he caught a glimpse of them. “Yes, sir.”

“Is there a reason that you were late?” he snarled.

Castiel bit his lip and shook his head. He couldn’t tell the truth. He wasn’t supposed to have friends outside of church, but he didn’t want any friends within church, either. He wanted to be friends with Dean. “I was at the library and time got away from me,” he lied, though he didn’t care it was a lie. He was too afraid to tell the truth.

“Were you?” Zachariah questioned. Castiel shook his head and didn’t make eye contact with his uncle.

“He had a _friend_ drive him home,” Michael added and Cas’ stomach swirled. From what Dean had told him about his relationship with his brother, Sam, brothers were supposed to stick up for each other. Especially older brothers. His older brother had done nothing but throw him in front of the proverbial bus from the get go.

“Did you, now?”

“He saw me walking and offered to drive me the rest of the way home,” Castiel answered honestly. _It’s not a lie,_ he told himself, _it’s just not the entire truth._

Zachariah scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. “You are to go up to your room and stay there all night.”

 _As if that’s a punishment_ , Castiel thought. He assumed that it was supposed to be, though, considering his uncle had no idea that Castiel had gone out to eat with Dean. “Yes, sir,” Castiel answered, standing up and walking quickly upstairs.

Once he got upstairs, he closed and locked the door behind him before pulling out his secret box and grabbing Dean’s number. He sighed softly and placed it on the bed before pulling off his clothes and putting on his more comfortable night clothes. He took his cell-phone that had supposed to be simply for emergencies out of the pocket and programmed the number into it. He placed the number back into the box and laid down on his bed.

_Can you talk?  
            -CN_


	5. Chapter 5

Dean sat on his bed, vacantly staring at an assignment that was due any day now. _I should have paid attention in history_ , he thought to himself as be slowly but surely began to jot down the first thing he could pull out of his ass on the subject. History wasn’t his best subject, but he was a whole hell of a lot better at it than math, that was for sure.

After a solid ten minutes of writing, his phone went off. It was time for a break anyways, he told himself as he checked his phone.

_Can you talk?  
            -CN_

Dean smiled; it had to be Cas.

_Cas? Yeah of course man. Somethin wrong?  
            -DW_

_No. You told me that if I wanted to talk that I could talk to you.  
            -CN_

_Oh yeah. So whats up? Did you get in trouble with ur uncle?  
            -DW _

_In a way. He sent me to my room for the rest of the night. He does not know that I went out to eat with you, so the punishment isn’t very effective.  
-CN _

Dean laughed softly, noticing how Castiel used perfect grammar in every text that he’d sent him. Dean didn’t know why, but something about it made him like Cas even more.

_Still sucks. U must b bored.  
            -DW _

_Not at all. I’m talking to you.  
            -CN _

Dean couldn’t figure out why he was smiling so brightly, but he was. He liked talking to Castiel more than he’d expected too when he’d first decided to try and be his friend, and that feeling was just intensifying.

They talked for the better part of the night. Castiel filled Dean in on what he’d missed in history when he wasn’t paying attention, gave him a few tips on how to finish his math homework quicker, and general school advice. Dean hadn’t realized how smart Cas was. But he was. He was a fucking genius, and he’d told him so.

It turned out that Castiel had skipped a grade, which explained why he was sixteen and a senior. He’d told Dean that he’d always wanted to go to college, community or four-year, he didn’t care, but his uncle was totally against it. That made Dean sad. His father didn’t necessarily want Sam to go to college, but that was because he was afraid of losing Sammy. It sounded like the reason Castiel’s uncle didn’t want him to go off to college was because he didn’t want to lose his griping control over him.

Dean hadn’t realized it, but it was past midnight and he and Cas were still talking. A yawned escaped his lips as he looked over at his alarm-clock. He’d have to get up in less than six hours. He was _not_ looking forward to that.

_Ill talk to you tomorrow man. Im exhausted.  
            -DW_

_Alright, Dean. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.  
            -CN_

Dean was about to plug his phone in for the night, but one more text came through.

_Could I ask you a favor, Dean?  
            -CN_

_Sure.  
            -DW_

_Uncle Zachariah is still mad at me for being late, and he says he won’t take me to school tomorrow._

Dean stopped reading there, only long enough to mutter to himself what a dick Castiel’s uncle sounded like.

_If you do not mind, would you pick me up? You don’t have to. I can always ride the bus if it’s too much trouble for you.  
-CN_

Dean smiled a little bit and started to type out his response. If Cas had asked him this in person he would have cut him off halfway through to request.

_I don’t mind at all. Ill see u at seven thirty k?  
            -DW_

_Thank you, Dean. I’ll see you tomorrow.  
            -CN _

Dean smiled wider and reached over to the charger cord to plug his phone up for the night. He didn’t know why, but for some reason, he was excited to take Cas to school. Why, he had no idea. It was such a simple thing. He took Sam to school every day, and he’d do it for any of his other friends if they asked. But with Cas… He didn’t know. It seemed bigger.

He didn’t know what it was about the boy, but whatever it was about Castiel Novak, it had Dean smiling and thinking about him constantly. Of course, it had to be the fact that his life seemed so… interesting, he’d told himself as he curled up in bed to sleep that night. 

No matter what it was about Cas, it was _something._ And honestly? Dean loved it.

-0-

            “Where are we going?” Sam asked as he watched his brother turn in the opposite direction that they’d usually take getting to school.

“We’re picking Cas up,” Dean informed his brother. “And do me a favor and not be a bitch about sitting in the back when we get there?” Dean pleaded, looking over to his brother for a moment. “He had a rough night last night.”

Sam sighed but nodded. “Fine,” he muttered. “Since when did he become your best friend, anyways?”

Dean shrugged and started to drive a tiny bit faster. “Dunno. He’s a cool guy, I guess… and he needs a friend.”

“Okay…” Sam said, his voice drawing out at the end. “Then, since when do you give a crap about the new kids at school who ‘need friends’?”

Dean rolled his eyes and took his hand off the wheel a moment to shove Sam to the side. “Shut up,” he muttered before placing his hand back on the wheel. “I don’t know. I just… I like the guy, okay? He’s sad but really nice and… I dunno. He’s cool.”

“If he were a girl I’d think you were falling in love with him,” Sam joked with a laugh.

Dean blinked a few times vacantly. That was insane. Cas was just a nice guy, that he felt sorry for, but also really liked, as a friend. Platonically. Castiel really was nice, as Dean had told Sam. He just… he liked him. He didn’t know why Sam felt the need to poke at it so much. “Bitch,” he muttered under his breath after a few moments.

Sam continued to laugh, only responding with his customary, “Jerk” after he was finished.

Dean turned the radio up louder, trying to drown out the sound of his little brother laughing until he pulled up to Cas’ house. He turned the radio down and pointed to the back seat, which Sam took as his cue to crawl into the back.

They didn’t have to wait long for Castiel to walk out, but when he did, Dean instantly knew the guy was upset. He rushed to the car and opened the door before slamming it—Dean normally would have yelled at someone for doing that, but he didn’t want to upset Cas even more—behind him. “You okay, ma—”

“Just drive,” Castiel whispered, looking out the window and up at the house where his uncle was standing in the doorway, a clearly angry look on his face. Dean fought the urge to flip off the man as he pulled out of the driveway.

The ride to school was quiet and awkward, none of the three of them talking about anything. Castiel looked as if he could burst into tears at any moment, and Dean recognized this. He wanted to ask him what was wrong, but something about it felt wrong with Sammy in the car. So he waited.

Once they pulled up to the school, Sam all but bolted out of the car to get away from the awkwardness of the situation. Dean looked over at Cas, who he could tell was holding back tears, and sighed softly. “What’s wrong, Cas?” he asked him softly, afraid to talk any louder than he was already.

Castiel shook his head softly and looked down into his lap. “I-I… My uncle. Last night. He-he read our texts. I’d forgot to delete them before going to bed and… he saw them all. About how I want to leave, about how I want to go to college… luckily we hadn’t talked about my sexuality, because I don’t know what I’d have done. He was mad enough as it is, listening to me talk about how I want to go to college.”

Dean sighed and reached out, putting his hand on Cas’ shoulder gently. “I’m sorry, man,” he whispered. “You don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve getting shit just for wanting to do something with your life.”

“He thinks that I’m losing my faith,” Cas whispered, laughing humorlessly afterwards, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes quickly. “Maybe I am.” Dean didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know anything about God, or faith, or religion. He didn’t know what it felt like to lose your faith, because he’d never had any. “I’m sorry I’m unloading all of this on you,” Cas muttered after a few moments of Dean being silent. “I just… I don’t have anyone to talk to. And you seem to… care. No one else has even seemed like they cared before.”

“I do care,” Dean responded immediately. _I don’t know why I care,_ he thought to himself, _but I care._ He smiled after a moment and started to car, starting to pull out of school.

“Where are we going?” Cas asked, looking over at Dean with wide eyes.

“I dunno. Just not here,” Dean responded, pulling out of school and out onto the road.

“No… I-I can’t, we can’t. I can’t miss school. If I skip, they’ll call Zachariah and I’ll get even more in trouble then I’m already in.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said, pulling out his phone and dialing a number. “I know a guy that’ll get us out of school free cards for the day.” He looked over at Cas and winked before putting the phone to his ear and making the call.

After he’d hung up, Castiel had started to fidget aimlessly with the hem of his shirt, under his trench coat. “What… where will we go?” he asked.

“Well, my dad’s home today, so my house is out of the question. We both know your house is out of the question…” he shrugged and took a turn down a road that looked otherwise deserted. “I know where we can go.”

“Where?” Cas asked, panic clear in his voice, but Dean just smiled and continued to drive.

“Calm down, man. You’ll see when we get there.”

-0-

Dean opened his door after he parked and began to walk out onto the dock of the large lake that he’d taken them too. He loved it here; it was so quiet and secluded. No one ever came here. He’d often come here just to clear his mind, or sometimes to fool around with some girl, but today… he didn’t know. He just thought the place might help Cas out a little.

“What do you think?” Dean asked with a smile as Cas walked up behind him.

“It’s beautiful,” Castiel responded in a breathy whispered.

Dean nodded and sat himself down on the dock. “Yeah it is,” he said with a happy sigh, patting the place next to him for Cas to join him. “I love it here.”

Castiel nodded and looked out to the water; Dean smiled as he saw the smile spread across Cas’ face. This place was so tranquil and serene, it could make the most depressed person in the world happy. “Thank you for bringing me here.”

Dean smiled and lay back on the dock, looking up at the sky. “No problem. Hell, you look like you needed an escape.”

Cas sighed and laid down next to Dean, looking up at the sky as well. “I did… do,” Castiel remarked, letting his hands rest at his sides, one gently brushing against Dean’s as he did so. Dean felt is body sort of tense up and then shivers and electrical sparks erupt across his body.

He took a deep breath and looked over at Cas, laying across the dock and staring up into the sky. His eyes were so bright and blue, but they were still somewhat gloomy. Even now when he was here, and Dean knew for a fact that he wasn’t as upset as he’d been a while ago, yet they were still sad. There was no light in his eyes.

Dean looked Cas over a moment, and he couldn’t help to notice how… _beautiful_ he was. But that couldn’t be. Cas was a guy, and Dean was… Dean. He didn’t know why he had all these confusing thoughts and feelings for Cas, a guy he’d met three days ago, and yet… he almost didn’t care. He liked Cas.

“You’re staring at me,” Castiel noted after a few minutes, looking over at Dean. They were so close that their noses were practically brushing against each other. Dean didn’t want to move away.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Dean responded, getting trapped once again in Cas’ eyes. “I can stop,” he added after a moment, even though he wasn’t sure if he could.

“You don’t have to,” Castiel whispered, but it wasn’t his normal whisper. He didn’t sound sad, or hesitant, he just sounded… calm. “Most people stare at me anyways. I don’t like it. But you aren’t staring at me in a bad way, like they do. When most people stare it is because they find me weird… but with you it’s different.”

“Yeah, it is,” Dean answered, his eyes dropping from Cas’ eyes to his lips. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He’d never wanted to kiss someone so bad in his life. And that didn’t make sense, for a million reason. For one, Cas was a _guy_ , and while Dean had no problems with Cas being gay, he definitely was not gay… at least, he didn’t think he was. But then there was the fact that he barely knew him… and what he did know about him was all so sad.

But Dean felt comfortable around Cas, even for knowing him for three days. He didn’t feel he had to put up any kind façade. He felt like he could just be himself, and not have to worry about anyone, or anything in the world. No one made him feel the way Cas did. He couldn’t explain it, and he couldn’t think straight. All he could think about was _Cas_ ; how his eyes were so blue and tragically beautiful, how when he smiled, Dean couldn’t help but to smile as well, how when he laughed, Dean felt himself become instantly happy. No one had made him feel like that before.

He’d dated, and been with, a lot of girls. They were fun, they were pretty, they had cute smiles and adorable laughter, but at the end of the day, they went home. Dean never really gave any of them a second thought beyond sex. He’d heard lame stories about love and how it makes you smile and laugh and feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but he’d never felt like that with those girls. But then there was Cas. A _guy_ who’d he’d known for a sum of three days, whose life story had to be the saddest thing in the world.

But none of that really mattered to Dean. Because he was still staring at Cas’ lips, and he was still trying to not kiss him. But he wanted to. He wanted to kiss him more than anything in the entire world.

“Dean?” Castiel whispered, his voice raspy and not at all clear. Dean tore his eyes away from Cas’ lips long enough to look back into his eyes. Cas was staring at him with wide eyes, full of questions and wonder. Dean could only imagine what it was about.

“Yeah?” he whispered back, his voice just a raspy and unclear as Castiel’s.

“If you wanted to, for whatever reason, not that you would,” Cas blushed softly and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth absently and began to chew on it. “You could kiss me.”

“Yeah?” Dean repeated, because it was currently the only word he could think of.

“Yes,” Cas responded, letting go of his lip and nodding. “N-not that you’d want to. You’re not… and you’ve only known—”

Dean leaned in gently and slowly, and pressed his lips against Castiel’s. He shut his eyes and just _kissed_ him; trying to remember every single reason that he’d tried to come up with to persuade himself not to kiss Castiel… he couldn’t think of one damn thing. All he could think off was Cas’ lips on his, moving slowly and passionately together as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Like something they’d been doing together for years upon years.

It was like a first kiss in many ways, but it was also different. It was _more_ , for Dean at least. He’d kissed _a lot_ of people before, but with Cas it was different. His breath was taken away instantly, and he couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t done this sooner.

Dean didn’t want to pull away. Cas’ lips tasted so sweet and they felt so soft, but not in the way a girl’s lips felt soft. It was all softness without the coating of lipstick that most girls wore. It was the best feeling he’d ever felt in his life. But after a while, he realized that he needed air. Their lips had been sliding together, pressing gently against each other for longer than either had realized before Dean pulled away for the sole purpose of breathing.

Once he pulled away he realized that kissing Cas was a lot better than air, so he rushed back in, pressing his lips against Castiel’s once again. The kiss remained somewhere in the neighborhood of chaste, but this time Dean pressed his tongue inside Castiel’s mouth. The angle was becoming uncomfortable, but neither seemed to care too much, even if it were a strain on their necks.

After a few seconds, Cas pulled away, a look of surprised on his face. “You kissed me,” he stated obviously, staring at the boy who had just kissed him.

Dean propped himself up on one arm and looked down at Cas with a small nod as he made a ‘mhm’ noise. Castiel’s hand covered his mouth, but Dean could tell he was smiling underneath it, judging from the positively school-girlish giggles coming from Cas, and the blush that was covering his face.

“Wow,” he whispered, sitting up a tiny bit after he’d finished laughing to face Dean. “Why did you kiss me?” he asked, looking into Dean’s eyes.

Dean shrugged and smiled a little. “You looked really… kissable”

“You kissed me because I looked kissable?” Castiel asked, blinking a few times in confusion. “I don’t believe ‘kissable’ is a word, Dean.”

Dean smirked and nodded. “’Course it’s a word. I just said it.”

Cas shook his head and laughed softly. “I don’t believe it works that way.”

“It should.”

The two laughed a tiny bit before smiling gently at each other. Cas scooted a little closer to Dean and snaked his hand behind his neck. “I’ve never kissed anyone until today,” he admitted. “Thank you.”

“Why are you thanking me?” Dean asked with a small laugh. He was surprised at how much he liked the feeling of Cas’ hand on the back of his neck, holding him tightly but not too tightly. “I liked kissing you… More than I thought I would, honestly.” Dean felt sort of embarrassed, but he didn’t know why. It wasn’t like it was _his_ first kiss, but something about it was different than kissing anyone else. Maybe it was because he was a guy and it was all so new to Dean, but nevertheless, he loved it.

Cas shrugged a little and smiled softly; Dean loved his smiled more and more each time he saw it. “I don’t know,” he admitted, shaking his head a little. “I just… I liked it. So thank you,” Castiel added, a slightly awkward tone to his deep voice.

“I liked it too,” he repeated, not knowing what else to say. All he could think about was how he wanted to kiss Cas again. He leaned forward again and captured Castiel’s lips with his, sitting up all the way and bringing the other boy with him so that the angle wasn’t so uncomfortable. Cas’ fingers pushed their way through Dean’s hair as the younger boy pulled Dean closer to him. He had a hard time believing Castiel hadn’t ever kissed anyone before; he was way too good at this.

They continued to kiss, slowly at first but quickly picking up the pace until the point that Cas was practically in Dean’s lap, his tie strung to the side, his coat discarded onto the dock and his hand still at the back of Dean’s head, holding him tightly as they kissed. Dean had snaked his arms around Castiel’s waist, almost feeling his body completely pressed against his. There was the occasional gentle moan or groan in between them, but other than that, everything was silent. And perfect.

Eventually though, they had to pull away from each other. Dean thought that if he didn’t he might just explode from pure _want._ As much as he liked— _loved_ —kissing Castiel, more than he did anyone else, he didn’t know about going… further. He’d be lost, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to go there now, if ever.

They were both out of breath, with Cas leaning back on Dean’s legs, his weight barely pressing down on him, and Dean staring up at him. Neither knew what to say, and if they did, they wouldn’t have been able to say it. Not without being out of breath. They were silent for too long, so eventually, Dean just settled on whispering, “Hi.”

Cas rolled off of Dean and reached across the dock where he’d taken his coat off and folded up into his lap. He took a deep breath and exhaled a few times before looking back over at Dean. “Hello,” he whispered.

“Should we… uh,” Dean shook his head, not believing what he was about to say, “Should we talk about… that?”

Castiel looked at Dean confusedly, blinking a few times before pulling his coat close to his chest and cocking his head in Dean’s direction. “How so?”

Dean didn’t know how to respond. Usually, after making out with a girl like that, they’d be all over him wanting to have ‘the talk’ or wondering ‘what are we now?’ Dean _hated_ that. He didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to have any touchy-feely, share with you my feelings, moments that could easily get turned into a hallmark card. No. That wasn’t _him_. But with Cas it was different; he still didn’t want to have to overshare his life story, or talk about his feelings, but there was something about the guy that he still couldn’t put his finger on that made him special.

Obviously, the whole platonic thing he’d been thinking about earlier was bullshit.

He’d had friends with benefits relationships before, and this was _not_ it. He never got this feeling when it was just sex or whatever. Everything was just so fucking _different_ with Castiel, but it didn’t bother him. And it bothered him that it didn’t bother him. He should have been freaking out over all of this, but he hadn’t been. He was happy. _Fucking happy._

“I mean,” Dean started off, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts once again, “should we talk about the fact that we just made out for about…” he looked at his watch, “a half an hour. Or do you just want to ignore it?”

 _Please don’t want to ignore it,_ Dean thought. He didn’t even bother to question himself about how strange he was acting about the whole thing. It didn’t matter to him.

“Oh,” Castiel said softly before nodding a little. “I don’t know. I’ve never…” be blushed and shook his head, looking down to the trench coat that he’d dropped into his lap. “I’ve never kissed anyone before, much less dated anyone.” He looked from the coat over to Dean with a semi-confused looking on his face. “And I was under the impression that you didn’t like other guys.”

“I don’t,” Dean answered too quickly without a thought to the matter. The look on Castiel’s face—a mix of sadness and disappointment—made him feel sick. “I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never liked other guys before…” his voice trailed off, and it was his turn to look into his lap.

“Before?” Castiel asked, looking over to Dean once again. “Before what?”

Dean shook his head and felt a blush cover his face. He bit his lip and thought of anything else in the world to keep him from blushing. He _hated_ blushing. “Before… you.” Once he was sure—kind of sure, at least—that his blush was gone, he looked over at Cas to see his reaction. He was grinning, his eyes twinkling a little bit as he reached over to take Dean’s hand. Dean was surprised at how forward Castiel was being, it didn’t really seem to be within his personality, but he didn’t care. He liked it. He didn’t know why he liked it, any of it, but he did. So much.

They didn’t really say anything else on the subject, but then again, they didn’t have to. There was an unspoken agreement on the subject. Dean laced his fingers together with Castiel’s, smiling when he realized how well their hands fit together, and laid back on the dock, Castiel following him not long after.

They talked about other things for about an hour: school, the weather, Dean told Castiel some things about cars, Castiel talked a little about college and just little things that weren’t really that big. It was a normal conversation between two friends.

Other than the fact that they were holding hands and they’d just made out, but that was all irrelevant at the moment. Nothing really mattered to either one of them, other than the fact that they were both happy.

-0-

“What time is it?” Cas asked after a while of the two of them sitting on the dock together. They’d stopped talking a while ago, and were simply sitting together and enjoying the scenery.

Dean, for the first time in a long time, pulled his hand away from Cas’. “It’s almost noon,” Dean said, clearly surprised that they’d been out there together for so long. “Why?” he asked.

Castiel reached out so he could take Dean’s hand again. “I’m hungry,” he said, sitting up next to Dean. “We’d have already eaten lunch at school by now.”

Dean nodded, he was hungry himself, but he hadn’t realized how hungry he was until Cas mentioned it. “Hmm… Well, do you wanna go get something?”

“I don’t have any money,” Cas answered, giving Dean’s hand a small squeeze. “And I don’t want you to have to spend any more money on me.”

Dean shrugged and sat up next to Castiel, leaning into his side a little bit. He couldn’t help but to laugh softly when Cas blushed. “You’re really cute, you know that?” Dean thought out loud, laughing afterwards. “Oh my god, that was supposed to stay in my head.” This did nothing to help Castiel’s blush; he covered his mouth with his opposite hand and closed his eyes, obviously trying his hardest to hide his blush. Dean leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel’s fingers, right where his lips would be if he removed his hand. Cas smiled and moved his hand, placing it down on the dock next to Dean’s leg as he moved back in to press a kiss to Dean’s lips gently. Dean couldn’t help but to smile into the kiss.

“I don’t mind,” he whispered to his… friend? and pulled away. He stood up and took Cas’ hand once again, pulling him with him as he got to his feet. “I make enough working at the garage to buy myself and someone else lunch once or twice a week.” Before Castiel could answer, Dean tugged him off in the direction of his car.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Cas asked, looking over to Dean with wide, almost _guilty_ eyes.

Dean reached out in between them and took Cas’ hand again. His hands were soft, yet strong. It was so different than holding a girls hand; when he held Cas’ hand he felt… safe. Not that there was any danger around them, but still. Holding Cas’ hand made him feel good, and not so lost for once. “I promise, I’m fine with it,” Dean reassured him. He pulled out of the lake’s small parking lot as Cas smiled to himself, looking out the window and leaning his head against the cool glass. Dean looked over at him and felt this weird, yet nice, feeling settle in the pit of his stomach.

They arrived at the little diner that they’d eaten dinner at the previous day not long ager leaving the lake. After earning a few odd looks, probably concerning why two teenagers weren’t in school at the time of day, they sat in the booth that they’d sat in previously; the area surrounding it was just as quiet as it had been the day before.

“Thank you,” Cas said after sitting down “I promise, one day I’ll pay for our dinner.”

Dean shrugged and handed Cas a menu. “I really don’t mind, Cas,” he reassured him. After a few moments of semi-awkward silence as they sift through their menus, Dean looked up from his to look at Cas. “Is this a date?” he asked before he could stop himself.

Cas looked up to Dean from over his menu, blue eyes locking with green eyes for a good half a minute before he began to answer. “Do you want this to be a date?” Castiel asked quietly, like he was unsure—almost scared—of the question.

Dean looked down at the menu and scanned it for a few seconds as he thought over the question. _Did_ he want this to be a date? Did he want… more with Castiel than just occasional making out? Because he had liked it, kissing Castiel that is. He loved it, in fact. And being with Cas made him happy, a lot happier than his previous relationships.

Cassie was a nice girl, she made Dean smile and she was _really_ hot, so Dean thought, but there was always something missing. She always made Dean feel kind of dumb. Not intentionally, of course, but she did. She knew where she was going in life, and Dean didn’t. They broke up when she got early admissions into Arizona State’s journalism program. She’d asked Dean to come with her, but he said no. For one, there was the whole _not leaving Dad alone_ thing, and two, he had no idea what to do in Arizona, and three… he just didn’t feel enough for her to go somewhere like that with her. He didn’t even have to consider it, he’d told her no almost instantly.

Then there was Lisa. Lisa was… nice, Dean guessed. Their relationship was kind of a weird thing, though. They’d had sort of a friend’s with benefits relationship going on for a while, until she pressured him into dating her.

He broke up with her when he found out she was pregnant and the baby wasn’t his.

_Dodged a bullet there._

But then there was Castiel. Castiel, who’d he’d known for the whopping number of three days, who was a _guy_ who he’d made out with for about thirty minutes, and he _really_ liked it. But Cas made him smile, even under all his sadness and sheltered personality. He had the most gorgeous eyes Dean had ever laid his own eyes on and… and he just _really_ liked him. He could list a million things about Cas that he already loved: his smile, his laugh, his eyes, the trench coat he insists on wearing every day, the way he doesn’t understand a single pop-culture reference, the way his lips felt against Dean’s…

The list went on and on. The only thing that Dean could think of to explain it was that maybe, somehow, even after only a short time of knowing him, that he had feelings for him. And in that case, _yes,_ he did want more with Cas. Even if it was starting to scare the shit out of him.

“If you want it to be a date, then yeah,” Dean said, nodding his head a tiny bit as he looked up to Castiel again, a smile starting to cross his lips. “Then this is a date.”

Cas nodded and looked back at his menu. “Then this is a date,” he repeated as the waitress, luckily not the same as the day before, came over.

The two ordered the same as they had last time, except this time instead of milkshakes they got soda—Castiel hadn’t had soda since he was ten, which almost made Dean take a spit-take—so that they could have afterwards. According to Dean, the diner had the best pie in the world.

They talked about little things as they ate, staying away from heavy topics like family—this was their first date, after all—and anything else that could ruin the otherwise perfect afternoon. For their first date—and Cas’ first date ever—it was pretty amazing, or at least Dean thought so. He couldn’t help but to laugh when Cas got at five refills on his drink, and when they were eating their pie, Cas almost burst out into hysterical laughter—that might have had to do with the caffeine in his system, though—when Dean managed to get some of the cherry filling of the pie on his mouth and couldn’t get it off to save his life.

“May I?” Castiel asked after his laughter died down, grabbing a napkin from the dispenser. Dean simply nodded as Cas leaned forward over the booth to wipe it off the edge of his mouth. “There,” he said with a small laugh, dropping the dirty napkin on the empty plate.

“Thanks,” Dean said, fighting the urge to lean all the way in and press his lips against Cas’ once again. The only thing stopping him was the fact that they were in public. It wasn’t that he minded what people thought about him, because honestly, he couldn’t give a rat’s ass. But he knew if someone saw them kissing and it found its way back to his family, he’d be in _huge_ trouble.

And Dean wasn’t willing to risk that.

“You’re welcome,” Cas said, still staring dreamily into Dean’s eyes a moment before looking down. “Are you ready to go?”

Dean looked at his watch and nodded; it was almost time for school to be let out. “Yeah, I still have to go pick Sammy up.”

Cas nodded and stood up. “As much as I don’t want you to, I have to ask you to take me home immediately after you drop Sam off at your house,” Cas said reluctantly. “Zachariah will be angry if I’m home late again… And I know if I stay out later with you, I’ll lose track of time.” He was staring right at Dean’s lips, which made Dean want to drag Cas home with him and keep him there until his uncle would stop being such a controlling asshole.

Dean sighed as well and stood up, leaving the tip on the table as the two walked out. “We can go out again, right?” he asked, feeling a bit nervous. “On another date.”

Cas nodded and as soon as they were out of sights of anyone in the surrounding area, he pressed his lips against Dean’s, kissing him gently and quickly before pulling away. “I’d like that.”

Dean smiled and watched Castiel turn around and get into the car. He sighed happily and closed his eyes a moment.

“Yeah, me too.” 


	6. Chapter 6

They went at it like that for the next few weeks. Dean would pick Cas up for school and take him home right at five; he’d tried to convince Cas to skip another day with him, but he refused. Something about Cas needing to do extra-perfect in school so that he could get into college—he’d applied to so many places that Dean had lost count—which Dean understood perfectly well, but it didn’t mean he didn’t wish his boyfriend—it was still weird for him, to say that he had a boyfriend—would be able to spend an entire day with him. He never got to see him on weekends, so in the week he wanted to see him as much as he could.

There was still something upsetting about it, though. As much as he wanted Castiel to get out of his shitty family situation, he knew that when he got into a college—and he _would_ , he was far too smart not too—that he’d leave, and Dean would go back to feeling lost and alone. He didn’t know what he’d do without Cas by his side…

He tried not to think of it. He kept his thoughts on positive things; like how they’d sneak away to the lake to make out, how they’d hold hands under the table during lunch and study hall, their frequent dates to their diner, and many more things that just made Dean happy. They’d been dating for almost a month, and Dean could already feel himself falling hard for the blue-eyed boy. Cas made him smile, laugh—though usually unintentionally—and just generally _happy_ for once in his life. He wanted to be with him constantly; when he wasn’t with him, he couldn’t help but to think about him.

And then there was when he _was_ with Castiel. All he could think about was kissing him, touching him, or just simply holding him. It was obvious he was falling in love with him; even Dean could tell love when it hit him in the face. And with Castiel, it was more like love punched him in the heart and continued to hit and scrape at him until he couldn’t help but feel his heart ache and flutter every single time he hear the boy’s name.

Surprisingly, it was a pleasant feeling.

They’d spend a lot of time at Dean’s house “studying” in his room. With the door locked. And music on… _really_ loud. It was just like when Dean had Jo, Charlie or Ash over, or at least that’s what he wanted his Dad and Sam to think. In reality, it was nowhere near just having one of them come over.

Not by a long shot.

“What time is it?” Cas managed to murmur as Dean kissed him. Cas was laying straight back on Dean’s bed, his boyfriend on top of him, pressing kisses to his neck, chin, cheek, nose, forehead, lips… and just about any skin he could reach. Dean didn’t answer; he continued to press his lips against Castiel’s, successfully muting any words on their way out. Cas moaned gently into his boyfriend’s mouth, allowing his hand to slide up Dean’s bare back—he’d discarded his shirt immediately upon entering his room with Cas—and run his fingers along the small of his back. “Dean…” Cas whined breathily. Dean wasn’t sure if it was a plea for him to keep kissing him or to keep kissing him.

He took it as the latter.

Dean pressed his lips against Cas’ again, moving up a tiny bit so that he could gently roll his hips into Cas’. It wasn’t something they’d done before, mainly because for once Dean didn’t want to mess up a relationship with sex, and he knew Cas was a virgin. He didn’t want to be the dickhead that pressured someone into sex when he knew they weren’t ready. Dean had a lot of flaws when it came to relationships, but he’d _never_ be that guy.

But this time it was different. They’d been laying there, making out for what felt like forever and a second at the same time, their skin pressed against each other—Dean wasn’t the only person to lose his shirt—and there was just so much _need_ and _want_ ; so much I need you _now,_ without any let’s talk about this first. All in all, it was too much and not enough at the same time.

Castiel let out another moan, and Dean was sure he hadn’t meant to moan _that_ loudly. Dean pulled his lips away and peered into Cas’ eyes, trying to make sure he hadn’t pushed things too far. “You okay?” he asked, his breath a bit uneven.

“Mhm.” Cas nodded and moved his hand up further Dean’s back. “You surprised me,” he admitted, blushing gently. Not as brightly as at first, when they’d first started making out like this, hot and heavy on Dean’s bed almost every day, but then again, that was new. And Dean had _really_ liked it. A lot more than he’d expected to.

Dean nodded and pressed his lips back to Cas’, both of them moaning again as their tongues battled for dominance. There wasn’t really any winner, it was all teeth and tongue; the same age old battle of too much and not enough, yet again. This time, it was Castiel who grinded his hips up to meet and roll against Dean’s. They both moaned, and Dean knew that even with the music on, someone was bound to hear something after a while.

The logical part of his brain told him that they should stop. If they were going to do… _that_ , then they’d have to wait until a day when his father was working late and his brother was at school doing some type of nerdy thing—

Castiel rolled his hips up against Dean’s again, approximately two seconds before Dean threw all remaining logic out of his brain. He dropped his head down next to Cas’, gently sucking his boyfriend’s earlobe into his mouth and nipping at it softly. They were both a mix of moaning and groaning; neither caring how far it went because they couldn’t _think._

“D-Dean…” Cas whispered out, his voice raspy and groggy. “Feels so good…”

“I know, baby,” Dean whispered into Cas’ ear, rolling his hips down into Cas’ once again; feeling himself grow even harder as he did. He hadn’t been _this_ horny in… well, longer than he could even think.

That was when an idea sparked into his head. He pulled his body away from Cas’ and sat up so he was straddling Cas’ legs. Cas whimpered softly and propped himself up on his elbows. “Dean, is there a reason that you stopped?” he asked.

Dean nodded and put his hand on Cas’ right thigh, rubbing small circles there for a moment before he moved his hand up to trace almost all the way up his thigh. Cas shivered softly and made another soft whimpering noise. “Do you trust me?” Dean asked with a sly grin.

“Do I… Do I what?”

Dean leaned closer to Cas’ lips, breathing hot air on him as he repeated himself, though slower this time, as to make every word count for something. “Do… you… trust… me?”

Cas blinked a few times. Dean knew Castiel well enough now that it was his confused face. “Of course I do, Dean. You know that. I don’t see what this has to do with our current—”

Dean cut Cas off by kissing him, gentle and slow this time with a less sly version of his smile. “Great. Then lay down and shut up unless you want me to stop,” Dean said with a wink.

Castiel blinked a few more times in confusion before laying back on the bed. Dean knew that Cas was most likely completely and totally unaware what he had planned, which he liked. He wanted Cas to be surprised.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Dean reminded him. “If you do then… then we can stop and go downstairs and eat dinner or somethin’,” he assured him. Castiel opened his mouth to say something, but before he did, Dean was pulling at Cas’ zipper and tugging his pants down past his ass. Castiel tensed up a little bit, but Dean was sure it was because of nerves.

He moved his hand to brush against Cas’ cock through his boxers, causing the other boy’s hips to stutter upwards the slightest bit. Dean smiled and positioned himself in between Cas’ legs; mouthing over his boyfriend’s erection once he got close enough. Cas made a loud noise that Dean assumed was a moan. Whatever it was, it convinced Dean to tug off Cas’ boxers so that they were around his thighs as well as his pants.

Cas’ fingers gripped the sheets tightly as he watched his boyfriend grab the base of his dick. His head fell back against the pillows and he bit his lip, obviously trying to stifle any noises coming out of his mouth. Dean moved his hand up and down Cas’ erection a few times before he sucked the head into his mouth. This time, Cas couldn’t hold back a moan, but luckily it wasn’t _too_ loud. And even if it was, Dean couldn’t find a reason to care. He didn’t think that something like this would turn him on so much, but in all honesty, he didn’t think he’d ever been so hard in his entire life.

Dean flattened his tongue out on the base of Cas’ cock as he moved his head down to take in as much of him as he could possibly without choking. He looked up at Cas, who’s eyes were screwed shut as he breathed heavily. Dean smirked the best he could around Cas’ cock, making a small humming noise, knowing for sure what the vibration would do to him.

Castiel gripped at the sheets even tighter, his knuckles turning white as he obviously tried not to buck his hips up into Dean’s mouth. At this point, Dean was grateful at that. Though he’d been giving blow jobs before, he’d never gave one before, and wasn’t one-hundred percent sure how to make it good for Cas.

Dean moved his tongue alongside the base of Cas’ cock before starting to bob his head up and down slowly. Cas was a writhing mess at this point. He’d moved his spare hand to Dean’s head, running his fingers absently through his hair and tugging at his hair as Dean continued his movements, getting faster and faster with every second.

Dean knew Castiel wouldn’t last much longer, and he knew that he was most likely holding on as much as he could. Dean moved his hand up to massage at Cas’ balls, trying to take even more and more of Cas into his mouth as he bobbed his head up and down faster. He was determined to make this as amazing as possible for Castiel as he could.

“D-Dean,” Cas choked out, a desperate moan escaping from his lips. “I-I’m…” His head fell back again and he groaned again, giving Dean’s short hair a tight tug before his hips stuttered up as his orgasm hit him.

Dean moaned around Cas’ cock, barely even realizing the fact that he’d moved his hand into his own pants and began to jerk himself off slowly. As soon as Cas came down, Dean pulled away from him to moved up to kiss his boyfriend. He could tell that Cas was one of those people who got sleepy after having an especially good orgasm, and he couldn’t blame him.

“Dean… do you…” Cas started, not knowing exactly how to put it. All Dean did was nod and lay back on the bed as Cas flipped positions with him, laying in a semi-awkward angle with him so that he could still kiss him and move his hand into Dean’s pants, replacing Dean’s hand with his own.

It didn’t take long for Dean to come; he’d been so hard and horny for so damn long that the mixture of kissing Cas and the way his hand felt wrapped around his own dick made him come in an embarrassingly short amount of time.

Cas kissed Dean through his orgasm, pulling his hand out of Dean’s pants and reaching to the side table where a box of tissues were to wipe off his hand. Sleepily, he tossed it to the side and into the trashcan.

Dean smiled at Cas warmly before tugging him into his arms, wrapping them around him and pulling him close to his chest. Cas cuddled his face into Dean’s chest, causing Dean to smile softly and drop a kiss to his head.

“Dean?” Cas said after a moment or two; breaking the comfortable silence in between them.

“Hmm?” Dean asked, moving so that he was looking Cas in the eye. Their noses were brushing against each other, causing them both to smile.

Cas took a small breath before moving his hand to rest on Dean’s arm, caressing his skin softly as he stared into his deep green eyes. “I love you.”

Dean eyes widened a little. No one—except family or close friends—had ever said that that to him. And when Cas did, Dean got this rush of heat and energy throughout his entire body; a smile spread across his face, his stomach started to do backflips, and his heart… well, his heart was beating faster than he thought it could possibly beat. He was always happy with Cas, but this… this feeling that he had wasn’t just _happy_. He could sift through a million dictionaries and yet he could never find a way to describe the amount of joy he felt when he was with Cas.

Cas had started out as this sad mystery to him, but he was so much more now. He was _everything_ to Dean. He was the first and last thing he thought of when he woke up and went to bed; and the reason he even got out of bed most of the time.

He was the light of Dean’s life. He had no idea he could ever feel this way about someone, but he did. And he’d literally ran face first into him, like something out of one of those cliché movies that he hears some of the girls at school talk about.

“I love you too, angel,” he whispered, leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’ll always love you.”

-0-

When Dean dropped Cas off at his house that night, Cas had a hard time from leaning in and kissing him right there, but he didn’t. He knew that it was possible that Michael or Zachariah could be watching, so he settled on putting his hand gently on Dean’s leg and smiling softly at him. “Thank you for tonight.”

Dean shrugged and smiled back at him. “It was nothing,” he shook his head and laughed softly, “actually, it was a lot more than nothing… But you know what I mean.”

Cas nodded; for once he actually did know what Dean meant. “I’ll miss you this weekend,” he said with a small sigh. “I’ll see if I can convince Zachariah to let me leave for a while Sunday night.”

“Don’t get yourself in trouble over me,” Dean commented almost immediately. He put his fingers on top of Cas’ hand and ran them over his hand gently. “I don’t like when you get in trouble with him. He’s an asshole to you and—”

“Everything’s okay, Dean,” Cas reassured him. “I have been dealing with Zachariah for almost seven years. I know what I’m doing.”

Dean sighed and entwined his fingers with Cas’ for a second. “Just be careful.”

Cas nodded and gave Dean’s fingers a squeeze before grabbing his bag and begging to get out of the car. “I’ll see you Monday.”

Dean smiled and waved at him a tiny bit with his fingers. “I love you.”

Cas smiled at Dean and slung his bag over his shoulder. “I love you too,” he whispered. He felt as if even whispering it would set off his Uncle or brother.

They shared a look for a moment before Cas closed the door and Dean drove off. Cas smiled to himself, feeling completely and utterly _giddy_ deep down. He wanted to scream and shout about how exuberant he was, but he didn’t. Instead he hid his smile and walked to his front door, opening it and walking upstairs, happy that he wasn’t caught by Michael. There wasn’t really any reason for him to be, though. It was four fifty-five, which was five minutes _before_ his curfew.

The second he got inside his room he closed the door behind him and locked it before walking over to his bed. Instantly, he flopped over onto it and stared up at the ceiling with a large smile on his face. He couldn’t help himself from smiling. Ever since he and Dean had gotten together, it felt like smiling was all he did. Sure, his family life was still crappy as all get out, but when he was with Dean everything seemed okay. He felt beyond happy with him. His _boyfriend_. For once, ever since his mother had died, he felt like someone other than ‘the weird, nerdy kid with messy hair that wears a trench coat every day’. Dean made him feel like there was a possibility that he could be someone someday. Even if that someone wasn’t someone necessarily important. Even if that someone was just a simple guy, living a simple apple pie life, with the man he loved.

Yes, _loved._ He loved Dean. He loved Dean more than anyone or anything in the entire world. He never thought he’d come out to anyone, much less fall in love— _requited_ love for Christ’s sake. Sometimes he found himself being comply and totally confused about how this was his life, about how he, Castiel Novak, was happy and _loved._

He knew for a fact that he wasn’t loved at home. If he were loved at home, they would have accepted him for being who he was, even when that turned out to be gay. If he were truly loved by his family, then Michael wouldn’t be constantly turning him over to Zachariah for every little infraction he had made over the years. If his family really loved him, then Gabriel would stick up for him when Zachariah started to go off on him. If his family really, truly, honestly loved him like any _normal_ family—like Dean’s family—loved each other, then Zachariah wouldn’t treat Castiel as if he were a prisoner in his own “home”.

Home. His current house wasn’t his home. When he heard “home” the first thing that came to mind was Dean. When he thought of home, he thought of being with Dean, no matter where they were. When he was with Dean, no matter if it were at the older boy’s house or at school, Cas felt at home. Castiel always felt safe with Dean. He knew for a fact that Dean wouldn’t ever let anyone hurt him. That was one of the many things he loved about Dean, his overwhelming sense of love and loyalty towards Castiel. He wasn’t sure how he earned it, but somehow he did. He didn’t know why he deserved Dean. He didn’t understand how it was possible that someone as perfect as Dean would want to be with him: a sad, simple, boring, generally uncultured boy who had moved from place to place since he was about eleven.

Except, he was no longer like that, not really, not completely. He’d changed in miraculous ways, as he described it. He’d always been taught—no, drilled—to believe everything that the bible taught—what his uncle taught, really—was true. He’d always thought that he had no other choice but to have faith and believe in everything that his uncle had taught him. Something changed when he started dating Dean. Hell, it might have changed the second he _met_ Dean.

Dean taught him that he had his own mind. He could make his own decisions, even if his uncle, brothers or anyone else thought of them. He’d read about something called ‘free-will’ in the bible—Proverbs, if he remembered correctly, among other places—but he never really understood it. How could someone have this so called free-will, and still live under so many rules and regulations? Until Castiel met Dean, he wasn’t a person, not really. He was a robot, programmed to follow every step his uncle or Michael told him to take. Though deep down, he’d always been different. More rebellious. That was clear to him now.

Now more than ever, he wanted out.

-0-

The following Saturday went by overwhelmingly slow. All Castiel could do was sit up in his room and text Dean, which wasn’t boring, but he still longed to hear his voice. He hoped that he wasn’t being in any way annoying by texting Dean all day, but when he questioned him about it, he assured him that he didn’t mind at all.

He hated the fact that he couldn’t see him on the weekends, though. All he wanted to do was be with him, or at least know that if he wanted to, he’d be able to. But he wasn’t. He was forced to stay at home, locked up in his room—other than the few times a day that he was forced to go downstairs to be with his family—alone.

Dinner—being one of the times Cas was forced downstairs and away from his only connection to Dean—at the Novak’s family was always a cold ordeal. They’d all gather around a large table, way too big for four people, and eat in near silence. Occasionally, Zachariah would talk to Michael about something to do with the new church he was helping set up, but other than that, or the occasions where the whole dinner was spent with his uncle lecturing Castiel on one thing or another, it was a stony silence. After praying, they’d begin to eat the dinner that Castiel had made. It’d been his responsibility to make dinner ever since he was about twelve.

He hated it. He hated cooking for a family he didn’t think he belonged in. Dean had suggested that he spit in their food, which made him laugh. The only way he could get through dinner most nights was thinking about his boyfriend. Though he had to be careful. If anyone caught him smiling in the normal way he usually did when he thought of Dean, he didn’t think it would go down well. He didn’t want to think of the most likely thousand or so questions his uncle would ask him.

“How is your school work, Castiel?”

Cas looked up to Zachariah, his head shooting up quickly to look at the older man. He was surprised that he was being asked a question. Dinners would usually go by without a word said to the youngest of the Novaks. The nights that there were words towards him, never started with a generally neutral question like this. It would usually start off with something along the lines of ‘Michael informed me that…’ or something along those lines. It usually ended up with him getting in trouble for something.

“I’m passing all of my courses with A’s,” Cas informed his uncle after swallowing. He didn’t mention that his teachers had been helping him fill out college applications.

Zachariah nodded and continued to eat. Cas stared at him for a moment, wondering as to if there was anything else to the conversation. He looked down to his food and began to eat again; all he wanted to do was finish eating so he could go up to his room and text Dean, as he did every night. It was the only thing that could get him to fall asleep without feeling any form of loneliness at night. He longed for the day that he could fall asleep in bed with Dean and wake up to find he was still in his arms.

“You are to help at the church tomorrow,” Zachariah informed him. Castiel felt the need to roll his eyes or huff—a bad habit he’d picked up from Dean—but he luckily he didn’t.

“Yes sir.”

“It shouldn’t be much longer till we move again.”

Castiel dropped his fork unintentionally on his plate, Gabriel, who sat next to him, jumping a little at the crash. “H-how much longer?” he choked out.

“A month, maybe two.”

Castiel felt his stomach drop, his heart ache and his throat tighten. _No!_ he wanted to scream. “School doesn’t end until another two months. Can we not wait until I can finish my senior year here?”

Zachariah blinked in his nephew’s direction as if he’d suggested something barbaric. “Why should we stay any longer than necessary? You shall still finish school, Castiel. Your parents would have it no other—”

“It matters because I have friends here!” Castiel cut his uncle off, forgetting all respect— _fear—_ he once had for the man. He wasn’t leaving. _He couldn’t._ Not now. He’d promised Dean that he’d stay here until he graduated, and then the summer afterwards. There’s no way in hell he was leaving him.

“You watch your tone, boy!” Zachariah snapped. Normally Castiel would have apologized strictly out of fear, but this time he wasn’t afraid. No. He was enraged. “I don’t care _what_ you have. You have a family and God. You don’t need worldly things such as—”

“How is having friends a worldly thing?” Castiel yelled, becoming increasingly outraged by the second.

“Uncle I believe this has to do with that Winchester boy he’s been socializing with so often,” Michael added.

By this point, Castiel was so angry that he did something he’d never done before. He stood up, the force of him standing making the chair fall backwards as he turned to look over at Michael. “Fuck you!” he yelled. He’d never cursed, not in his entire life, but he was so damn tired of being pushed around. He couldn’t do it any longer.

“Castiel!” Zachariah screamed as he stood up to face him. Michael looked so stunned that Cas believed he was speechless… Gabriel just looked amused. “That _language_ will not be tolerated in this house! And your complete and blatant lack of respect won’t be either! Michael is right, that boy is corrupting you. You are no longer allowed to socialize with him.”

“Like hell I’m not,” Castiel yelled back at him before walking away from the table.

“Castiel! Get back in—”

Before he could finish, Castiel slammed the door to his house behind him. He felt warm tears pouring down his face, but he ignored them. He didn’t want to think about it now. Shakily, he pulled his phone out of his pocket as he walked down the road. His eyes were clouded with tears, but somehow he managed to dial the number he now had memorized by heart.

“Hello?” He picked up on the second ring, his voice happy as if he’d just finished laughing. He was probably with his family.

“D-Dean?” Cas managed to whisper through his tears.

“Cas?” Dean asked. Castiel could hear some rustling over the phone, as if he were standing up and walking into another room. “Cas, what’s wrong?”

“C-Can you pick me up?” he whispered, sniffling softly. “I had a fight with Zachariah… H-he wants to take me away from you. I-I can’t leave you, Dean. I can’t leave you…”

“Shh, baby, it’s okay,” Dean soothed from over the phone. “Where are you? I’m about to leave now.”

Castiel looked around. He’d been nonstop since he left his house, which was only about two minutes ago. He looked across the street, seeing a small, empty, park. “I’m at the park near my house,” he answered quietly.

“Alright, I’ll be there soon,” Dean said. Castiel nodded uselessly, knowing that Dean wouldn’t be able to see him. He went to hang up, but Dean added something else, “I love you.”

Castiel sniffled softly and went to pull his trench coat closer around his body, but he remembered that he’d never put it on today. “I love you too,” he whispered. The line went dead and Castiel let out a small sob. He couldn’t believe that he’d gotten so angry at Zachariah. That wasn’t like him. When Cas got angry, he’d internalize everything. Never would he actually say anything.

And this time, he really wished he hadn’t.


	7. Chapter 7

“Dean, it’s almost eight o’clock!” Sam said as he watched Dean walk towards the door. Dean opened the door and out of it, Sam following behind him. “Where the hell are you going?”

“Cas needs me, Sammy,” Dean answered, trying to fish his keys out of his pocket as he walked to his car.

“What do I tell dad when you’re not home when he gets here?” Sam asked. “It’s Saturday, Dean! We always have dinner together Saturday nights. Mom started this tradition, you really think Dad’ll be too pleased when he comes home to you missing? You know how important family is to him…”

“Yeah, well family’s important to me too,” Dean said as he managed to get his keys and unlock his car, opening the door in a matter of seconds. “And Cas is my family too. He needs me.”

Sam looked at Dean with sort of confused eyes. His head cocked the right a little bit as he stared at Dean. “You love him, don’t you?”

“Can we not do this now?” Dean cut off his little brother. “We can have the fucking Lifetime movie moment later. I need to leave now.” With that, he got into the car and shut the door, pulling out of the parking lot way too fast than necessary. He didn’t care though. He needed to get to Castiel, and now.

His body was on autopilot as he drove to the park Cas told him he’d be at. He didn’t think about speed limits or anything that had to do with safe driving. All he could think about was getting to where Cas was and taking him home and away from those _fucking asshats_ he called family. He swore, the second he got him home he’d never let him leave. He’d never let anyone hurt him again.

He pulled up to the park and got out of the Impala almost within the same second. “Cas?” he yelled, trying to locate his boyfriend within the park. It wasn’t large, so he assumed it wouldn’t take too long, but still… he didn’t want him to be alone any longer than he had to be. Honestly, he just wanted him in his arms. He wanted to take away all his pain… Everything.

“Dean?” he heard Castiel call his name back, quiet and raspy as if he’d been crying for some time. Dean turned to the side, and sure enough, Castiel was sitting on a park bench, his head in his hands as he sat hunched over. He looked absolutely wrecked.

“Cas…” Dean said gently, walking over to him quickly and sitting down. “What—?”

Before he could finish asking what had happened, Cas broke out into another sob. Dean felt his heart break at the sight and sound of his boyfriend crying. All he could remember Cas saying was his uncle wanting to take Cas away from him. Did he know? Had Cas accidently told him about them? Instantly, he felt even sicker than before.

“Shh, come here, angel,” Dean whispered, wrapping his arms around Cas and holding him close to him. “Everything’s going to be okay, you hear? I’m not letting them take you away from me. Ever.”

Cas sniffled and moved into Dean’s arms a little more, burying his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck and crying softly. Dean hated seeing Cas like this; he just wanted to hold him forever until he stopped crying. He pressed a gentle kiss to Castiel’s hair before letting his hand run up his back, running his finger gently along his spine as he sat with him.

“This is the first time I’ve been happy in years,” Castiel admitted quietly as he pulled his face away from Dean’s neck. His blue eyes were glassy and red-rimmed from crying so much. It broke Dean’s heart. He still wasn’t used to caring so much for someone else’s feelings. It became clearer and clearer just how much he loved the blue-eyed boy then. “He-he said that we were leaving in two months, maybe only one, and he doesn’t want me to see you anymore.”

“He doesn’t know about us, does he?” Dean asked carefully.

Cas shook his head. “No, but I believe if things continue as they are now, he will know soon.”

Dean sighed softly and leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Cas’ lips. It was dark, so even if there was anyone around, they wouldn’t be able to see anything. Cas looked so close to breaking down again, and Dean didn’t know what else to do. He was still so bad at the whole ‘talking about feelings’ thing, and this… this was so much bigger than that. He didn’t know how to make it go away, or make Cas feel better. “Let me take you home,” Dean said softly. “We’ll figure out what to do tomorrow, but you need some sleep. You look exhausted, man.”

Castiel sniffled again and nodded. Dean stood up and offered his hand for Cas to take, which he did in a mere second.

The ride back to Dean’s house was silent, other than the occasional sniffle from Cas’ direction. Dean held Cas’ hand the whole time, letting his thumb gently caress his boyfriend’s finger in what he hoped was a comforting manner. He didn’t know how to handle any of it. Cas was so broken. It was easy for anyone to see that. It was his fucking family’s fault, too. Dean wanted nothing more than to go over there and beat the shit out of every one of those assholes… but he didn’t, and the only reason he wouldn’t is because he knew Castiel wouldn’t let him.

“Do they know?” Cas broke the silence as they pulled up into the driveway.

“What?” Dean asked before it clicked into his mind. “Oh, uh… No. Well, I think Sammy might know. But I haven’t told my dad.”

Castiel nodded and looked down into his lap. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Dean blinked a few times in confusion. “Um… for what?”

“For making you leave your house this late at night, for making you miss dinner, for complicating your life with my own problems, for—”

“Hey, stop that,” Dean said, reaching over and tilting Cas’ chin up so he could look at his boyfriend. Cas refused to look at him. “C’mon, Cas, look at me,” Dean pleaded. Cas slowly turned his head towards Dean, more tears falling from his eyes.

“I-I’m sorry, Dean…”

“Listen to me,” Dean started out, his voice stern but so love-filled it surprised him. “You have _nothing_ to be sorry for. It’s not that late, it’s not like it was my last meal in the world, and… and you haven’t complicated my life at all.” He sighed softly and reached in between them, taking both of Cas’ hands in his own. “I was so alone before I met you. I was alone, and I was lost. I was sure I was destined to live out my life like that, or end up spending my life with someone I didn’t love. But I met you, Cas, and you changed all that. You made my life… _better._ You hear me? You made my life so much better. And I never want to hear you say you complicated my life in any way, because you didn’t. You made my life worth living.”

Castiel sniffled softly again, but his lip twitched up a little like he was attempting to smile, but he couldn’t quiet manage it. “I love you so much,” Cas whispered, moving forward and wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck.

Dean buried his nose in Cas’ neck and pressed a gentle kiss to the exposed skin there. “I love you too,” he whispered. “I’ll never stop loving you. I promise.”

They hugged each other tightly for a few moments before Dean let go of him with a small smile on his face. “Come on, let’s get you inside. Do you want something to eat?” he asked, moving his hand to gently caress Cas’ cheek.

Cas shook his head and placed his hand over Dean’s. “I’m okay. If I could just take a shower and go to sleep…”

Dean nodded and pressed a kiss to Cas’ nose. “Alright,” he said softly.

They both got out of the car and walked to the front door, Dean opening it once they got there. As he expected, his dad was waiting for him.

“Dean, it’s almost nine o’clock!” he yelled—more snarled than anything—as he came barging into the foyer. “I gave you that damn car to get to school and back and go out with your friends when we don’t have family—” Finally, the eldest Winchester’s eyes fell upon Castiel, who was standing behind Dean, still looking absolutely wrecked, but not as much as before. “Oh… Castiel… I thought when Sam said that Dean had gone out to get you he was just covering Dean’s nuts.”

Cas blinked a few times before whispering to Dean, “I don’t understand what that means.”

Dean laughed softly and shook his head. “No, Dad, I’m sorry. Cas called me and told me he was having so family issues. Do you mind if he stays here tonight?”

John’s once angry expression dropped into a calmer one. “No, of course not. He’s right in time for dinner, actually.”

“I’m not hungry, but I appreciate the offer,” Castiel said softly, his eyes downcast.

“I’ll be down for dinner in a moment, Dad.” Dean began to walk Castiel over to the stairs. “I’m just going to help him get situated and… yeah.” He gave his dad a thankful smile as he started to walk up the stairs with his boyfriend.

Once they were up the stairs and in Dean’s room, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’ neck and pressed their forehead’s together. “Once you’re out of the shower just come downstairs, okay?” He smiled softly and brushed his lips against Cas’.

Cas closed the small gap in between them, kissing Dean back gently. Dean shivered softly and let his hand drop to Cas’ waist, trying not to let himself sink too deep into Cas’ kiss. It wasn’t an easy task.

“I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.”

“I’m sure I can manage,” Cas answered with a small hint of snarkiness. Dean rolled his eyes and pressed another kiss to Cas’ lips before unwrapping his arms from the smaller boy and heading downstairs. “Dean?” Cas said, catching him before he began going downstairs.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Castiel said softly. “For… everything.”

Dean smiled and nodded. “Don’t mention it.”

-0-

“So, wait, let me get this straight,” John started off, talking slowly as he ate. “He’s staying here because…”

“His Uncle and his brothers, especially the older one, are a bunch of assholes. They wanted to take him away from m—from school. Did ya know he’s never finished a school year at the same year before? He’s _always_ moved. I’m the first real friend the guy’s ever had. They think he’s losing his faith or some stupid crap like that, and they think that uprooting him and making him leave is going to help. But it’s _not_ , because I’m not letting them take him away.”

Sam and John were speechless. Neither of them had ever seen Dean so angry about someone else’s problems before. “Well… until he can get things sorted out, he can stay here.”

Dean let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you, Dad,” he said gently.

“Where’s he gonna sleep?” Sam cut in, looking at Dean with knowing eyes. Dean wanted to punch his brother in the face, but he restrained himself.

“I’ll set up the air mattress in my room. The couch is no good to sleep on, so the air mattress is the best thing we got,” Dean answered, still glaring at Sam. He was, of course, going to set it up. He just wasn’t going to use it. He intended on sleeping in his bed with Castiel in his arms all night, and the better part of the next day.

“Sounds good enough to me,” John responded. “I’ll help you when we’re finished.”

“I can help him,” Castiel commented as he walked into the dining room, wearing a pair of Dean’s pajama bottoms and a shirt that was way too big for Dean, much less Cas, that he must have grabbed out of his closet. “I hope you don’t mind, but I had nothing else to wear…”

Dean smiled at him and fought the urge to pull him down into his lap. “Nope, not at all,” he said, wanting so badly to tell Cas how amazing he thought he looked in wearing his clothing. Instead, he patted the seat next to him and said, “C’mere.”

Castiel sat down next to him, looking over to Dean with soft eyes. Dean smiled again at him and reached across the table to cut a piece of pie for Cas and putting it in front of him. Cas opened his mouth to tell Dean he wanted none, but Dean cut him off. “Shut up and eat your pie, ba—Cas.”

Castiel, along with Dean, blushed softly and nodded. “Thank you.”

John looked from Castiel to Dean with a raised brow, clearly wondering what the hell was going on; Sam just looked amused.

“So… Cas,” John started. “Have you applied to any colleges yet?”

Cas nodded and swallowed a bite of his pie. “Yes, sir. Dean has been helping me. I’ve applied to Yale, Cornell, Princeton, Stanford, and Harvard, among others… But I doubt I’ll get in to any.”

“Oh shut up,” Dean cut him off, rolling his eyes. “Just wait till they mail out acceptance letters. Every college, including Hogwarts, will be fighting over you. You’re too smart not to get into all of them, much less one.”

“I’m not that smart, Dean…” Castiel said with a sigh. “And what is Hogwarts?” Castiel asked with genuine curiosity, like he’d missed an opportunity to apply to the most high-end school ever.

Dean laughed and rolled his eyes. “I’ll explain later,” he said with a smile.

All Cas did was nod and continue to eat his pie, reaching under the table to place his hand on Dean’s knee gently. Dean smiled into his own pie, moving his hand under the table to cover Cas’ hand.

The rest of dinner went by pretty quickly. It was just as relaxed as their normal dinners, and Cas seemed to noticed that. He’d told Dean about the family dinners they had at his house. They always seemed so harsh and cold…

“Well, I’m tired,” Dean said, even though it was a lie. He really just wanted to go upstairs and be alone with Cas. “Night, Dad, Sammy.”

“Good night,” John said, standing up and taking their plates. “Cas, I hope things work out with your family, but if not, you’re always welcome here.”

Castiel nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Winchester.”

Sam smirked over at the two as John walked into the kitchen and out of ear-shot. “So, how long have you to been together?” he asked.

Dean sighed and glared at Sam. “I swear to God, Sam, if you make a big deal out of this I’m going to—”

“Hey!” Sam put his hands up into the air defensively. “I’m totally cool with it, man. My friend Lily is gay, and so is your friend Charlie, and I talk to her all the time. I’m just asking a question.”

Dean sighed and crossed his arms. “I’m not gay,” he muttered. “I’m… I don’t know. I’m dating Cas, yeah, but… I don’t know.”

“So wait, you’re dating a guy, but you don’t know if you’re gay?” Sam asked with a confused look on his face.

“If it helps at all, I’m gay,” Castiel cut in, obviously trying to keep them from bickering any further. “And we’ve been together for almost a month.”

“Yeah, what he said,” Dean said, looking over to Cas behind him. “Now can we go upstairs?” Dean asked Sam, wrapping his arm around Cas’ waist. “Or do you have any more questions for us?”

Sam shook his head and Dean gave him a sarcastic smile as he started to walk upstairs. “Help me set up the air mattress,” he said, unwrapping his arm from Cas’ waist and opening the hall closet door to get it out.

“I was hoping I could sleep in your bed with you tonight,” Castiel admitted quietly, taking the air mattress itself from Dean as he grabbed the air pump.

“You can,” Dean said, turning to face Cas. “It’s just so my dad doesn’t think… You know.”

Cas nodded softly and walked into Dean’s room. Dean shut the door behind them and locked it before starting to set up the mattress. They didn’t do a great job on setting it up, but then again, they wouldn’t be using it, so they didn’t really bother.

Dean walked over to his dresser after finishing up and grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms, discarding his shirt and jeans and pulling them on before lying in bed next to Cas, who was already in bed. “You look really cute in my clothes, you know that?” Dean asked with a smile, opening his arms for Cas to cuddle into.

Cas put his head onto Dean’s chest and cuddled close to him. “Thank you for letting me wear them. I didn’t like the idea of having to sleep in my normal attire.”

Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead and held him closer. “It’s not a problem, baby.”

“I wish I could stay here with you forever,” Cas whispered.

“You mean here in bed or here in my house?”

Cas thought it over a moment before looking up to Dean with large blue eyes. “Both.”

Dean laughed softly and nodded, moving his fingers down to gently run across Cas’ side. “Me too,” he said with a sigh. “I wish you never had to leave me… I just wish you were all the time.”

“We could have our own home,” Castiel said thoughtfully.

“Hmm? Really?”

“Yes, we could,” Castiel said, as if he were seriously deciding upon them going out and buying a house.

“What would our house look like?”

Cas was quiet a moment as he thought it over. “Our house would be large, but not too large. It’d be white with a sunroom at the top, and all of the windows’ shutters would be green… The same shade of green as your eyes.” Castiel smiled softly and scooted up so that he was laying on the pillow instead of Dean’s chest. He replaced his head with his hand, resting over Dean’s heart. “And there would be a huge porch, with a porch swing. And we’d be overlooking a lake…” Cas started to blush a little and buried his face into Dean’s neck. “This is stupid, I’m sorry.”

Dean laughed softly and rubbed Cas’ back gently. “It’s not stupid, baby,” he said, pressing a kiss to his head gently. He rolled over so he was laying on his back and pulled Cas with him so that he was lying on top of him. “I promise you, we’ll live in that house one day.”

“Can we get a cat?” Cas asked, far too excited than Dean thought he should be.

“What? No! Why a cat?”

“I’ve never had a cat… And I think cats are cute.”

Dean rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist. “You’re cute.”

Cas leaned in and pressed his lips against Dean’s softly. “You’ve said,” he muttered, kissing Dean over and over again gently.

“Must be true then…” he muttered through the kisses, running his hands gently against the small of Cas’ back and down to the swell of his ass.

Cas moaned softly and kissed down Dean’s neck, sucking gently at his neck in the spot that he must’ve learned drove Dean crazy. Dean didn’t care that anyone was downstairs, or that there was the very real possibility that Sam or John could hear them. He honestly didn’t care; he just wanted to be close to Cas.

“I’m not going to let them take you away from me,” Dean whispered, pulling Cas even closer to him, if that was at all possible. He moved his hand to tilt Cas’ chin up to face him. “You hear me? I’m never letting anyone take you away from me. I promise, Cas. You’re mine.”

“Yours,” Cas whispered, kissing the corner of Dean’s lips gently. “I’ll always be yours, Dean.”

Right as Dean crashed his lips into Castiel’s and began to roll on top of him, there was a knock at the door. “Shit!” Dean whispered, rolling off of Cas and sitting up. He stood up and walked over to the door and opened it slightly.

“Dean? Can I talk to you?”

Dean sighed and looked back to Cas. “I’ll be right back,” he said to Cas, smiling at him before walking out the door and leaning against it. He couldn’t believe he was being interrupted; all he wanted to do was be with Castiel… _alone._

“Is there something… going on… between you and Cas?” John asked sort of tentatively. He looked as if he knew the answer, but he didn’t want to make any accusations if it weren’t true.

Dean felt his stomach turn a little bit, not knowing how his father would respond to him if he told him that he and Cas were dating. Honestly? Dean had no idea where he stood on the who homosexuality thing. It was never something they really talked about. But whenever Charlie was over, he was nice to her, and he was pretty sure he knew that she was a lesbian. Maybe it would be different if it were his own son, though?

Dean didn’t know, and honestly, he was scared to find out… Even though he knew he had to eventually. “What do you mean?” Dean asked quietly, biting his inner lip a little harder than necessary. He wanted this conversation to be over so he could go back inside and curl up with Cas. Even though the heat of the moment had passed, and there was probably no way they could do anything together after the conversation Dean was sure was coming, he still wanted to curl up with his boyfriend. He just wanted to be with him.

It was a feeling he still wasn’t used to. He always wanted to be touching Cas, no matter if that was hugging or full on cuddling with him, all the time. He wondered if this was what people talked about when they spoke of soul mates.

“I mean…” John started, reaching behind him to scratch at his neck awkwardly. It was obvious he didn’t know what he was doing, or saying. “Are you two… together. As in, are you two together… romantically.”

Dean bit down on his lip harder and propped his foot up on the door. He didn’t want to lie, but he was afraid to tell the truth. He sighed and leaned his head against the door, looking up at the ceiling for a few moments before looking back to his father. He really didn’t want to have this conversation, but he always knew he’d have to.

“Y-yeah… We are. Sort of,” Dean answered slowly. “Is… is that a problem?” he asked, unable to look his father in the eye. He felt nauseous, completely and totally sick to his goddamn stomach. He was fucking horrified of his father’s reaction. He was always so scared of disappointing his family, and he was afraid of this being one of those times.

John nodded. “I assumed as much.” Dean felt another wave of nausea cross over his body until he clapped his hand over Dean’s shoulder. “Listen to me, Dean. I’m fine with this. I could tell you felt something for the boy the first day you brought him home. Hell, the first time you mentioned the kid’s name I saw that spark in your eye. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever seen, kid.”

Dean was flabbergasted, to say the least. He’d honestly thought his father would have had more to say… maybe get a little angry. He didn’t think he’d be okay with it. He was glad he was okay with it, of course. But he was just surprised. Grateful, but surprised.

“I can’t believe you’re okay with this,” Dean said with a relieved sigh. “I thought you’d… ya know, not be.”

John gave Dean’s shoulder a little squeeze before smiling at his son a little. It was a an extremely warm smile, which was a lot coming from John. He hadn’t really smiled that much since their mother had died. But he was smiling now, looking happy and almost excited. “Are you happy with him?”

Dean looked down to the floor yet again, mainly to keep his father from seeing the blush that spread across his cheeks. “Yes, sir,” he said softly. He paused a moment, thinking his father would say something else, but he didn’t. He seemed as if he wanted Dean to go on. “I-I-uh… I love him. I mean, we haven’t really known each other for that long, and we haven’t been together long but… but when I’m with him I don’t feel so… I don’t feel anything bad. I feel happy for once in a really long time.”

John smiled a little more and nodded. “Dean, as long as you’re happy, I’m not gonna judge you. I just wanted you to be upfront with me. Can you do that for me?”

Dean looked up to his dad and nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Good, now you two get some sleep. Cas still looks pretty shaken up.”

“Alright. Night, Dad,” Dean said, watching as his dad turned around to head back downstairs. “Dad?”

“Yes, son?”

Dean smiled softly and sighed in relief. “Thank you.” 


	8. Chapter 8

Castiel woke up the next morning with Dean’s arms wrapped securely around him. They were nestled under the blankets with their legs tangled together; Castiel couldn’t remember being so comfortable in his life. His head was laying against Dean’s chest, so close he could hear the older boy’s heart beating. He wanted to stay there forever and never have to worry about an outside world. He wanted to be able to wake up every single morning and see Dean next to him.

 _God_ , it scared him how much he loved him; how much he ached for his touch at every single moment of the day. It was weird, in an amazing way that he held with ardor.

Dean was still asleep, which Cas was almost grateful for. He liked to watch Dean sleep. He was so peaceful and sweet in his sleep, as if he were this perfect, beautiful creature that was all his. He felt his heart swell at the thought of that, that no matter what, Dean was _his._ It baffled him that Dean felt the same way he did. He wasn’t sure if he could wrap his brain around the idea.

When he was with Dean, he forgot about how his family was so messed up. He would completely push it to the back of his mind and ignore it. Dean completely brought the best out in him; he didn’t understand what Zachariah meant when he had said that Dean was “corrupting” him. If anything, Dean was making him better. Cas had never felt so strong and independent in his life. He’d have never dared to stand up to his family like he had before he met Dean. Then again, that was probably why Zachariah wanted to get him away from Dean, because now Cas was thinking for himself. He was no longer brainwashed into believing everything his uncle preached at him.

Cas sighed gently and nuzzled his face into Dean’s neck, taking in everything he could about him as he did so. He never wanted to forget this moment, when it was just _them._ No one else.

Dean started to stir as Castiel cuddled closer to him. He yawned gently and looked down at Cas, who was now pressing gentle kisses to Dean’s neck and chin. “Mmm…” Dean mumbled, moving his hand up to rest on his boyfriend’s back. “Morning, angel.”

“I do not understand why you call me that,” Castiel mumbled as he kissed Dean’s chin gently. “I am in no way a celestial being.”

Castiel could see Dean roll his eyes and pull him closer so that he could kiss his lips, neither caring if the other had morning breath. “You’re an angel to me, Cas. Angels are supposed to be perfect, right?” he asked, but didn’t let Cas answer. “And you’re perfect to me. So… you’re my angel.”

Castiel grinned a little and ran his hands down Dean’s sides. “You’re perfect as well, Dean.”

Dean rolled his eyes and pulled Cas closer. They laid their foreheads against each other and allowed one each other to get lost in the other’s eyes. Castiel couldn’t stop staring at the light and dark shades of green in Dean’s eyes. They were so deep and brooding, yet there was a wild aspect to them… and then there was another part to him that he could barely make out; it was a very large part that Dean had pushed deep, deep, deep, deep, _deep_ down so that no would ever unbury it and use it against him.

Castiel could tell how lost Dean was. He looked into his eyes, and while they were beautiful, they were definitely the saddest thing he’d ever seen in his life. It broke his heart.

“How’d you sleep last night?” Dean asked, running his hand gently up and down Cas’ back. “I know my bed isn’t exactly the most comfortable, but ya know, it gets the job done.”

Cas cuddled closer to Dean and pressed one more kiss to his chin before dropping his head back to Dean’s chest. “I’ve never slept so well in my life.”

Cas felt Dean press a kiss to his head and hold onto him tighter, as if he were Dean’s lifeline. “Me neither.”

Cas was silent for a moment before turning his head up to face Dean. “Thank you for being there for me last night. I don’t know what I’ve done if not for you.”

“I’m always gonna be there for you. You know that, don’t you?” he asked, smiling at Cas sweetly before leaning in and kissing the bridge of his nose a bit. “I promise. I won’t ever let you go.”

“I promise as well,” Castiel remarked, leaning up to kiss Dean gently. “I’ll never leave you, Dean.”

Dean smirked and rolled over so that he was on top of Cas. “You better not,” he muttered, leaning down and pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. They both laughed gently before letting their lips meet again. Castiel moved to cup the back of Dean’s neck and pull him closer as Dean continued to kiss him at the same pace, slow yet passionate. Castiel made a soft sighing noise into the kiss, squeezing his eyes shut tighter and imagining that they were alone.

It would be just them, in the house Castiel had described to him the previous night. They’d be in the bedroom—their bedroom—after just waking up on a Sunday morning which they both had off of work. They could do whatever they wanted, not having to worry about anyone walking in, or any menacing uncle or brothers that threaten to turn Castiel’s life upside down.

“I love you,” Dean whispered as he kissed Castiel once more. “I love you so much, Cas.” His voice was rough and gravely from sleep, but awake enough for it all to be real.

Castiel locked his lips with Dean’s once more, letting his hand that was resting on Dean’s back fall to his ass, letting it rest on the skin there. It seemed that each time he kissed Dean, they got closer and closer to the day Castiel was waiting for. He wanted to be with Dean… like that _so_ much. He’d never been someone who thought about sex before, not really. Sure, he was a guy, and he was sixteen, so he obviously had urges and hormones, but he had never been obsessed with having sex or “getting laid” as some called.

But then there was Dean. Everything about him made Cas wanted to push him into a wall and just beg for him to take him there and now. He wanted to know what it felt like to have Dean inside of him, he wanted to know what it felt like to be intimate with him, and how it felt like to have that kind of connection with someone. He always knew that he and Dean had a profound bond of sorts, but when it came to sex… something inside of him told him that it would make that bond even stronger.

Dean had been so gentle and understanding with Cas, and it made Castiel want Dean so much more. The fact that Dean was so willing to put aside that he so obviously wanted to get into Cas’ pants because he wanted Cas to be comfortable, because he wanted their first time to be special, made Cas want him a thousand times more than he already constantly did.

Dean moaned gently against Cas’ lips, slowly rocking his hips down into Cas like he had a few days ago. Cas moaned in turn, letting his hand slip into Dean’s boxers so that his hand could kneed at Dean’s ass without any unnecessary clothing. Cas was barely able to hold back his begs for Dean to _“just fuck me”,_ but they were still in his head. He wanted to pull off all of his and Dean’s clothes and just beg him to take him, but he couldn’t. Not with Dean’s father and brother a few doors down. Though, he wanted to. He wanted to so bad it nearly hurt.

“Dean?” Cas whispered softly.

“Yeah, baby?” Dean answered, rolling his hips down a little again.

A shot of pleasure rushed throughout Cas’ body. He was afraid for a moment that he’d come in his—well, Dean’s—pants. “Skip school with me tomorrow.”

“What?” Dean asked, stopping the movements of his hips to stare down at his boyfriend. “You… wait, you’re asking me to skip school with you tomorrow?”

“Yes, I believe I am,” Castiel answered, finding himself wondering if he’d stuttered.

“Why?”

Cas propped himself up on his elbows, looking directly into Dean’s eyes. “We can pack a lunch and go down to the lake. We can spend all day together, just as we did a few weeks ago, when we first got together.”

“All day?”

“Until I’m expected home,” Castiel said with a small smile. “Please, Dean? I do not want to be a part from you. I want to stay with you as long as I possibly can.”

Dean blinked a few times and laughed. “Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend,” he asked.

Castiel cocked his head to the side and looked confused; he didn’t understand half the things that came out of Dean’s mouth most of the time. “I’m still me, Dean. No one has done anything with me…”

Dean laughed louder, but Cas didn’t understand the humor. Dean leaned in again and kissed Castiel once more before giving him his answer, “Of course I’ll skip with you. Hell, you should’ve known the answer before you even asked.”

Castiel shrugged and looped his arm around Dean’s waist, hugging him tightly to his body. “I did, actually, but I needed to be sure.”

Dean grinned at Cas a little before dropping his head to Cas’ shoulder, letting it rest there for a moment before looking back into Cas’ eyes. “C’mon, let’s go downstairs and eat. I’m starved.”

“You’re always hungry,” Castiel noted as Dean hoped off of him and grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his lean chest.

“Shut up, so are you,” Dean said, holding his hand out for Castiel to take.

Castiel hadn’t realized until then, but he was starting to get rather hungry, so he took Dean’s hand and let him lead him downstairs. “Are you sure your father is okay with… us?” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear once they got downstairs and saw Sam and John sitting at the table already.

“He said as long as I was happy, he was fine with it,” Dean said with a shrug, pulling Cas into the kitchen.

Something inside of Cas felt both broken and filled at the same time. In one way, he was overwhelmingly pleased that Dean’s family was okay with him being whatever he wanted to be, as long as he was happy. But another part of him ached for his family to be like that. He wanted them to be happy for him. Though he knew, with his family at least, that was never an option. He’d never have that pleasantry.

“Mornin’ boys,” John said as the two walked in, hand in hand, and over to the table. “Dig in, Cas. You don’t have to worry ‘bout manners here.” He looked over to Dean and gave him a teasing glare. “We gave up on that years ago.”

Dean laughed and grabbed himself and Cas a plate before starting to load his up with bacon, eggs, French toast and pancakes. Castiel was pleasantly surprised at how much food they served for breakfast at the Winchesters. At his house, he’d usually just settle for a piece of toast.

“Thank you, Mr. Winchester,” Castiel said with a semi-smile as he took a plate from Dean and started to get his own food.

-0-

Breakfast went by quickly yet pleasantly. Dean had to go to work almost immediately after he finished eating, but he’d informed Cas that, if he liked, he could go with him. Even though Castiel knew next to nothing about the workings of cars, he agreed to follow along. Dean had mentioned something about Cas maybe getting a job here one day, but Cas couldn’t be sure if he were joking or not, so he just shrugged his shoulders and kissed Dean’s cheek softly.

Cas enjoyed watching him work on the cars, actually. Dean seemed to really know what he was doing, leaning over the car’s engines and working on them, and talking to customers about their cars. Cas would’ve stayed there and watch him all day, if he could, but he knew that sometime he’d have to go back home. He’d decided that’d probably be best to get home that night around five, the time of his normal curfew.

It was around lunch time when Cas really got to talk to Dean again, that is, without being interrupted by engines, customers or Dean yelling _“son of a bitch!”_ when he couldn’t get the car to start.

Bobby—who Cas learned was like a second father to Dean and Sam—and John were eating inside at the small table in the garage’s office, while Dean and Cas had decided to go outside and eat so they could be alone. Cas was sitting up, his back leaning against the wall of the building, while Dean had his head laying in Cas’ lap, while simultaneously eating. Cas couldn’t help himself from laughing when Dean kept dropping his sandwich on his face.

“Maybe you should sit up and finish your lunch,” Cas suggested halfheartedly as he played with Dean’s short hair.

“Mmm…no,” Dean muttered, successfully eating the last bite of his tuna sandwich. “I’m comfy.”

Castiel laughed and leaned down, pressing his lips against Dean’s forehead. “I am too.”

“Good,” Dean said with a smile, reaching over to take Castiel’s hand and lace their fingers together. He was silent for a moment, just laying on the grass and staring up at Cas. Normally, someone staring at him would make him feel uncomfortable, but with Dean… it was sort of endearing. “Hey, Cas?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course you can, Dean.”

Dean gave Cas’ fingers a little squeeze and tilted his head to the side a little bit, as if he were studying him like he were the most important thing in the world. “What happened? Last night… When you and your family had that fight. What happened, exactly?”

Castiel looked down into his lap and went silent. He didn’t want to talk about his family now, not to Dean, not to anyone. They made him angry and depressed, and for once he didn’t have those emotions, and he didn’t want them back. So he didn’t answer Dean; he just sat and went completely silent, as he often did when he was upset.

Dean sighed softly and sat up next to Castiel, pulling him into a hug. “C’mere,” he whispered, pulling Cas so close that he was practically on his lap. Cas sighed and cuddled into Dean’s side, placing his head on Dean’s shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me, angel,” Dean said softly, with so much sweetness and caring in his voice. It surprised Cas how gentle and compassionate Dean could be sometimes. “I just… I don’t know, man. I thought that you talking about it might make it better somehow. It’s dumb, I know. But it always seems to work in all those fucking cheesy movies.”

“Life is not a movie, Dean,” Castiel whispered, scooting closer so that he was actually sitting on Dean’s lap. “And even if it were, I’m sure I wouldn’t have a happy ending.”

Dean pressed his forehead against Castiel’s and wrapped his arms around his back. “Why do you say that?” he asked gently.

“Because my life… everything that’s happened to me… It seems that everything goes wrong or bad. My family, my everything, it seems to be all tainted and disturbed. How would I have a happy ending?” he asked, pressing a kiss to Dean’s cheek gently.

Dean sighed and leaned into Cas’ touch a little. “Have you ever even seen a movie?” he asked with a small laugh, massaging his fingers into Cas’ back.

“I-uh… No. Not really,” Castiel answered reluctantly.

“Then you wouldn’t know that usually the people with the shittiest lives end up with the best ending,” Dean said with a gentle smile, tilting Cas’ chin to the side so he could press a kiss to his lips. “And yours is going to be fucking awesome, man.”

 Cas laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Dean’s lips again. “As long as you’re in my life, I’m sure I’ll have a happy ending,” he whispered with a smile, though he wasn’t sure if he believed it. He knew that he’d be happy with Dean, if he could end up being with him forever. But his family, his life, he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to get away from it long enough to be happy with someone as amazing as Dean Winchester.

“Hush,” Dean muttered, rubbing his hand against Cas’ back gently. Cas leaned in and pressed his lips against Dean’s gently, wanting nothing more than to just sink into his lips, and him, for the rest of his life. Wanting Dean was like a constant feeling for him. Dean was all he wanted, forever. He’d never felt this way about someone before, and he never wanted it to go away.

They kissed each other for the next few minutes, slowly and gently, until John came out to tell Dean that it was time for him to get back to work. Cas’ face blushed red and he toppled off of Dean’s lap, causing both Dean and John to laugh. “That’s not the worst thing I’ve walked in on him doing before, kid,” John informed Cas before walking away.

Dean stood up and offered his hand to Cas so he could pull him up. “You’re really cute when you get embarrassed.”

Cas’ blush increased and he buried his face into Dean’s neck. “You always say that I’m cute,” he muttered.

“Because you are,” Dean said, pulling Cas away from him so he could press a kiss to his lips gently.

Cas rolled his eyes and kissed Dean back gently before letting him go so that his boyfriend could get back to work. “You’ll take me home tonight, right?” he asked as they walked back inside the small garage.

“Yeah, if you want me to,” Dean answered as he started to work on the engine of the 1987 Chevy Caprice he’d previously been working on.

“I don’t,” Castiel muttered, sitting back down on top of the table where he’d been sitting previously before they took their lunch break. “But I can’t stay away from them forever. Eventually, they will find me and… and if I don’t go home today, I’m sure the consequences will be even worse.”

Dean sighed and reached to the side and picked up a wrench before going back to work. “One day I’m going to take you away from them. That way you won’t ever have to worry about them pushing you around ever again.”

Cas smiled a little and continued to watch Dean work. He loved watching Dean like this, not only because he looked overwhelmingly hot, because he did, but because he looked like he knew what he was doing. Though Cas knew that no matter what he wouldn’t be able to convince him of this, but Dean was actually very smart. He knew what he was doing, and especially now. He knew more about cars and their workings than anyone Cas could think of.

“Promise?” Castiel asked, tilting his head to the side a little bit as Dean continued to work.

“I promise, baby,” Dean said, turning to smile at Cas. They were both quiet for a moment, just staring into each other’s eyes with smiles on their faces before Dean went back to work on the car. “Now get over here,” he said with a smile, motioning for Cas to come over to the car.

“Why?” Cas asked as he got up and walked over to his boyfriend.

“You’re going to help me with this car.”

Cas blinked a few times and stared at the car and it’s engine. He was befuddled, to say the least. “Dean, I know nothing about cars. I can’t even drive one.”

Dean rolled his eyes and tugged Cas closer. “Then I’ll teach you, both how to drive and how to fix one. Now, hand me that ratchet.”

“The what?”


	9. Chapter 9

 

            Dropping Cas off at his house was always unsettling for Dean; he wasn’t sure if he could trust that his boyfriend would be safe. He wanted to believe he’d be okay, but he didn’t know if he could. Not under Cas’ living conditions, at least. He honestly just wanted to pull him close and take him away like he’d promised… But he couldn’t. Not yet. He’d told Cas that he’d make sure he’d stay safe, and he intended on keeping that promise if it were the last thing he did.

Cas sighed as he looked to his house before looking over to Dean. The older boy gave him a small, yet comforting, smile before reaching over to gently put his hand on Cas’ knee. “You’ll be fine, okay?” he said, though he wasn’t sure he believed it. “If you need anything, just call me. I’ll pick you up at the same time tomorrow, and after we take Sammy to school, we can go down to the lake. Capiche?”

“I-I… I capiche,” he responded, and Dean chuckled softly. _God,_ he loved Castiel so much. It was like nothing he could even begin to understand. Castiel was… he was like this beacon of light somehow. Even though there was so much difficulty in his life, he was so bright. At least, that what it seemed like to Dean. He always made Dean happy, no matter what the case was.

Castiel looked over to Dean, with that looked that meant he wanted to kiss Dean. They both knew it, but neither of them went for it. They couldn’t, not with Castiel’s family inside the house, possibly watching them talk as they spoke. “I love you,” Castiel said gently, pulling his eyes away from Dean’s lips long enough to look into his eyes.

Dean sighed softly, and just barely managed to keep himself from jumping onto Cas and kissing him hard and passionately right then. Every time Castiel told him that he loved him, he felt the need to kiss him. “I love you too, angel.”

Castiel got out of the car and walked inside without another word towards Dean. He watched his boyfriend walk to the door and open it, walking inside and shutting the door. Though before the door was shut he turned around and smiled at him, giving Dean a sense of security that everything would be okay.

Even though it wouldn’t be.

-0-

Castiel shut the door behind himself and leaned against it with a heavy heart. He knew it was only a matter of minutes before his family, save maybe Gabriel, would be bombarding him with questions. He didn’t care, though. Honestly, he just wanted to go upstairs, shower, and go to bed until he could wake up and go see Dean again.

No one seemed to have noticed his arrival, so slowly and as quietly as possible, he walked upstairs, managing not to step on any squeaky stairs. He got upstairs, took off his overcoat and set it on his bed before locking the door. He sighed softly and leaned down to pull out the small box under the floorboard. It was times like this when he really just needed to look over his personal items, just to know they exist.

He pulled the floorboard away, only to see that the box wasn’t there. He panicked. Literally, stomach twisting and contorting into a millions directions, feeling like he might pass out, panicking. He tore his room apart, looking every other place he may have left it. He wasn’t just panicking anymore. He was _scared._ He’d added things to the box since he’d last put Dean’s number in there. There were pictures of him and Dean, kissing, holding hands, normal couple-like things; there were notes Dean wrote would pass to him in the middle of class—Dean had decided to move up to the front of the class in history to sit next to him—that definitely crossed the line of platonic friendship. How many times had Dean, or Cas, written that he’d loved the other on the notes? How many times had Dean drawn little, suggestive pictures on the notes just to make Cas blush in the “cute” way that he’d so often described it?

He didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about anyone, especially Michael or Zachariah getting their hands on it—

“Lookin’ for this?”

_Gabriel._

Castiel whipped around, facing his brother. He felt as if he were about to cry and at this point he didn’t care if Gabriel saw him cry; he wanted the damn box back. “Give it back,” he growled, trying to grab it from his brother but Gabriel jerked it away.

“C’mon, little brother, there’s some pretty nice things in here. College pamphlets, mom’s jewelry, money… and what are these?” he was holding the notes and pictures of Dean and Castiel with a sly grin on his face.

“Give them to me, Gabriel!” Cas nearly shrieked, making another attempt to grab them from his older brother’s clutches. “You can have the money and mother’s jewelry, j-just give me the notes and pictures before Uncle or Michael sees them.”

“Damn, you’ve really changed a lot lately, Cassie,” Gabriel said with a small laugh.

Castiel hated the nickname. “Don’t call me that,” he snarled, making yet another attempt to get the notes and pictures. He was, luckily, successful this time. “And don’t tell them… Please, Gabe? They can’t know… They’d…”

“They’d send you to one of those camps where they make guys like you go through all that horrible crap to get ‘fixed’,” Gabriel said, crossing his arms across his chest. “Look, man, you might get on my nerves and all, but hell, you’re my baby brother so I guess that’s your right, but I don’t want to see you go away to one of those horrible places. Uncle was talking about one the other day and…” Gabriel shook his head as if he was disgusted, “The crap they do to those guys is sick. Like, _really_ sick.”

Castiel felt his stomach turn. “I know. That’s why no one can ever know,” he said softly. “He can’t know about college either,” Cas said softly. “I-I don’t even know if I’m getting into one.”

“Actually…” Gabriel said with another sly smile. “This came today,” he said, handing Castiel a letter from Yale. All Cas could do was stare at it and blink. He was afraid to open it.

He stared at the letter for a solid thirty seconds before speaking. “Yale,” he whispered, gulping a tiny bit. “Do you know what it says?” he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

Gabriel shook his head and continued to smirk at his little brother. “No, but you better be glad _I’m_ the one who intercepted the envelope, and that box come to mention it. Lord only knows what Michael or Zach would have done to you if they saw either.”

Cas sighed and set the box down on the bed carefully, laying the notes and pictures on top carefully. “Why were you even in my room in the first place?”

Gabriel shrugged as if it were no big deal whatsoever. “I got bored; now open the letter.”

“I’m opening it with Dean,” Cas said, taking the letter from his brother and holding it tight to his chest. He was both horrified and excited at the same time. He didn’t want to think about getting rejected, and he was afraid to think about what he’d do if he was accepted. On one hand, he was more thrilled than anything in the world to go to college, to get away from everyone… but on the other hand, he was scared as fuck to leave Dean, who was the only person in the world who had ever fully supported and loved him.

“You’re opening it now,” Gabriel said, putting his hands on his hips almost aggressively after giving Cas a small push in the direction of his bed. “I’m the one who got the damn letter… And that means you have to open it with me.”

Cas sighed and settled down on his bed, still staring at the dreaded letter. “You can be a dick sometimes, Gabriel,” he muttered.

Gabriel just laughed and sat next to Castiel, giving him a little push. “Jeez, little brother, that boyfriend of yours sure has expanded your vocabulary.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and started to open the letter… slowly. He was so scared that his stomach hurt. His whole entire life was just an acceptance or denial letter away. He pulled the folded paper out, unfolded it, and began to read.

“Dear Mr. Novak…” he started, reading slowly and quietly as his voice faded away.

Gabriel, still sitting next to him, was starting to get antsy. “Well?” he started, trying to read over Cas’ shoulder. “What’s it say?”

“I-I… I got accepted,” he whispered, still unable to believe it. “I got accepted to Yale. A full ride…”

Castiel was in complete shock. His heart was beating faster than he’d thought it possibly could, and all around, he just felt… accomplished, yet _scared._ He couldn’t believe it. He’d got accepted, with a full-ride no less, to _Yale._ A smile spread across his face and he fell back on his bed, his smile only getting bigger and bigger at the second.

“You did?” Gabriel said, standing up with a wide, _proud,_ smile on his face. “Give it to me,” he said, grabbing the letter and reading it over himself. Cas just laid on the bed and silently celebrate to himself. “You did!” Gabriel nearly yelled, his smile still on his face, just as wide as before. Castiel couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever seen Gabriel doing something sort of brotherly to him.

“I can’t believe it,” Castiel whispered, his smile fading a little as he laid on his bed. The initial shock and excitement was wearing off and he was starting to think about the technicalities of it all. In particular, _Dean._

“What are you going to tell Dean?” Gabriel asked, sitting back onto the bed and handing Cas the letter.

Cas shrugged and put the letter of acceptance in his trench coat’s pocket. “I don’t know. The truth, I assume.”

“Yeah, that’d be smart,” Gabriel said with what Castiel thought was a hint of sarcasm, but he ignored it. Why shouldn’t he tell Dean? He’d be just ask excited as he was. Maybe Dean would even go with him?

That was it. Dean could go with him to Yale. Of course, he wouldn’t actually _go_ to Yale, but Castiel was sure there had to be auto mechanic shops in New Haven. Dean could even go to a community college, if he wanted. Either way, he could go with him. Then they wouldn’t have to break up, or leave each other. Ever.

That was what the hopeful side of Cas’ brain said. Then there was the logical part, telling him about the fact that there was no way in hell Dean—a small town boy—would even consider up and moving sixteen hours away. Dean was so insistent on staying here, with his family, and Cas understood that. At least, in a way he did. Didn’t there come to a point where someone had to leave the proverbial nest?

Cas sighed and ran his hand through his messy hair, closing his eyes and shaking his head a little bit. He didn’t want to think about the bad things about this. He only wanted to think about the good—which was that he was getting out.

He was going to Yale.

-0-

“Why the hell is there a picnic basket back there?” Sam asked as Dean drove in the direction of Castiel’s house. Dean looked to the back at the “picnic basket” which in reality was just a lunch box and blanket.

“It’s not a picnic basket, moron,” Dean said as he drove, glaring at Sam a little before turning his eyes back the road. “It’s a lunch box. For lunch.”

“Why do you need a blanket then?” Sam asked.

Dean rolled his eyes and turned the radio up. “Because fuck you, that’s why,” he muttered, all in good humor, but honestly, he didn’t want to talk about his skipping school to spend the day with his boyfriend with his brother. Something about it felt… weird. He didn’t talk about his girlfriends with Sammy, why would he talk about his boyfriend with him?

Even still, he wasn’t a big fan of having Hallmark moments with people. Though, when it came to Cas, it was different. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he never realized just how much of a chick flick moment he’d had with Cas until it was done and over with. But by then, he really couldn’t find a place to care.

To say that Dean had fallen hard in love with Cas was then understatement of the freaking century.

Once they pulled up to Cas’ house, Dean forced Sammy into the back seat (he was used to it now) and honked his horn once, just as he usually did. It didn’t take long for Cas to walk outside of his house and down to the Impala. He opened the door and got in, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Dean’s cheek happily. Which was odd. Cas never seemed this happy… Especially not in the morning, after leaving his family and all.

“Something’s got you in a good mood,” Dean said with a smile, turning the radio down and pulling out of the driveway. Once he was successfully and safely out onto the road, he reached over to take Cas’ hand.

“I suppose I woke up on the right side of the bed,” Castiel said with a smile, giving Dean’s hand a small squeeze.

“Weren’t Zachariah and Michael mad at you when they came home?” Dean asked, raising his brow a tiny bit.

“Extremely, but apparently all it took to get them to forgive me was repentance. So… I did,” Castiel said, shrugging a little bit.

“So… you lied,” Dean said, knowing the look on Cas’ face as if it were his own. He swore, he knew the guy better than he knew himself half the time.

“No. I just avoided the truth to get them to believe something that wasn’t at all true.”

Dean smiled widely and started to laugh. They stopped at a stop light a few seconds afterwards, and Dean leaned over to press a kiss to Cas’ cheek. “That’s my boy.”

The rest of the car ride was spent in small, idle, chit-chat. Castiel talked to Sam about a book that he’d think the younger Winchester would enjoy, Sam and Dean argued about what they were having for dinner that night, and Dean and Castiel talked about their last date, mainly to make Sam uncomfortable. Again, it was all in good humor. Dean was glad that Sam and Cas got along so well… it certainly made his life a whole hell of a lot easier.

Dean dropped Sam off at school, and before Sammy could ask any questions, he drove off into the direction of the lake. Castiel smiled over at Dean often, more often than normally. Dean wasn’t sure if something was up or Cas was just in an uncharacteristically good mood, but either way, he was glad to see him happy.

They arrived at the lake not long after leaving school. Dean got out of the car and grabbed the lunch box, while Cas insisted on carrying the blanket to their destination. Dean had been dating him long enough not to know not to fight him on these things. So he walked around the car to where Castiel was standing and took his hand, walking with him a little ways back behind the lake.

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked, after about a minute or so of walking.

Dean smiled and pulled him along so that they could walk a little faster. “You’ll see!”

-0-

Dean could see Castiel staring at the old, run-down building with wide, confused eyes. He blinked a few times and cocked his head to the side as if he were trying to figure something out. “This is where you wanted to take me?” he asked.

“Mhm,” Dean said, giving his boyfriend’s hand another tug as they walked into the building. “C’mon, it’s not as bad as it looks. It’s pretty run down, but it’s fucking _huge…_ though I wouldn’t go upstairs. They might crash down on you. They need some work.”

“I believe the whole place could use some work, Dean,” Castiel pointed out, as he looked around at the dusty room they’d walked into. There was nothing except for a fireplace in the room, though it looked as if it hadn’t been used for years. “Why are we here?”

Dean laid the blanket out for them and put the lunch box on top of it. “We’re eating here… Well, when we get hungry at least.”

“Why can’t we eat outside?” Cas asked, looking out the window with a confused look in his eyes. “It seems… cleaner, surprisingly.”

“It’s supposed to rain later,” Dean said, walking back over to Cas and wrapping his arms around his waist. “But until then, we can go out there if you want.”

“I want,” Castiel answered, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to Dean’s lips before taking his boyfriend’s hand and pulling him outside.

Cas had been right, it was a lot cleaner outside. But there was something about that old house that Dean liked. Maybe it had to do with the fact that it was at _their_ lake, and if it could be fixed up a little—or a lot—it’d be an extremely nice house. Ever since Cas had mentioned his dream house, Dean couldn’t help but want to build it for him. He was sure he could do it, even though he’d probably need a lot of help. He’d built a tree house once, when he was about fourteen, but he was sure that building a house was a lot different. But he didn’t care. He’d take classes, he’d hire help… it didn’t matter; he’d do whatever it took to get Castiel that house.

“What should we do now?” Cas asked once they were out at the lake.

Dean smiled and pulled his shirt over his head, along with his pants before walking towards the lake. “Swim?” he said, starting to jump in before Cas caught him.

“I can’t swim, Dean,” Cas informed him.

Dean sighed and turned around, pulling Cas’ trench coat off and starting to unbutton his dress shirt. “Well, then I guess you’ll just have to learn.” Dean smiled and continued to unbutton his boyfriend’s shirt, helping him shrug it off after it was completely undone. “C’mon, it’ll be fun,” Dean said, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss as he started to unbutton Cas’ pants.

Cas sighed and wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck, letting his boyfriend unzip his pants, so he we was left in nothing but his boxers, just as Dean was. “I trust you,” he muttered as Dean moved out of his embrace.

“Awesome,” Dean said, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Castiel’s cheek before running towards the edge of the dock and diving in. The water was cool against his nearly bare skin at first, but it didn’t take him that long to get used to it. It was refreshing, considering how abnormally hot it’d been lately. When he emerged from the water, he took a deep breath and smiled up to Cas. “Come on, the water’s great!”

“I told you I can’t swim,” Cas said, taking a few steps back from the edge of the dock. “Maybe I should just walk into the shallower end?”

“Hey? You said you trust me, right?” Dean asked, opening his arms as to motion for Cas to jump in with him. “Just jump in and then I’ll hold onto you.”

Castiel bit his lip before inching his way up to the edge of the dock; Dean could tell he was nervous, but he was sure he’d enjoy it once he got in. Everyone’s scared of swimming at first, right? Most people end up enjoying after the initial shock of the water. “I trust you…” Cas mumbled, more to himself than to Dean. He took a deep breath and jumped in, holding tight to his nose as he jumped. The whole sight made Dean laugh, and his heart swell.

As Cas plummeted under the cool water, Dean swam over to him and carefully grabbed hold of him, helping him get to the surface yet again. Cas came up from under the water and grabbed hold of Dean’s shoulders, gripping to him so tight Dean though he might leave bruises.

Not that he cared. He actually kind of liked it, in a weird kind of masochistic way.

“I-It’s cold,” Cas remarked, his teeth chattering slightly.

Dean held him closer and smiled a little, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead gently. “Don’t worry, it’ll warm up,” Dean comforted him. Cas nodded, though Dean didn’t think he believed him completely. Dean adjusted his arms around Cas’ waist to keep him a float, and smiled at him again. Something about Cas made it impossible for him to do anything but smile in his presence. “Everything’ll be fine,” Dean reassured him, leaning in and pecking his lips. “It’s kind of like riding a bike. But wetter.”

Cas stared at Dean blankly and cocked his head to the side a little. “I don’t know how to ride a bike, Dean.”

 _Really?_ Dean thought, staring at his boyfriend in disbelief, _who the hell doesn’t know how to ride a bike?_

Dean just shrugged his shoulders and tugged Cas closer to his body. “You’ll be fine, I swear.”

“I trust you, Cas repeated, laying his head down on Dean’s shoulder. The angle looked uncomfortable, but it didn’t seem to bother Cas. “Just don’t let me go.”

Dean ran his fingers up and down Cas’ bare back, letting his fingers explore the soft skin as he went. “I won’t ever let you go. I promise.”

-0-

Dean found that Castiel wasn’t actually that bad of a swimmer, being it his first time and all. Actually, he was pretty good once he got used to the water and into a depth that he could sort of touch the ground if he had to. Though, they didn’t really swim that much. They spent a majority of their time splashing each other, laughing, and making out in each other’s arms.

And then, just as Dean had predicted, it started to rain. Not just rain, though. It was more on the side of torrential downpour than a normal rain shower. It was one of those rainstorms that starts in a moment, pouring down faster and faster as the moments go by.

“We’re getting wet!” Castiel yelled over the pounding sound of the rain, burying his nose in the crook of Dean’s neck, as if that would shield him from the rain.

“We’re swimming, Cas! Of course we’re getting wet!” Dean laughed and puled Cas’ body closer to him with a smile. He looked so gorgeous like this; his messy, dark brown, hair covering his face in a way too attractive manner than it should’ve been. His bright blue eyes seemed to be even brighter than normal, causing Dean to want to lean forward and attach his lips to Cas’. Castiel didn’t seem too keen on the idea, though. He seemed as if he wanted out of the lake, and fast.

“Let’s go inside,” Cas said, making his way out of Dean’s embrace and wading his way to the dock before hoisting his way up onto it. Dean sighed happily in Cas’ direction and began to follow him, stopping to pick up his soaked clothing on the way Castiel was already running off into the direction of the run-down house.

Once the boys got inside, they put their clothes out in attempt to let them dry, and sat down on the blanket. “That was fun,” Dean said, still slightly out of breath from running inside.  Cas settled down next to him, cuddling close to Dean’s body. He looked cold, if his shivering had anything to do with it.

“Yeah, it was,” Castiel said, nodding a little bit. “You didn’t bring any spare clothes, by any chance?”

Dean shook his head and wrapped his arms around Cas in attempt to share any body heat he had with him. “No, sorry, babe…” he looked over at the fireplace and smiled a little bit. “I could try to get that thing to work?”

“You’d set the whole place on fire,” Castiel predicted, semi-playfully.

Dean frowned and stood up. “I will not. Hold on,” he said, walking around to see if there was any dry wood he could put into the fire.

“Dean…” Castiel whined, craning his head to see where his boyfriend was walking off to. He probably didn’t want to stay in the room alone, Dean assumed, but he was bound and determined to make a fire. Partially because of his pride, mainly because he didn’t want Castiel to be cold… or himself. It had gotten chilly ever since it started to rain.

It didn’t take him that long to find some dry wood in what looked like it used to be a kitchen, and some old pieces of paper to use as kindling. He walked back into the living room, where Cas was sitting on the blanket, still a shivering mess, and started to throw the wood and paper into the fireplace. “Can you get the lighter out of my jeans?” he asked as he opened the old damper.

Cas sighed and got up, walking over to Dean’s pants, which were lying next to his own. He dug out the lighter and brought it over to Dean, handing it to him in a huff. “This won’t work,” he remarked once again.

Dean shrugged and took it from him, opening it and flicking it a few times to get the flame to work. Finally, he took a piece of paper and set fire to it before throwing it into the fireplace. The fire started to blaze bright, causing Dean to smile and turn to Cas. “I’m not going to tell you I told you so.”

Cas rolled his eyes and walked back over to the blanket, sitting down and motioning for Dean to sit with him. Dean did so, walking over to the blanket and sitting down close to Castiel. “Thank you for suggesting this. Us skipping school today and everything… but aren’t you afraid it’ll be bad for getting into college, or whatever?”

Castiel looked away from Dean and cleared his throat. “Uh, no. I don’t believe it should be a problem.” Before Dean had a chance to ask him anything else, Castiel reached over for the lunch box and pulled it closer to them. “We should eat now.”

Dean started to protest, but then he remembered he didn’t eat breakfast and that he was usually always hungry anyways. “Sure,” he said as Castiel opened the lunch box and handed him his sandwich as he took his own.

They ate in mostly silence, though it was comfortable. Somewhere throughout their lunch, Cas moved so that he was leaning into Dean’s side. Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend before continuing to eat.

It was so comfortable between them. Dean didn’t want to have to think of a time when he wasn’t with Cas. He didn’t want him to go away, ever. He’d never felt anything like this before… He’d never once looked at a person and thought about how he wanted to spend every single day of the rest of his life with them.

-0-

Neither knew exactly when, or how, it happened, but somewhere in the course of eating and finishing lunch Dean had ended up straddling Cas’ legs, attached to his lips as if he could never let go. Cas had threaded his fingers through Dean’s short hair with one hand, his other scraping its way down Dean’s back. It wasn’t really a surprise that they ended up like this to either of them, though. This was, essentially, even if they hadn’t said it out loud, why they were here.

Cas laid backwards, pulling Dean down with him as they continued to kiss, unable to bring their lips away from one another. Everything was so slow and passionate that it was almost overwhelming. They hadn’t even been making out that long, and they were both out of breath. Dean wasn’t sure how much longer he could last without ripping Cas’ boxers off and fucking him into oblivion. He’d wanted to for so long, but the time never seemed like it was right.

But it did then. The way Cas’ hands were roaming his body, the way he was grinding his hips up into Dean’s, everything about the situation seemed right.

“Should we…?” Dean started, pulling away from Cas’ lips so that he could look him in the eyes. He was so nervous. _So_ nervous, and he couldn’t figure out why. Things like this, sex, it never made him nervous. But with Cas… he’d never felt so nervous in his life.

“Yeah,” Cas finished, as if he knew what Dean was going to say, before he even said it. But then again, he usually did. He _always_ knew, it seemed.

Dean nodded and pulled away from him, sitting back and pulling off his boxers as Cas did the same. It wasn’t their first sexual encounter with each other, of course, but something about it felt new, completely new. Dean looked over to Cas, who was placing his underwear to the side, and felt his heart jump up into his throat. He couldn’t even begin to understand how much he loved Castiel, it was unexplainable and so, _so_ new that he didn’t even know of the words to begin and try and explain how he felt.

Cas was blushing softly at Dean, who was undoubtedly staring at him as if he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen… But in retrospect, he was. “Dean…” Cas started, his voice barely a whisper. He sounded even more nervous than Dean, but that was understandable. “You’re staring at me.”

Dean chuckled softly under his breath and moved back over to Cas, who was still laying down, but was propped up on his elbows. “Yeah, sorry, it’s just… you’re fucking gorgeous, you know that?” Cas blushed and pulled Dean closer to him, making him topple down on top of him.

“Stop talking and kiss me,” Cas muttered, pulling Dean close so that he was kissing him again. Everything was still so slow and passionate, but there was more need added to the mix.

Dean pulled his lips away from Cas’ momentarily, just to attach them to his boyfriend’s neck. The sounds that were eliciting from Cas made Dean want to take him right then and there; with every moan he made, he wanted nothing more than to fuck him so hard that he wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week.

But he wasn’t going to do that. This was Cas’— _their_ —first time. It was a completely foreign feeling, much like everything he felt with Cas, but he wanted it to mean something. He wasn’t about to let their first time—his first time with someone he loved—just be a simple fuck. Cas meant so much more to him than that.

Dean rolled his hips against Cas’ once as he continued to suck at the place on his neck that he’d learned made Cas moan like crazy, causing him to do just that. “D-Dean…” Cas whispered, clutching his sides tightly. His breathing was almost erratic, which Dean thought was normal at first, but soon it started to worry him.

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, pulling his lips away from the younger boy’s neck to look him in the eye. His eyes were wide with a mix of what appeared to be lust and panic.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Cas said, nodding quickly and leaning up to kiss Dean again.

Dean didn’t buy it; he pulled his lips away from Cas’ and moved his hand up to pet Cas’ still damp hair. “Are you sure?” he asked, letting his fingers entwine with his hair gently. “You seem… I don’t know.”

“I’m nervous,” Cas admitted, talking faster and in a high octave than he normally did. He was still breathing heavily, almost as if he were about to start hyperventilating. “I shouldn’t be nervous; why am I nervous?” he asked, but didn’t give Dean any time to answer. “Dean, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this… but-but I’m nervous. I’m so nervous.”

“Shh, calm down,” Dean said with a small laugh, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Cas’ lips softly. “You don’t have to be so nervous. I mean, everyone’s nervous their first time, right?” He pulled away and moved his hand that was still running through Castiel’s hair to his face, cupping his cheek gently. “Everything’ll be okay. I’ve got you.”

“O-okay,” Cas stuttered, nodding a little bit. His breathing started to go back to something in the realm of normal, and Dean took that as his cue to press his lips back to Cas’. He kissed him softly, as if kissing him any harder would hurt him.

Cas moved his hands again, one to Dean’s side and another to his shoulder, holding him tighter than he had in the lake. Dean loved it, all of it, feeling so close to Castiel like this. Every single touch and kiss were like sparks of electricity to him, and he couldn’t get enough of any of it.

“I brought… ya know, just in case we…” Dean started, pulling away to look into Cas’ bright blue eyes. Once he looked into them he forgot everything he was going to say; they were so fucking _blue,_ and the way Cas was spread out underneath him, waiting for him to do anything and everything to him, it made Dean want to go crazy.

“I was going to as well, but I couldn’t get out of the house,” Cas said, sitting up enough so that there was barely any space in between them. “Where are they?”

Dean shook his head a little, as if he were shaking himself out of his daze and stood up. “In my pants… hold on,” he said, walking quickly over to get them. Every step he took made his stomach twist a little. He couldn’t believe that it was actually happening. Any of it…

If someone had come to him at the beginning of his senior year and told him that towards the end of the year, he’d fall in love, he’d probably laugh in their face… Much less if someone had told him he’d fall in love with another guy. If someone had told him that he’d end up loving this guy more than anything in the world and end up having sex with him, he would have told them to check themselves into an asylum. He wouldn’t have believed them.

But now, as he turned around and looked at Cas, propped up on his elbows again, waiting for Dean to come back to him, he felt his heart explode into a thousand pieces. He could barely fathom how much he loved Castiel. It was unbelievable, and so _fucking_ amazing.

“You’re staring at me again, Dean,” Castiel noted. Dean laughed and walked over to Castiel quickly, plopping himself down again so that he was in between his boyfriend’s legs again.

“I told you, it’s because you’re so beautiful,” Dean said with a smile, placing the lube and condom next to Cas’ hip. “I can’t help it,” he muttered, pressing his lips against Cas’ again. Their lips slid together slowly, their tongues meeting each other again, just as passionately and need-driven as before.

Cas laid backwards and pulled Dean with him, gripping onto his shoulders once again. “You’ll walk me through this, right?” Cas asked quietly, his breath starting to get a little bit faster again. “Because I have no idea what to do, Dean…”

Dean smiled softly and leaned in, kissing his neck softly as he did before. “I’ve got you, baby,” he whispered, nipping slightly at his neck.

“Okay,” Cas whispered, nodding his head faster than really necessary. Dean continued to kiss at his neck and down his chest, watching as Cas’ chest rose and fell with every deep breath he took. “Dean?”

He looked up at Cas from where he was settled, kissing around his navel area. “Yeah?”

“What are you thinking?” he asked, his voice getting higher as it did before. “About this… us. What are you thinking?”

Dean moved up Cas body so that he could look him directly in the eye. He didn’t really know how to respond; he’d never been asked anything like that during—or before, rather—sex. He really didn’t know how to articulate what he was thinking, either. “Well,” he started, clearing his throat a little. “I’m… I’m thinking that I love you… and that I want you. I’m thinking about how I never want to lose you, how I want to be with you forever; I could go on, forever, really.”

Cas’ face flushed red, and he brought his hand up to cover his own face. He seemed as if he were about to break out into hysterics. “I want that too,” he whispered, his voice catching a little towards the end. “I’m ruining this. I’m sorry, Dean. Just… continue, please.”

Dean sighed softly and leaned in, pressing his lips against Cas’ once again. “You aren’t ruining a damn thing, angel,” Dean said, moving his hand up to gently pet Cas’ hair again; the action seemed to calm him down a tiny bit. “You’re just nervous. It’s okay to be nervous.” He sat up and smiled softly at him. “You know, we don’t have to do this now…” he said, sighing a little. He wanted to so bad, and he’d wanted to for so long, but he didn’t want to push Cas into something he wasn’t ready to do. “Just tell me, and we can stop. We can go back to my place, get some clean clothes, and go see a movie. It’s up to you, Cas.”

Cas was silent for a moment, still breathing heavily, but it wasn’t as bad as before. Dean began to run his fingers up and down Cas’ chest and stomach gently, hoping the motion would comfort him somehow. “I love you,” Cas said softly, his breath evening out after a minute or so of thought. “I want this, Dean.”

Dean smiled and settled back in between Cas’ legs. “Me too.” Cas smiled back at him and leaned in to capture his lips again. Dean sat up a little, pulling Cas’ legs around him so that he could wrap them around his waist. “Tell me if I’m hurting you, okay?” All Castiel did was nod and tilt his head back. Dean smiled softly and grabbed the lube that still sat next to Cas’ hip and unscrewed the cap.

He himself wasn’t one-hundred percent sure what he was doing. Of course, he’d done some research on the internet, but it wasn’t the same as actually doing it. In a way, it was sort of his first time too. He poured some of the lube onto his fingers and attempted to warm it up as much as he could before moving to trace Cas’ entrance. Cas’ body jumped a little, but it was obvious it was just because of the still coolness of the liquid against his skin.

“I love you,” Dean whispered before pressing his finger into his boyfriend’s entrance. Cas moaned softly at the intrusion, but Dean kept still, waiting for Cas to indicate to him that he was ready for him to add another finger. He leaned down so that he could kiss him gently, starting to move inside of him a little. “I love you so much.”

Cas nodded quickly and moaned gently, his hips jerking upwards slightly. “Dean, please…”

“Please what, baby?” Dean asked, continuing to thrust his finger in and out of Castiel gently.

“I need you to… another,” Cas managed to get out, his hips stuttering upwards as if he were looking for some invisible kind of friction.

Dean nodded and pulled his finger out, adding another slowly. Cas moaned loud, making Dean’s hard cock even harder. He wanted him so bad… He wanted to know what it felt like to be inside of him, to feel his heat surrounding him completely. It was already odd how much simply fingering him was turning him on.

Once Cas seemed to adjust to the second finger, he started to move them, thrusting them into him as deep as they could go. He curled his fingers to the side experimentally, just to see if Cas’ reaction would be as good as he’d anticipated it.

Cas let out a loud moan and his hips shot upwards, his breath deepening again. “D-Dean…” he groaned out, his eyes screwing shut. “I-I… _Dean._ ”

“You like that?” Dean asked with a smirk, leaning down to kiss at Cas’ neck again. “You want another, baby?”

Cas nodded quickly, his chest rising and falling quickly at the mere thought. “Please, Dean… Please.”

Dean nodded and added a third finger, twisting and turning them slowly. “Are you okay?” he asked, using his spare hand to gently caress Cas’ clavicle. “It doesn’t hurt?”

Cas opened his eyes to look up at Dean. “It does, almost, but in a way it feels good,” he answered. “It hurt at first, but it felt amazing almost immediately.”

Dean smiled and sighed in relief. “Good,” he said, twisting his fingers to the side to hit the nub of nerves he’d hit before. “How’s that?”

Cas was beneath him, writhing and moaning. His eyes screwed shut again and he gripped at Dean’s shoulders tightly. “That-that feels amazing,” he groaned, digging his short nails into Dean’s back. “Please, Dean… I don’t think I can last much longer like this.”

“Do you want me inside of you?” Dean asked bluntly, leaning down to whisper it into Cas’ ear. Cas moaned and nodded. Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’ neck gently, thrusting his fingers in and out of him a few times, just to be sure he was prepped enough, before pulling his fingers out.

Dean reached to the side and grabbed the condom, trying to open it the best he could seeing how slick his fingers still were. “Do you want me to open it?” Cas asked, pulling one of his hands off of Dean’s shoulders and reaching out for him to give it over

Dean nodded a little and handed it to him. “Thanks,” he said with a soft smile. He continued to stroke his fingers against Cas’ chest softly, smiling at him as he ripped open the package and took out the condom. Cas unrolled it and sat up a tiny bit, only enough so he could put the condom onto Dean.

Dean moaned at the feeling of Cas touching him. He leaned down so that his forehead was pressed against Cas’. “You have no idea how much I want this,” Dean muttered, gently rubbing his nose against Cas’. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this… How long I’ve wanted you.”

Cas smiled a little and grabbed the lube, squeezing some out and onto Dean’s cock. He stroked him over the condom a few times and kissed him gently. “If it’s as long as I’ve wanted you, then I may know.”

Dean chuckled softly and pushed Cas back down gently so that he was laying on his back. “Are you ready?” he asked, caressing his cheek gently. “You can still say—”

“I’m ready,” Cas cut Dean off, smiling up at him. “Please, I need you, Dean.”

Dean smiled down at Cas and leaned in, pressing another kiss to his lips before he started to align himself with Cas’ entrance. Slowly, he pushed the head of his dick into Cas, trying to go as slowly as possible. Though, once he felt Cas’ heat surrounding him, he knew that he wouldn’t last much longer. He had to move, if he didn’t, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to make this good for Cas.

“T-Tell me when I can move,” Dean muttered, dropping his body down so that he could kiss his boyfriend.

Cas nodded and took a deep breath, letting Dean kiss him as he tried to adjust to the new feeling. It didn’t take him that long to adjust, though. After a few moments he nodded, running his fingers up to the top of Dean’s back, almost touching his neck. “I’m ready,” he whispered in a half moan. “Please, Dean…”

Dean nodded and pressed into him until he bottomed-out. He still for a moment, stopping to kiss Castiel again before thrusting into him, slowly and gently as not to hurt him. He knew this was all new to Cas, _hell,_ it was new to him. He loved it though. _God,_ they’d barely begun and he didn’t think he’d ever had such good sex in his entire life.

Cas was moaning and writhing beneath him, grasping onto him as Dean continued to thrust into him. Cas moved his hips up to meet Dean’s thrusts, his head still laying against the blanket with his eyes screwed shut.

“Look at me,” Dean whispered, thrusting into him once again. “I want to see your eyes, baby.”

Cas moaned again, opening his eyes and peering up at Dean. He moved his hand to grip at the back of Dean’s neck, holding him tight as if he couldn’t let go to save his life. “Dean… touch me, please,” Cas whispered.

Dean nodded and moved to wrap his fingers around Cas’ cock, which was already leaking with pre-come. Cas moaned and jerked his hips up into Dean’s hand, still moving his hips up with every thrust. Dean began to jerk Cas off slowly, knowing that neither of them were going to last much longer. They’d both been so hard for so long, and they’d both wanted this for so long, he knew that there wasn’t a chance in hell that they’d last any longer.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Dean muttered as he started to thrust into Cas faster, trying to keep the same gentleness at the same time. “God, you feel so good, Cas.”

Cas couldn’t respond with anything coherent. The only noises he was making were moans and the occasional whispering of his boyfriend’s name. After a short while, the mixture of Dean’s thrusting and jerking Cas off became too much for Cas, and Dean could tell. It was becoming too much for even him. He’d been holding on for so long, waiting for Cas, but he couldn’t any longer. He felt the heat in his stomach start to coil up, and his hips start to stutter. It was definite that he wasn’t going to last any longer.

“Cas… Cas,” he whispered, thrusting into him again. “I’m close,” he muttered, kissing him again hungrily, all of the pervious softness and gentleness started to fade away.

“Me too,” Cas mumbled, holding onto Dean even tighter than he had before. “Dean…” he started to say something else, but before he could finish, his hips shot up as he let go and came.

The sight of Cas, writing and moaning through his orgasm, beneath Dean was enough to push him over the edge. With one last thrust, he was coming into Cas, moaning loudly as he buried his face into Cas’ neck.

After they both came down, Dean fell down onto Cas’ chest. He threaded his fingers through Cas’ hair and smiled at him softly. He was breathing heavily still, but not like before. It was different this time; he was tired, but the smile on his face spoke volumes to Dean. His heart started to swell again, but this time it was so much more.

“Hi,” Dean said softly, caressing Cas’ cheek once again.

Cas pulled his hand away from Dean’s neck, dropping it so it was resting at the small of his back. “Hello,” he whispered.

Dean pulled out of Cas slowly, knowing he’d be sore, and took the condom off. He tied it off and looked around to see if there would be a trash can, but he knew there wasn’t. He sighed and put it with the rest of the trash from their lunch. “How was it?” Dean asked as he settled down next to Cas, pulling him into his arms.

Cas smiled at him and buried his face into Dean’s neck. “Better than I’d ever imagined,” Cas admitted, almost immediately. “What about you?”

“Amazing,” Dean said with a soft smile, kissing his forehead gently. He sighed happily and rolled over so he was laying on his side with Cas pressed against his chest. “You have no idea how much I love you,” Dean whispered, pressing a kiss to Cas’ shoulder as he held him tight.

Cas cuddled into Dean and wrapped his arms around his waist. “If it’s as much as I love you, then I do.” Dean laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead, pulling him even closer to his body. “I love you, Dean,” Cas whispered, rubbing small circles into his back. “More than anything.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” Dean said with a small laugh. “I feel like I can tell you anything, Cas,” Dean said softly, pressing a kiss against Cas’ cheek gently. He was starting to feel sleepy and Cas looked like he did too, considering his eyes kept drooping shut. “You know, you can tell me anything, right?”

Cas hid his face in Dean’s chest and nodded. “Yeah… I know,” he responded softly. “I can tell you anything.”

Dean smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Cas’ head before closing his eyes. “Good,” he whispered as he started to slowly drift off to sleep.

Dean didn’t see the tears that started to form in Cas’ eyes. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to read the bible for this shit. Y'all should be fuckin' proud. I haven't done that since I was like... nine. Woah. Six years. Tara, your atheist is showing.

Castiel couldn’t sleep that night. Part of him was overjoyed at the day’s events; Dean made him feel so complete and _right_ that it almost physically hurt him. Then there was another part that felt guilty. Dean, who had said multiple times about how he’d hated heart-to-hearts and hallmark moments and all those sweet, sappy moments that were apparently in so many movies, had been so gentle, sweet and caring throughout the entire thing. He’d been so careful not to hurt him, neither physically or emotionally.

Then he told Cas that he felt as if he could tell him anything, and he had. Dean had literally told Castiel every single intimate detail about his life, and Cas couldn’t even muster up the courage to tell Dean that he was going to Yale in September.

Why couldn’t he just tell him?

Why couldn’t he just _man up_ and tell Dean that he was leaving in September?

It wasn’t like he was leaving forever, and if he was, _Dean could go with him._

But he wouldn’t, would he? Castiel was knew he wouldn’t. He knew that Dean was to devoted to his family and staying with his father for as long as he could. Dean had told him about this, how he knew that one day Sammy would get out of Kansas and go to a nice school. Castiel knew that Sam had his heart set on Stanford, and he knew the kid well enough to say for sure that he’d go there one day. The point was, Dean would _never_ leave John alone.

Castiel was almost completely positive that Dean would break up with him the second he realized that Cas was leaving. Why drag out something that will just end in the end?

But Castiel didn’t want to think about it. He wanted the last few months before he left for college to be amazing. Even if he had to leave his family and find a way to stay in Kansas for the remainder of his senior year, he _wasn’t_ leaving Dean any sooner than he had to.

He owed him that much.

-0-

“Castiel.” Normally, at the sound of his uncle’s voice he’d jump or cringe a little, just out of fear, but ever since his outbreak the other day, he wasn’t scared anymore. He was comforted by the fact that he didn’t have to listen to everything that he, or Michael, told him. He could stand up for himself.

“Yes, Uncle?” he responded. It was morning, just as Cas was getting ready to meet Dean to go to school. He didn’t know why his Uncle was even addressing him. After Morning Prayer—which Castiel usually spent thinking about what he’d do the rest of the day—his uncle would usually completely ignore him; and Castiel was _totally_ fine with that.

“Tell your friend that you don’t need a ride to school. I will take you.”

Castiel blinked at his uncle in confusion. Zachariah hadn’t offered him a ride in almost a month, why would he start now? “Dean’s almost here. He doesn’t mind taking me at all,” Cas responded, grabbing his school bag and throwing it over his shoulder without giving his uncle a second thought.

“I thought I told you to stop spending time with that boy?” Zachariah shot at him, his voice already angry, but then again, it didn’t take him that long to get angry. Especially at Castiel.

“I’m not going to stop spending time with him just because you don’t approve of him, Uncle. He’s—” _the one thing that gets me out of bed every morning, the most important thing in my life, the one I love more than anything else in this world,_ _my boyfriend, family_ “—my best friend. I cannot just cut him out of my life.”

“You _can_ if I tell you to!” Zachariah fired back. Castiel felt the urge to roll his eyes, but he knew that would probably get him into even more trouble. “You aren’t to spend any more time with him! If this persists, don’t think I won’t pull you out of school—”

“No!” Castiel screamed, feeling that rage that was almost always constantly settled into his stomach when he was in Zachariah, or Michael’s, presence. He didn’t know why he put up with these assholes anymore. He didn’t have to… He didn’t have to listen to every single thing they said; he didn’t have to live under their constant control. “I’m not being pulled out of school, and I’m _not_ going to stop spending time with Dean! You can’t tell me what to do for the rest of my life, Uncle.”

“I can make you do _whatever_ I say until you turn eighteen, boy, and even then, I’d like to see you try and leave!” Zachariah snarled, an evil smirk appearing on his face.

“I’m almost seventeen,” Castiel growled, turning from Zachariah and towards the door. Before he got there, he turned to face him. “And don’t think I won’t leave this ‘family’ one day… I don’t have to put up with this any longer.”

Before Zachariah could say anything else, Castiel opened the door and slammed it behind him. He’d almost expected there to be tears ready to fall from his eyes, but there wasn’t. He felt… content. It was like every time he stood up to his oppressive uncle, he grew a little.

Luckily, Dean was already pulling into the driveway. Cas smiled a little and walked—ran, almost—to the Impala and opened the door, getting into the car and leaning over to kiss Dean. Normally, he’d just press a gentle kiss to his cheek, and on occasion his lips, but today he didn’t. He pressed his lips against Dean’s in a way that they’d only kissed in private; _definitely,_ not with Dean’s little brother in the backseat. Dean didn’t seem to mind though, even if he was a bit startled at first.

“Wow, you’re in another good mood,” Dean said with a small chuckle. Cas felt his heart swell at the sight of those bright green eyes; he never wanted a day to go by when he couldn’t see those beautiful eyes, or the face that carried them. It was almost insane how much he loved Dean.

“I missed you, Dean,” Cas said with his own little chuckle. “I’m glad to see you again, that is all.”

“I missed you, too,” Dean responded, leaning back in to press a kiss to Cas’ lips again. They kissed for only a mere second, before Sam cleared his throat in the back.

“Do you two mind? We’re already running late, and I can’t be late to first period—”

Dean pulled away from Cas’ lips and looked back to his brother with a glare on his face. “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, starting to pull out of the driveway before taking Cas’ hand. “Wouldn’t want King Of The Nerds to be late for school, would we?”

“Jerk,” Sam muttered from the back.

Dean flashed his brother a playful grin from the front seat and laughed to himself. “Bitch.”

-0-

Castiel took his seat in the back next to Dean—they’d decided to move ever since their teacher had caught wind of their passing notes—and smiled over at him. He always ached to lean over and kiss him, or hold his hand, or anything like the other couples did at school. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t want to, because early on in their relationship he’d told Cas that he ‘honestly didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought’ about them. It was all on Castiel. He was still horrified of his family finding out. Especially about what Gabriel had said about them sending him off to one of those conversion therapy camps. He’d always known that was a possibility if they found out. He’d looked them up online once while at Dean’s house and… well, he spent the next hour crying into Dean’s chest, absolutely horrified with every single fiber of his being at what he’d read.

Ever since that day, not too long after they’d began dating, they’d decided to keep everything on the down low. The only people who knew about them were Dean’s friends—Jo, Ash and Charlie— Dean’s family—Sam and John—and Gabriel. They had all been fine with it—Gabriel had even admitted that he knew Cas was gay before he’d even told him—but Castiel was still scared of what his Uncle would do to him if he found out before Cas was of age. Until then, no one could know out of his and Dean’s circle of friends. No one.

“Hey, Cas?” Ash asked, nudging him in the shoulder. Castiel turned to look at him, starting to ask him what he wanted but Ash went on. “Did you do the homework?”

“Look who you’re asking,” Jo said with a small laugh, rolling her eyes at Ash. “Of course he did.”

Dean rolled his eyes at both of them and sat on the edge of Cas desk. “Just because you didn’t do the homework Ash, doesn’t mean you can mooch off of my boyfriend.”

“I didn’t do it,” Castiel admitted, looking up at Dean. “I was… preoccupied last night.”It wasn’t a complete lie. He had been preoccupied… with guilt. The fact that he still hadn’t told Dean about Yale was eating away at him.

“Jeez, Dean, how late did you keep him out?” Jo asked with an edge of snarkiness to her voice.

Dean turned to face her and stuck his tongue out at her. “Fuck you.”

Castiel listened to the two banter back and forth for a while, but after a few minutes he zoned out and began to just stare at Dean. Half the time he didn’t realize he did it until Dean, or someone else, usually Charlie, pointed it out; it was like when he often invaded Dean’s personal space without realizing it. Luckily for him, Dean never minded. Usually when he got too close to him, Dean would just smile and pull him closer, or when he caught him staring he’d lean in and kiss his lips gently.

Cas could honestly say that he thought he had the best boyfriend in the world… Not that he had anyone to compare to Dean with, but still.  

The teacher came in not long afterwards and began to yell at Dean for sitting on her desk. Innocently, Castiel reminded her that it was his desk and he didn’t mind that Dean sat on it. The class erupted in laughter, but Castiel didn’t understand why. People laughed at the things he said often, but he never understood why people thought he was so funny.

“Mr. Novak, these are _my_ desks and if I tell someone—” Castiel tuned out after that, nodding in her direction and watching as Dean hopped down and sat in his own desk. Dean gave him a flirtatious smile and grabbed a piece of paper from his notebook and started to scribble a note down on it. He passed the note over to Cas with that same flirtatious smile.

 _I love you_ the note read in Dean’s extremely messy handwriting with a small strange looking heart next to it.

Cas smiled at the note and grabbed his pen.

_I love you too. Now please, I’d appreciate it if I could concentrate._

He passed the note back to Dean without looking at him before taking out his history notebook and beginning to jot down notes on the lesson Mrs. Watson was teaching. Dean didn’t seem to want to leave it alone, however.

 _You’re no fun. I hate this class… You’re the only good thing about it. I’m bored, Cas,_ he wrote, adding a sad face next to the sentence.

Castiel rolled his eyes and huffed as he wrote, _Maybe you should pay attention then, Dean… Much like I am attempting to._

He passed the note back to his boyfriend in another hope that he’d leave things as they were. Just because Cas had gotten into college, didn’t mean he wanted his grades to start dropping. He wasn’t going to be one of those seniors that gave up once they got accepted into college.

_Will you at least skip study hall with me? Please? It’s not like you learn anything there. We can go out to the bleachers._

Castiel sighed and shot a glare—which was at least semi-playful—at Dean. _And what would we do?_

Dean smirked at the note once he got it and began to write again. _Whatever you like, babe._

Castiel bit his lip softly and crossed his legs under the desk, knowing that with Dean the statement _whatever you like_ went a very long way.

 _I promise to skip with you if you let me pay attention right now,_ he wrote back, sliding the paper to Dean without looking at him yet again. He knew that looking at him would just lead him to want to kiss him, which _definitely_ was not an option in the middle of history class.

-0-

“What if we get caught back here?” Castiel whispered as Dean kissed at his neck. Dean just laughed and continued to kiss his neck before making his way up to his lips, hungrily kissing him and pressing him against the wall of the bleachers. Cas moaned softly into Dean’s mouth, trying to keep his hips from grinding against Dean’s. “S-Seriously, Dean… What…?”

“Baby, calm down,” Dean said, dropping his hands from where they had pinned Cas’ hands up above his head and down to his boyfriend’s hips; Dean could never get over how cute Cas was when he got nervous like this. “No one comes out here during the day,” he pressed another kiss to Cas’ lips, “and if you’re so scared of getting caught then we can always stop…”

Castiel leaned back in and kissed Dean again, looping his arms around Dean’s neck. “I don’t want to stop,” Cas whispered against Dean’s lips. “But if we get caught, it’s your fault,” he added teasingly.

Dean laughed and leaned back in, pressing his lips against Cas’ yet again. “You take my breath away, you know that?” Dean whispered with a small laugh. “It’s fucking insane how you make me feel,” another kiss, before he dropped his lips against Cas’ neck again, “and how I can’t stop watching you… and how I’m always thinking about you… and how I always want to be with you.” Castiel moaned softly and moved his hands to tangle in Dean’s short hair, pulling gently as his boyfriend continued to kiss and nip at his neck. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,” Dean practically purred against the soft skin of Castiel’s neck, taking in everything there was about him: his taste, his scent, the way his skin felt against his lips… _everything._ “I love you so much,” Dean finished, throwing out the whole _no chick flick moments_ out the window. He didn’t feel that way with Cas. When it came to Castiel, he always felt the need to tell him one-hundred percent how he felt.

Even if it made him out to be sort of a girl.

“I love you too, Dean,” Castiel whispered, nudging his face up so he could look into his eyes. “I was so lost before I met you…”

“So was I,” Dean admitted, kissing Cas’ cheek gently before going back to kissing his lips in an almost languid fashion. Cas’ arms that had been looped around his neck tightened for a moment before they dropped to wrap around Dean’s waist so that they were kissing in a tight embrace.

Everything was so comfortable with Cas… Dean never wanted the feeling to go away.

-0-

Cas hated having to leave Dean every night. Sometimes he wished he could just leave his family now and just be with Dean all the time. Ever since he and Dean had slept together—not had sex, actually _slept_ together in the same bed—Cas had had a hard time sleeping. No position felt right unless Dean’s arms were wrapped around him, or he could feel his body pressed against his own. It was all wrong, and he just wanted it to be right again.

Cas sighed gently and reached out to take Dean’s hand for a moment. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dean smiled softly and nodded, pulling his hand up to press a kiss to it, causing Castiel to blush softly. “Alright,” Dean responded, sighing softly in return. Cas could tell that Dean didn’t want him to go any more than he did.

“I love you,” Castiel said, for probably the hundredth time that day. Dean’s friends, and Sam, always joked around with them about how many times they told each other that they loved one another… but neither really thought they said it _that_ much.

And in Castiel’s case, he was afraid that every time he told the boy he loved him it may be the last.

“I love you too,” Dean responded, giving Cas’ hand a little squeeze before letting it go.

Cas gave Dean another short smile before grabbing his bag and getting out of the car. He walked up to the front door and opened it up, having forgotten completely about the conversation he and his uncle had that morning. The day had been too pleasant to think about things like that.

“Castiel.”

Castiel sighed as he heard the voice, turning to see if Dean was still in the driveway. He was seriously considering turning around and taking Dean up on that offer of taking him away. “Yes, Uncle?”

“We need to have words.”

 _Of course we do,_ Castiel thought. He turned to face his uncle and sighed softly. “Words? About what?”

“I was in your room this morning, after you left…”

At that, Castiel’s heart simultaneously started to beat faster and drop; he felt as if he were going to have a heart attack. He saw Michael come through the door and into the room where Zachariah was standing. He looked to his left and saw Gabriel standing there, a look on his face that could only be described as sick… And he had a black eye.

“What happened, Gabriel?” he asked his brother, disregarding his uncle and brother for a moment.

“Me,” Michael said with a sneer. “He wouldn’t speak.”

Castiel rose his brow a bit and turned to face Michael. “Speak? Upon what subject?”

“ _You,”_ Zachariah answered. “You’ve been lying to us, Castiel. About everything.”

Castiel felt his stomach twist and turn into a million little pieces. He wanted to turn around and run, but he was too close to both Zachariah and Michael. He was sure they wouldn’t just let him run this time. “L-lying?” he stuttered, “Lying about wh-what?”

“Your… _‘friend’,”_ Zachariah growled. “Gabriel gave up the location of that little box you keep in your room, with all those notes and… _pictures_. And that _letter_ from Yale,” he growled. For the first time in a while, Castiel was truly scared of his uncle and Michael.

“This is a _sin,_ Castiel!” Michael yelled, stepping closer to Castiel. “You’ve been letting that… abomination of a boy brainwash you. Letting him do things to you—”

“Don’t call him that!” Castiel yelled, cutting off his brother and backing up, accidently running into the wall behind him. “And how I am… tha-this has nothing to do with Dean! I was like this before I even met him. I’ve _always_ been like this!” he tried, stumbling through his words, but no one was listening to his reasoning.

“You must repent, Castiel!” Zachariah all but screamed, so loud that Cas was sure that their neighbors could hear. “This is a sin; an abomination! The bible says that a man shan’t lay with another man!”

Castiel scoffed at his uncle and Michael. He was so tired of this, all of it. He was tired of living in fear and constantly having to hide who he really was. “The bible also says not to cut your hair or shave, Leviticus 19:27, both of which you’ve done in the last week; and not to wear clothes made of more than one fabric, Leviticus 19:19, and we’re all doing this now! How is it that you’re faulting me for this, when this is how I was born? Something I can’t help nor choose? And even if I could… I _wouldn’t!_ ” he retorted in a fit of anger.

Michael looked as if he were only a minute away from lurching forward and beating the living daylight out of Castiel, and at this point, Cas didn’t care if he did. He knew that he wasn’t the one in the wrong here. “It is not natural,” Michael fired back, his voice low and full of anger. “This… this is _disgusting._ ”

He turned to face Zachariah after sending another disgusted glare towards Castiel. “Uncle, we can’t let this… this _faggot_ live with us.”

The word hit Cas like a bullet. He’d been called the word before by kids in school, but he didn’t think anything of it. He knew that for some reason, it was just a common insult, and that they didn’t know the full and entire truth behind the word. But now, when being called the word by his very own brother, who knew exactly what he was saying, the word stung like a wasp.

“We must send him away,” Zachariah decided, as if Castiel had no choice in the matter… and he _didn’t._ “We’ll send him to a church camps that fix people with his… _sickness_.”

“No!” Cas screamed, feeling the tears start to prick at his eyes. He instantly remembered the things he read online about those conversion therapy camps. He thought of the ‘treatments’ he read about… just thinking of them made the tears start to fall. “I’m not going to one of those… those places! I’m not leaving here, and I’m not leaving Dean! I’m not going anywhere until I go to college!” 

“You don’t have the choice in the matter, boy!” Zachariah yelled. Castiel felt his body ache… he knew this day would happen one day, but he never imagined it to be like this.

“You can’t m-make me do anything,” Castiel fired back, tears still falling. “I’ll leave… I-I’ll leave and never come back. You won’t ever have to see me again, but I-I’m not going to one of those camps.”

“We can make you do whatever we want, Castiel,” Michael snapped with an edge of sadism to his voice. “You’re just a boy. You _have_ to do what we say.”

Cas barely held back a sob. “Or what?”

“Or this,” Michael screamed. That’s when the first punch hit him. Then another. And another. And by that point he barely felt it; only felt the hot tears falling down his cheeks mixed with a bright ache. He tried to fight back, but he couldn’t.

With each hit, all he could see were green eyes, a bright smile, and the words _I love you_ echoing in his ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me for the ending... :( It'll get better... 
> 
>  
> 
> Ish.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so I probably won't be able to update the rest of the month. I have to write a novel for creative writing on top of the shit ton of work I already have for school. It's fucking insane. But anyways, here's chapter 11 for now. Wish me luck on my novel! :)

Dean heard a knock at the door that night, a little after ten o’clock. He was sitting on the couch with Sam and his dad, finishing up watching the football game they’d recorded so that they could watch together. It was odd that anyone would knock this late at night, seeing that in their neighborhood most people were out by nine o’clock. Dean told his father and Sam that he’d get it and walked to the door, half expecting it to be one of those annoying kids a few blocks down that felt the need to play ding-dong-ditch every once and a while.

What he was _not_ expecting was Cas, and definitely not a Cas that looked like he’d been hit by a car.

There were tears pouring down the other boy’s face, which was almost covered in bruises. Dean felt his heart break at the sight of him. “Cas? Oh my god, baby… What the hell happened?” he yelled without meaning to. Cas jumped at his voice and he reminded himself to not yell.

“M-Michael,” Cas whispered, sniffling softly. “D-Dean, they know… a-about me and… and us, and… Ya—” he stopped short and let out a broken sob.

Dean pulled Cas gently inside and closed the door behind him, bringing Cas into his arms, careful not to hold him too tight. He wasn’t sure just how much Michael had hurt him, and he didn’t want to accidently hurt him anymore. “Shh, angel, it’s okay,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Cas’ hair, which was even messier than normal. “Did you walk here?”

Cas nodded and buried his nose in Dean’s neck, as if he were trying to disappear into his arms.

“Baby… you should have called me,” Dean whispered, rubbing gentle circles onto Cas’ back.

“My phone was dead,” Castiel murmured into Dean’s neck, sniffling again. “A-And it took me so long to get away from Michael, and I got lost… I-I just wanted to come here.” Castiel looked up at Dean, his wide blue eyes filled with tears, making them shine in a tragically beautiful way. “Can I stay here tonight?”

Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’ nose gently, causing him to flinch. For a second, Dean thought that Cas’ nose might have been broken. Or maybe it was just bruised. He looked bruised _everywhere,_ actually. “You’re not going back to them, you hear me?” Dean said firmly, but calmly. “I’m not letting you go back to them when they do this to you… You can stay here as long as you need, Cas.”

“But… will your dad…?”

“Hey,” Dean whispered, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Cas’ lips. “You’re my family, you know that? You’re family to me, man… and that means you can stay here. Okay?”

Cas nodded and put his head down on Dean’s shoulder again. “I-I… thank you,” he whispered.

Dean smiled softly at Cas and helped him into the living room, helping him to sit down on the couch. He looked absolutely exhausted, but then again, he’d just walked who knows how many miles to get to Dean’s house.

After explaining to Sam and John what had happened to him, Dean helped Cas out of his trench coat and started to walk away to get him some ice packs and a wet wash cloth to wipe away the blood that had dried on his face. Cas reached out and with a small, almost unnoticeable cry, begged Dean not to leave him.

Luckily, Sam went to get the ice pack and wash cloth for him, obviously willing to help out Cas. Dean knew that Sam considered Castiel to be a friend, and for this he was thankful.

“It’ll stop hurting soon, Cas,” Dean assured him, pulling him gently into his side. “Just close your eyes and sleep; I’ll take care of you.”

“Promise…?” Cas whispered, his voice thick with pain and sleepiness.

Dean pressed a kiss to his head and pushed his hair out of his face. “I promise. Now go to sleep, angel.”

Dean could tell that Castiel was so exhausted that he didn’t need to be asked twice. Within seconds, his eyes were closed and he was asleep against Dean’s side. Dean sighed softly and wiped the tears from the boy’s cheeks with his thumb gently before starting to massage his scalp, causing Cas to make a pleasant little humming noise in his sleep.

“So you said his brother did this to him?” John asked, sitting down in the leather chair across from Dean as Sam walked in with the ice pack and wash cloth.

Dean smiled softly and thanked Sam before taking the wash cloth and started to dab gently at Cas’ bruises, trying to get the blood off of his face the best he could. “Yeah, Michael,” Dean answered, anger boiling up inside him. “God, I swear I’m going to rip that asshole’s fucking throat out the first chance I get…” he looked over at John and bit his lip a little, shaking his head and taking a deep breath, attempting to keep himself from shedding any tears. He needed to be strong for Cas. “Sorry,” he muttered, placing the ice pack against Cas’ nose.

Cas moved a tiny bit in his sleep, but surprisingly, stayed asleep. Dean knew that he must’ve been exhausted from all the shit he’d endured today. “I just can’t believe someone would do something like this to him… he doesn’t deserve it. None of it.”

“He can stay here as long as he needs, son,” John said with a sad sigh. It was obvious that he felt for his son, but he didn’t know what to say on the matter. “I’m here for you, both of you, whatever ya need. Just tell me.”

Dean nodded. “Thanks, Dad,” he muttered, pressing a gentle kiss into Cas’ hair. “I think I’m just going to get him to bed for now.”

“You two just take some time off of school,” John suggested, standing up and walking towards the school. “I don’t think neither of you are in the right state to be leavin’ the house at this point.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean said, nodding and beginning to scoop Castiel up into his arms. He was lighter than he’d expected, but Dean really wasn’t looking forward to carrying him up the stairs, mainly because he was afraid he’d wake up and freak out, or he’d drop him or something… But it was really his only option. There was no way he was waking Cas up to make him walk up a flight of stairs.

It really wasn’t that difficult, in the long run, to get Cas upstairs and into Dean’s bed. Dean was careful not to harm Cas any more than he obviously was as he laid him down on his bed. He had hoped that Cas would stay asleep through the process of his helping him into something more comfortable, but much to Dean’s dismay, he woke up, moaning a tiny bit in pain at the new position.

“Dean?” he whispered, his voice gravelly. “What…?”

“Shh,” Dean whispered, sitting on the edge of his bed and unbuttoning his boyfriend’s once white shirt. It was dirty now, with dirt and what he didn’t want to believe was blood, but he knew it had to be. There wasn’t much, but there shouldn’t have been _any._ “I’m just getting you in something more comfortable. Go back to sleep.”

“Don’t wanna,” Cas muttered, his voice obviously sleepy. “I-I… I wanna talk to you…”

Dean sighed and shook his head. “Even now you’re stubborn,” he muttered, pulling the shirt off of him and tossing it into the laundry bin he kept in his room. He looked down to examine Castiel’s chest… It was covered almost entirely in bruises. Dean felt sick at the sight of it. Just the damn thought that someone could do this to Cas, much less his own _brother_ , made him want to throw up. “God, Cas… what happened?”

“Zachariah was searching my room while I was at school this morning… I assume he asked Gabriel if he knew anything… secretive about me, and when Gabriel didn’t answer to his liking, Michael gave him a black eye. Then he told him… everything he knew.”

Dean raised his brow at Cas slightly and dabbed gently at the dry blood on Cas’ stomach. “How long has he known?”

“Only a day or so. I was going to tell you, but I… I didn’t get the time.”

Dean sighed and stood up, walking over to his dresser to grab one of his most comfortable t-shirts. He was sure that Cas wouldn’t mind it being an ACDC shirt. “It’s okay,” he whispered, helping Cas sit up so that he could slip the shirt over his body. “You can just sleep in you boxers tonight, if you want. It’ll be too much work than it’s worth trying to get you into another pair of pants.”

Cas nodded and moved his hips up as if he knew what Dean was about to ask. Dean smiled softly and helped him out of the slacks before throwing those into the laundry bin as well. “I’m sorry,” Cas whispered, sniffling gently again.

Dean raised his brow yet again and got in bed, already being in his bed clothes. “For what?” he asked, opening his arms for Cas.

“Everything,” Cas whispered, putting his head against Dean’s chest gently. “Coming to you like this so late… worrying you.” Castiel sighed and looked up to Dean with those _damn_ eyes. Dean wanted to lean down and kiss away all of the bruises on his face, though he knew it’d be no use. “I know you worry, Dean… and I don’t want you to worry about me.”

Dean sighed and pressed a kiss to Castiel’s forehead. “I’ll always worry about you, no matter what. It’s a part of loving someone.” He pulled Castiel a little closer to him and reached down to pull the covers over their bodies. “We can talk about this tomorrow. You look exhausted.”

Castiel nodded and sniffled a little, nuzzling his head into Dean’s chest more as Dean helped him get settled down into bed. “Goodnight, Dean,” Castiel whispered into Dean’s chest, grasping onto his sides a little and holding onto him tightly, as if he let go Dean might disappear.

“Night, angel,” Dean muttered into Cas hair, his face buried in the dark chocolate-colored hair.

“Love you…” Cas whispered just as he started to drift off to sleep again.

Dean sighed again, for what felt like the millionth time that day. “I love you too,” he whispered, hugging Cas gently to his body. He was afraid to let the boy go. If he did, he was sure that something else would hurt him.

But it wouldn’t be Michael… Because if it were the last thing Dean did, he was going to make that son of a fucking bitch pay for what he did to Castiel.

-0-

                Castiel woke up the next morning to an empty bed. At first, he thought he was at home and that everything that had happened last night had just been a horrible nightmare… but then he moved and he felt that horrible pain resonating in… well, pretty much everywhere. He remembered it all clearly now. He remembered coming home to find that his uncle and Michael had found out that he was going to Yale, and that he was gay… and he remembered Michael beating the shit out of him. He remembered each and every punch, and kick, with a vivid accuracy, as if it were all coming back to him. He remembered the talk of them sending him off to one of those awful camps… He remembered it _all._

He’d been so helpless. He couldn’t fight Michael back, seeing that Michael was bigger and stronger than he was. There was no way he could fight against him. He had been utterly defenseless to his older brother. He couldn’t do anything but stand there and take it until Zachariah had told him it was enough. After that, and after Zachariah spent some time yelling at Castiel about how he was an abomination, they just let him sit there… all bloodied and half-broken as if he didn’t mean a damn thing to them.

It took Cas a solid thirty minutes to get up and walk out the door. He’d tried to call Dean to come and pick him up, but his phone had long since died. So he walked. He walked the five or six miles to Dean’s house, which was no easy task in his current state. But he did it, and it was all almost worth it once he was in Dean’s arms again.

But now he wasn’t. He sat up and began to get out of bed, but his body was too sore. He stayed in his boyfriend’s bed and considered calling out to him to see where he was, but he didn’t feel like it. So he just sat there and waited for minutes upon minutes before Dean came back into the room, carrying a tiny make-shift tray in his hand.

“Hey,” Dean greeted him with a smile, sitting down on the edge of the bed and handing Cas the tray of food. “I didn’t think you’d want to get out of bed, so I thought it’d be better for us to eat in bed,” he shrugged and slid back under the covers with Cas, “Plus, I liked the idea of eating breakfast in bed.”

Castiel looked at the food on the tray. There were pancakes, eggs, bacon, and French toast, along with two cups of coffee, just waiting for him to eat and drink. “You didn’t have to do this, Dean,” Castiel remarked, still looking at the food.

Dean grabbed a piece of bacon and started to eat it. “Did you not hear me?” he asked, giving Cas a small nudge to indicate to him to start eating. “I wanted to. Now dig in.”

Cas nodded softly, staring at the food blankly for a few moments before grabbing a fork and starting to slowly eat the eggs. It was something he could get used to, honestly. If he could wake up every single morning and have someone—No, not just someone, it had to be Dean. He didn’t want anyone else—bringing him breakfast and treating him in the amazing way that Dean always did, he’d be happy. If he had this every single day, he wouldn’t want anything else in the world.

“Thank you,” he finally commented, almost finishing his eggs. He looked up at Dean and gave him a small smile. “Not only for breakfast, but for everything.”

Dean smiled back and leaned in, pressing a closed mouth kiss to Cas’ lips before going back to eating his breakfast. “You don’t have to thank me, you know that. At least, you should.”

Cas leaned into Dean’s side a little more and nodded. He did know it, but he didn’t care. He needed Dean to know just how thankful he was. Not only for breakfast, not even only for the night before, but for _everything._ Castiel honestly had no idea how he lived life before Dean came and taught him that he could be his own person.

They finished their breakfast in comfortable silence. As they finished, Dean put the tray and their coffee cups on his side table. “Do you wanna take a shower?” Dean asked, standing up and stretching a little. “I can get you a towel and you can wear some of my extra clothes and—”

“Join me?” Cas cut Dean off in both an answer and a question.

Dean’s eyes got a bit bigger and he bit down on his bottom lip as he nodded his head. “Yeah… yeah, okay,” he answered. “Let me just grab you some extra clothes and that towel. You can go ahead and get in if you’d like.”

Castiel nodded and slowly began to get out of bed. His body hurt all over with each step he took towards Dean’s bathroom. He hoped that the shower would help in some way, but he didn’t think it would. Something told him that he’d be sore for quite some time afterwards.

It took him a long time to undress, even though he was barely wearing any clothes; simply stretching his arms down and trying to get his underwear off caused him to hurt even more. Luckily, Dean walked in as he was winced. “Let me help you,” Dean said in a sort of seductive voice. Then again, it could have been how Castiel was taking it. To him, Dean could say the simplest sentence and it caused him to want to press him against the first available surface and kiss him until neither of them could breathe.

“Thank you,” Cas said, leaning back against the sink as Dean helped him out of his underwear. Dean’s fingers glided down his legs, and back up once his boxers hit the floor. Castiel stepped out of them and kicked them gently to the side. Dean continued to move his skilled fingers up Cas’ body, up his sides to where the hem of his—Dean’s, really—shirt was, hanging low on his body.

Cas lifted his arms up as far as the would go without hurting too much. Dean pulled the black shirt over his head and tossed it to the side next to Cas’ boxers. Castiel let his arms fall to Dean’s shoulders, looping around his neck as he pressed his forehead against his boyfriend’s. “Your turn,” he muttered, closing his eyes and leaning forward so that his lips were brushing against Dean’s.

Dean nodded a tiny bit and leaned down a tiny bit so that he was still in Cas’ embrace, but could get himself out of both his boxers and pajama bottoms. He only pulled out of Cas’ arms when he took his shirt off, throwing it down on the floor. “Shower…” Dean managed to say, turning around and turning the water on.

Cas stopped leaning against the sink long enough to get into the shower, Dean following him as he did. He could see Dean’s eyes looking over his body, but he couldn’t tell if it was because of the fact that he was almost covered in bruises or because he was naked. Either way, Cas didn’t want Dean to stare at him any longer, so he pressed his boyfriend up against the wall gently and sank his lips against Dean’s.

Dean let out a small, strangled moan against Cas’ lips. Their bodies were pressed flush against each other with the water beating down on Cas’ back as he continued to attack Dean’s lips, his tongue darting inside Dean’s mouth without a second thought to the matter.

He needed this. He needed to feel Dean close to him and to feel how right he felt when he was kissing and touching the older boy. Their first time had been so soft and gentle, and Cas had loved it with every part of his body, but he didn’t want slow now. Hell, if he hadn’t been so sore he would have asked Dean to push him against the shower wall and fuck him so hard that he couldn’t see straight… But his body was still in too much pain for that. So he settled for this; kissing Dean hard and fast in a steamy shower, their bodies pressed against one another as their hips slotted together, grinding into each other as best they could.

“F-fuck… C-Cas,” Dean whispered, finally pulling his lips away from Cas’. Castiel could help but to notice how bruised they were becoming, and how unbelievably sexy he looked like this. “What’s gotten into you?” he asked with a small laugh. “Not complaining, but still… Are you sure this isn’t hurting you?”

Castiel shook his head and crashed his lips back against Dean’s. “I’m fine,” Cas whispered, dropping his lips to suck wet kisses against Dean’s neck under the hot stream of the water. “Missed you… missed kissing you… missed touching you…” he muttered between sloppy kisses, his hand moving down Dean’s body to wrap around his cock.

Dean let out a soft moan and let his head drop to Cas’ shoulder. “F-fuck…” he murmured, bucking his hips into Cas’ hand as his boyfriend began to move his hand up and down Dean’s dick, starting off at a painfully slow pace and building up to an overwhelmingly fast pace.

Dean was moaning and writhing against Cas’ body, his knees starting to give out as Cas thumbed over the head of his cock and to the slit where pre-come was beginning to gather. Cas wanted nothing more than to sink to his knees and take Dean into his mouth, sucking him off until he was coming, but he couldn’t. His knees were still scraped up from where he’d tripped yesterday when walking to Dean’s, and there had already been bruises on his legs before that. So instead, he continued this; jerking him off at a pace that went from fast to agonizingly slow.

“Fuck-Fuck… Cas,” Dean moaned, biting down gently on Cas’ shoulder as he Cas twisted his hand. Cas could tell that Dean was about to come, which made him smirk a tiny bit.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Cas whispered into Dean’s ear, nipping gently at the spot beneath his ear. “And you’re all mine,” he muttered, quickening his pace and twisting his hand a few more times.

“I-I’m yours,” Dean cried out, his voice shaky as he grasped onto Cas a bit too tight. Cas winced a little but ignored the pain. “C-Cas… I-I…”

“You’re mine,” Cas repeated, kissing over to Dean’s lips before crushing his lips against the boy writhing in front of him. “Always mine…”

With one more twist of Cas’ hand, Dean came with a scream. His head fell back against the wall and he all but fell down onto the floor of the bathroom, and he probably would have if Cas hadn’t held him up.

Castiel kissed Dean throughout his orgasm, reaching down to wrap his fingers around his own dick and beginning to slowly stroke himself off. As Dean came down he dropped to his knees on the floor of the shower, swatting Cas’ hand away and taking the other boy’s cock in his mouth, just as Cas wished he could have with Dean.

It didn’t take Castiel long to come, though. All it took was his feeling the warm heat that Dean’s mouth had to offer, the slickness of Dean’s tongue as he swirled it around the head of his boyfriend’s cock and the fact that he’d already been hard as a rock just from touching, watching and listening to Dean. Before he could give it a second thought, he was coming down Dean’s throat with a low moan, his hand fisting some of Dean’s short hair.

Dean had to wrap his arms around Cas’ thighs to keep him from losing balance, and as soon as he came down, Dean let go and stood back up to face Cas. They leaned into each other for a slow, languid kiss, Cas tasting himself on Dean’s lips as he kissed him.

“Hmm… that was a nice surprise,” Dean murmured against Cas’ lips, pecking the boy’s bruised lips once more before pulling away to grab the shampoo.

“Indeed it was,” Castiel agreed, moving back a little so that he was standing directly below the stream of water. It wasn’t as hot as it was when they had entered the shower, but it was still warm enough to make his skin tingle and turn slightly red. The water pressure was amazing, much better than the shower he had at home. It was starting to help the pain he’d felt start to fade away.

“C’mere,” Dean said, walking closer to Cas and pouring some of the shampoo into his hands before starting to gently massage it through Cas’ messy hair.

Cas sighed happily and leaned his forehead against Dean’s, letting his boyfriend run his fingers through his hair and scratch gently at his scalp. With every movement of Dean’s fingers, Cas felt himself fall a little bit more in love with him and the idea of never leaving Dean’s side.

Even if that wasn’t really an option.

-0-

They didn’t do much the rest of the day. After getting dressed and going downstairs, they opted to just watch TV—something Cas had admitted to not doing since he was ten—and cuddle on the couch. There really wasn’t much on, though, so they settle on the original version of _True Grit,_ which Cas had never seen and Dean hadn’t seen since he was younger.

Dean played with Cas’ damp hair throughout the entire movie, which he wasn’t really watching, instead he stared down at his boyfriend. Occasionally leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead and stroking his finger over one of the bruises on his cheek. He had a hard time believing how unbelievably strong Cas was sometimes. He didn’t even want to imagine some of the things that his family had said and done to him. It was _horrible,_ and to think that someone would do something like that to Cas… well, it broke Dean’s heart.

Cas kept going, though. He’d been really shaken up before, but now, as they watched the movie, he didn’t seem like he wanted to talk about it. Dean couldn’t blame him, and in a way, he was grateful; he had no idea how to comfort someone in this situation.

The movie ended before Dean had even realized it. He wasn’t sure if Cas had realized that he’d been watching him instead of the movie; it was hard not to. To Dean, everything his boyfriend did was absolutely perfect and beautiful, even when all he was doing was breathing. Eventually, though, Castiel caught on to Dean’s staring when he looked up to him. Cas smiled and wrapped his hand around the nape of Dean’s neck, playing with the hair at the bottom of his neck gently before pulling him down into a kiss.

Dean kissed him back while still playing with his hair. Cas sighed into the kiss and pulled away a little, smiling up at Dean softly. “You said I could stay here, right?”

“Of course you can,” Dean answered without a thought to the matter. There was no way he was letting him leave, especially if it was back to those assholes he called family. “I’m not letting you go that easily.”

“Thank you,” Cas said with a small, contented, sigh. “How long can I stay, exactly?”

 _Forever,_ Dean wanted to yell, but he knew that forever wasn’t a realistic answer. “As long as you need,” he settled on, leaning down and ghosting his lips over Cas’ lips. “I want you here more than you know.”

“I know you do,” Cas whispered before he leaned up and closing the space between them, kissing him again fervently. Neither seemed like they were going to pull apart, like they were the only thing keeping each other alive. It was always like that between them; an unspoken agreement that if they didn’t have each other that they’d go insane.

And in a way, they might have been the only things keeping the other alive. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm only supposed to have 9000 words for nanowrimo and I have like 11340 so I took a break to update!! Yay!!

Castiel was yet again surprised at how much different family dinner was at the Winchesters’ house than it was at his. Dean’s brother and father had actual conversations about things that pertained to all of them during dinner. They joked around, they laughed, they smiled, and they just were more of a family than Castiel had seen since he was a child _._ It was all was all so cold and _formal_ at Cas’ house, he hated it; he hated _them._

But then there was Dean’s house. He hadn’t felt at home somewhere since he was ten, when his mother was alive and his family was happy. The feeling of _home_ was so odd… but nice; and he felt at home with Dean. When Dean held him, kissed him, told him he loved him, he felt at home for the first time in seven years.

He felt horrible for not telling Dean about Yale. It wasn’t even about Dean breaking up with him even more; it was more about them fighting. In the time they’d dated, they’d only fought twice about small things, and each had ended with them making out heatedly. Even if the fights they had were small, Cas didn’t want to have another with Dean… especially knowing that if they were to have one over Yale, it’d be bad. He didn’t want that.

For once, it felt like that there was a possibility that things could be okay for them. That once this whole thing with Castiel’s family blew over they could be together and just be happy until Cas had to leave. He didn’t want to ruin that… not yet, at least.

So he pushed it to the back of his mind and ate dinner with the Winchesters. He gave Sam advice on the AP algebra course he’d be taking the next year, he listened to Dean and John as they talked about the garage, and when dinner was over, he put his head on Dean’s shoulder as they waited for Sam and John to bring in the desert.

It was something he was quickly becoming used to. He’d forgotten what family felt like, until then at least. He’d forgotten how much he needed and craved family and people that loved him. It was so odd to him how much he became to rely on not only Dean, but Dean’s family. Though odd as it was, he liked it. A lot.

“Are you feeling better?” Dean asked as he wrapped his arm around Castiel’s shoulder and tugging him in the older boy’s direction lightly. Castiel appreciated how gentle Dean had been with him and his injuries, because even though he wasn’t hurting as much, he was still sore. He assumed it would last a few more days, but he wasn’t quite sure.

“Yes,” Castiel nodded, looking up so he was facing his boyfriend. “Are we going to school tomorrow?” he asked, biting his bottom lip a little bit. He knew the only way he was going back to school was if he went back to his house to get his some clothing—though he liked wearing Dean’s clothes, they were a tiny bit big on him—and his books; he didn’t want to have to back to his uncle and Michael if he didn’t have to. He wasn’t even that keen on seeing Gabriel at this point.

“Not unless you want to,” Dean answered, carding his fingers through Castiel’s hair as he so often did. “Dad said we don’t have to go back till Monday, and Bobby gave me the rest of the week off at the garage, too.”

“Good,” Castiel said with a relieved sigh; for once in his life, he _really_ didn’t want to go to school. He just wanted to stay here with Dean. “I-I won’t be able to go back until I get the things from my house…”

Dean bit his bottom lip, and Castiel instantly knew it was him trying to hold back his anger. He did it every time Cas mentioned his family or his house; he knew that the only thing holding Dean back from going over there himself and beating the shit out of Michael and Zachariah was him, and the fact that Cas didn’t want Dean to get hurt.

“I’ll take care of it,” Dean finally answered, pulling his fingers from Cas’ hair and dropping a kiss to his forehead as John and Sam walked back in with the leftover pie they’d had from the other day.

Cas sighed and pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s cheek before sitting up straight again. “Thank you,” he whispered. He didn’t know _how_ Dean was planning on taking care of it, but whatever it was, it made him uneasy.

-0-

Dean woke up early that next Thursday morning. He got out of bed quietly and as gently as possible, careful not to wake Castiel up. He quickly got dressed and went downstairs, hoping to get this over with before Castiel, or anyone for that matter, woke up and realized he wasn’t home. It was about five in the morning when he got downstairs, which in Dean’s terms, was _way_ too fucking early, but he didn’t mind this time. He’d do anything for Cas, especially as something as simple as waking up a bit earlier than normal.

He’d successfully gotten downstairs and into the kitchen to make his coffee—he might be able to wake up this early for Cas, but there was no way he could do it without coffee—without alarming anybody, but the second he grabbed his keys and started to walk out his door, he was caught.

“Where the hell are you going so early in the morning?”

Dean turned around to face his father; he sighed and gripped onto his keys a little tighter than necessary. “I’m going to Cas’ house. He needs his clothes and school stuff… and he’s afraid to face those dickheads again, so I’m going.”

“Son, you realize they aren’t going to just let you right inside and up to Cas’ room, right? They probably already think you poisoned the boy, or whatever other homophobic garbage they’re spewing around,” John pointed out, walking towards the door and closer to Dean.

“Yeah, I’m aware… but I can’t just leave his stuff their forever,” Dean responded, letting the grip he had on his keys go a little. “I don’t really have another choice, Dad.”

“You’re right, you don’t,” John said, sighing a little and opening the door for Dean. “So I’ll go with you.”

“You’ll what?” Dean was completely shocked by his father’s offer, but he couldn’t say that he wasn’t glad. Deep down, not that he’d admit it, even to himself, he was sort of afraid of going over to Castiel’s house.

“You heard me, now go get in the damn car while I get dressed; this isn’t how I wanted to spend my morning.”

Dean smiled softly and walked towards the door. “Yes, sir.”

-0-

The ride to Novak’s house was silent, but that was mostly because they were both still pretty tired. Once they arrived at Castiel’s house, John parked his truck and looked over at Dean, who took a deep breath. He didn’t really have any idea what to say when he got inside, _if_ he got inside, that is. He had been planning on winging it, but he wasn’t sure how well that was going to work.

“You want me to go with you?” his dad asked from the driver’s seat of the old, red pickup truck he was driving.

Dean sighed and shook his head, opening the door and hopping out. “I’ll be okay. Just… wait here, yeah?”

John nodded and Dean shut the door behind him as he walked up to the door of Castiel’s house. He wasn’t sure if anyone would even be awake, seeing that it was now almost five thirty, but he’d intended on knocking and banging on the door until someone opened the door.

He stared at the door, looking to large as it stood in front of him, for a few moments before banged his fist against it a few times. It didn’t take that long, half a minute at most, for someone to come to the door. A man who appeared to be in his mid to late sixties opened the door. Dean remembered seeing him before, the day they’d gotten together. He’d been standing at the window, watching as Castiel had climbed into his car.

“You must be Dean,” the man, Zachariah, spat at him. “What are you doing at _my_ house?”

Dean glared at him and fought the urge to push him aside and go up to get Castiel’s stuff, but he didn’t. “I’m here to get Cas’ things,” Dean said as calmly as possible, even though his insides were practically on fire.

“And why is that?”

“Why do you think?” Dean couldn’t help himself from snapping. “Because he’s staying with me and he doesn’t want to come back to this hell house.” Dean’s voice had raised to a yell, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to get it all over with so he could get back home to Cas. “Now just let me inside so I can get his crap.”

“Castiel will not be staying with the likes of _you,”_ Zachariah snarled. “He’s going to come back home and we’re going to get him the help he needs so he won’t—”

“Fucking bullshit!” Dean yelled. He was so loud that he thought he may be waking up the entire neighborhood, but honestly he didn’t care. “Being gay isn’t something you can fix with a trip to Jesus Camp. It’s not something fixable, you asshole. Cas was born that way, and if you were _really_ his family, you’d accept him and not treat him like shit,” Dean growled, the urge to push the man out of his way growing by the second. “Now get the hell out of my way so I can get my boyfriend’s shit from his room, because I swear to god, I will _never_ let you take him away from me. I love him, and when you love someone, _really_ fucking love someone, then you protect and do what’s best for them. You treat them with a little thing called respect, which is something _none_ of you assholes have ever done for Cas.”

This time, Dean did push Zachariah out of the way, risking being arrested for breaking and entering—well, entering at least—and stomped his way up to Castiel’s room. He’d never been so glad before that Cas had told him that his room was in the attic, because he _really_ didn’t want to be poking around in the little house any longer than he had to.

As he got upstairs and into Cas’ room, he closed and locked the door behind him. He could hear voices downstairs, but he ignored them. He just wanted to get Cas’ things and get out. Though, by the looks of Cas’ room, it wouldn’t take him very long. He didn’t have that many things, which wasn’t really surprising to Dean.

He opened Cas’ closet and grabbed the two suitcases and one bag he had and started to throw the little clothing he had into them. He didn’t have that many personal items, either. He had a few books, his phone, and a box that he said he kept under his bed, which was now sitting on top of it.

After Dean had packed everything he could into the suitcases and bag, he grabbed the box and clutched it under his arm, Cas’ book bag on his back, one suitcase in each hand and the bag slung over his shoulder. He honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to get downstairs like this. He sighed and tried to put down the box, but it fell onto the floor.

He groaned in frustration and let everything drop to the floor as he bent down to pick up the items. There were a few pictures of Castiel and his family when they were a lot younger, a few pictures of them, a picture of Dean, a few notes which they’d passed in class, some college brochures, some jewelry which he assumed belonged to his mother and…

“What the hell…?” Dean whispered, seeing a letter with Yale’s crest on it. He picked it up and unfolded it out of curiosity. Had Cas been rejected to the college and not told him? Or… had he been _accepted?_ A wave of nausea washed over Dean as he stared at the letter, not even reading it, just _staring_ at it. Why hadn’t Castiel told him about a letter like this?

Dean took a deep breath and focused in on the print, starting to read it over. The second he read the word _accepted_ his heart sank into his stomach. He knew he should have been excited, he knew that he should be fucking _ecstatic_ over that his boyfriend was getting out and going away, but his boyfriend was _getting out and going away_ for heaven’s sake. And why the hell hadn’t he told him?

He had so many questions about the matter, and honestly, all he wanted to do was get out of the house. He didn’t even want to go home and see Cas at this point. He didn’t know what he’d say to him.

He couldn’t remember a time where he’d ever truly been mad at Cas, but there was a first time for everything.

-0-

Dean barged out of Cas’ house with his belongings and threw them into the back of his father’s truck. Honestly, he’d planned on giving Michael a piece of his mind, and probably his fist, but his mind was too clouded for that. The ride home was utterly silent, and when they got home, he asked his father to bring Cas’ things inside for him. When he was asked why he couldn’t do it, he told his father that he needed to get away.

Without really letting his father continue, he left. He got out of the truck and practically sprinted over to the impala before starting it and speeding off. He turned the radio up louder than he thought it could go and listened to the first thing that was on the station. He didn’t know why he was so angry, or so upset, but he was. He always knew that Castiel leaving was something that would definitely happen. The boy was too smart to stay and rot in a one horse town like this… but that didn’t make it easier for Dean.

Eventually, he realized it wasn’t safe for him to drive. He was too angry, upset and downright erratic, so he pulled off to the lake. It had always been his place to get away from things, but now it had turned into _their_ place. He walked by the dock and thought of their first kiss, how they’d told each other they loved each other in the lake, and once he was inside the house how they’d first had sex in the very spot he was standing.

Dean didn’t cry. _Ever._ It just wasn’t him. The last time he remembered crying was when he was ten and he’d broke his arm by falling out of a tree that Sammy had gotten a kite stuck in. But the second he walked in and sat down on the floor, pressing his knees against his chest, the tears started to fall.

Castiel was leaving him, and that wasn’t even the worst part. Castiel was leaving him and he hadn’t even bothered to tell him. If Cas had come to him and told him that he’d made it into Yale, he would’ve celebrated with him, he was sure of it. But finding it out on his own, especially under the circumstances was like a knife to the chest.

A month ago, his expectations for life were _shit._ But then Castiel came into his life and made him feel like he could do something with his life, or at least _have_ someone in his life that meant something to him. He’d planned on marrying some girl that he was only half in love with before, but now… When he thought of the possibility of ever getting married, the only person that came to mind was Castiel. And he was a whole hell of a lot more in love with the boy than half in love.

Love wasn’t something that came easy to Dean, but with Cas he fell head over heels in love with him in a matter of _moments._ Everything about him was perfect, _fucking perfect,_ to Dean. He loved him so much, and he was willing to do anything for him… but this, watching him just leave and go away for what, four years? That felt like too much.

He couldn’t believe Cas hadn’t even told him. After everything Dean had told Cas, which was literally _every_ single intimate detail of his life, he could even tell him this? They were supposed to be able to trust each other with things like this. Dean didn’t know what to do, or think, so he just sat in the middle of the room and cried until he ached and he wasn’t able to cry any longer.

Eventually, when the tears ran out and he couldn’t cry anymore, he stood up on shaky legs and made his way out to the car. Even if he was mad at Castiel, he needed to get back home to him. His father probably wasn’t that pleased with him, either, for barging off like that. He almost didn’t care, though.

The ride back to his house from the lake was different than the ride over. He didn’t listen to any music, he didn’t cry, he wasn’t erratic… nothing. He was quiet. His mind was spinning in a million different ways, but he tried to push them all away. He didn’t know what to say to Cas when he got home, but whatever it would be, he knew he’d have to confront him in some way or another.

It was around nine when Dean got back home. Dean’s father’s truck wasn’t in the garage when Dean parked his car, so he assumed that he left for work. Sam would be at school, so he and Cas had the house to themselves. Normally, that would be the most exciting thing in the world for Dean, but now… it was horrifying.

He walked inside and threw his keys onto the side table. He didn’t really want to face Cas yet. Instead he would go upstairs and take a shower before—

“Dean?”

Or not.

Castiel was sitting on the couch, flipping through channels on T.V. as he noticed Dean coming in, he flipped the T.V. off and got up, walking over to his boyfriend. “Your dad told me that you went and got my things. Thank you. You didn’t have to do that… and you definitely did not have to do it when I was asleep.” Castiel gave Dean that smile, that beautiful smile that made Dean want to smile, cry and rip his heart out at the same time. “Are you okay? You look as if you’ve been crying… Your father said that you were acting strange when you left. Was it something Uncle—?”

“You didn’t tell me,” Dean blurted out, his eyes starting to sting again.

“I didn’t tell you what?” Castiel asked, raising his brow a tiny bit and cocking his head to the side as he did sometimes when he was confused.

“That you’re leaving. For Yale. Cas… _Cas_ , why the hell didn’t you tell me?” Dean asked, his throat tightening up and his heart starting to ache again. The look on Castiel’s face alone was enough to make him start to cry again. It was a mix of surprise and a look a little kid gives you when you catch him or her doing something wrong.

“H-How did you find that out?” Cas asked, his voice getting slightly higher in what sounded like anxiety.

“When I was packing your things away… I-I saw the letter. I dropped your box and everything fell out of it, and I saw it.” Dean blinked a few times, trying to keep the tears from falling again. “C-Cas… You could have told me. Why didn’t you?”

Castiel was silent for a moment, reverting back to how he used to look down at his shoes when Dean talked to him. “ _Ithoughtyouwouldleaveme_ ,” he whispered, too quickly for Dean to completely catch. He thought he’d heard what Cas had said, but he must’ve heard wrong. What he had heard was too insane.

“You _what_?” Dean asked. Castiel was silent. “Look at me, Cas!” Dean yelled, causing Cas’ head to snap up to look at him. His piercing blue eyes were reddening lightly; he, much like Dean, looked as if he were about to burst out crying at any moment.

“I thought you would leave me,” Castiel answered, his voice calm and stoic, yet his face showing every single emotion Dean could imagine. “I-I knew that you wouldn’t come with me, and I knew that we’d just end up fighting… and I didn’t want that to happen. So I thought it best not to tell you for the time being.”

“So you kept it from me?” Dean yelled. He felt his face turn red in pure anger and sorrow; he couldn’t believe Cas would do something like this to him. It was still unbelievable to him. “How the hell did you think that would work out for you, Cas?”

“I don’t know!” Castiel screamed back, causing Dean to jump. He’d never heard Cas raise his voice like that, and honestly, it was sort of scary. Not that he was scared of Cas, but just the fact that they were fighting like this. He didn’t like fighting with anyone, really… and especially not people he loved. “I didn’t want us to end up like this! Yelling and arguing with each other over this!I don’t want this, Dean! I don’t like conflict… especially not with you…”

“If you told me then we could have _talked_ about it, Cas!” Dean argued, throwing his hands up in the air in frustration. “We could have sat down and figured this the fuck out! Do you have any idea how fucking betrayed I felt when I realized you hid this from me? I’ve told you _everything!”_ He screamed, feeling the tears start to escape his eyes again. “You don’t get it, do you? This— _you_ getting into Yale—It’s not just _your_ future anymore, Cas! It’s ours! Or am I the only one who thinks that way? Am I the only one that thinks this thing—me and you—isn’t just a fucking fling?”

“Dean, you’re overreacting!” Castiel yelled back, trying to grab one of Dean’s hands as if he were to hold it. For once, Dean didn’t want Cas to touch him, so he yanked it back. “I was scared! I’ve never been in love before! _You know that!_ How was I supposed to know what to do in a situation such as this?”

“I don’t know!” Dean screamed, trying to ignore the look of rejection Cas got when he pulled his hand away. “All I know is that this morning when I left, I thought you were the _one person_ I could be completely myself with, and you’d do the same with me. I thought that you _trusted me_ this morning… Enough to tell me things like this!”

“I’m still that person!” Cas yelled, but Dean shook his head.  

“No you’re not,” Dean responded, his voice dropping to a gravelly whisper. He sniffled and shook his head. “No… you’re not. You lied to me… or at least… well, you might as well have.” He ran his hand through his hair in frustration and shook his head. He couldn’t believe any of this was happening. Only a few days ago they’d been the happiest couple on the face of the earth… and now… now he didn’t know what they were. “For you to think I’d break up with you just because you got into college… Castiel, that makes me feel like you never even loved me in the first place.”

“Dean…” Cas whispered, his voice breaking with a soft sob. “Dean, o-of course I love you.” Cas tried to take another step towards him, but Dean backed away again. “Please, please… I-I’m sorry,” Cas begged, tears still streaming from his eyes.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it—”

“Dean, I made a mistake!” Cas yelled again, cutting him off mid-sentence. “I never meant to hurt you! I was scared of losing you, and I made a snap judgment! It was _wrong_ , I understand that now, but…” Cas looked down again and shook his head, bringing his hand up to rub at his eyes. “P-Please, don’t break up with me. I-I… I need you. I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want to.”

Dean sighed and looked away from Cas. Even if he was madder than hell at him, he couldn’t stand seeing the boy cry; it broke his heart. “I’m not breaking up with you, Cas,” Dean whispered, running his hand through his hair and sniffling softly. “I’m mad at you, and I don’t know what the hell we’re going to do about this… but I’m not breaking up with you.”

Cas looked up at him with wide, blue, eyes and blinked a few times, sniffling softly. “Really?” he asked in disbelief.

Dean nodded and looked into Cas’ eyes, feeling his heart break a little more again. “I’ll never break up with you,” he answered in a whisper, breaking away from Castiel’s eyes and looking down to his feet.  

Cas launched himself into Dean’s arms and held onto Dean tight, as if he thought Dean would push him away again; this time Dean didn’t pull away or push him back. He wrapped his arms around him, probably too tightly considering his bruising, but Castiel didn’t seem to mind. “I’m so sorry, Dean,” Castiel whispered into his ear.

Dean hugged onto him tighter and nodded gently, just letting Cas hold onto him tightly. He was still angry, but he wasn’t _as_ angry. Something told him that breaking up with Castiel would hurt a whole hell of a lot more than this did. “I know you are,” Dean answered, rubbing Castiel’s back gently. “Just… don’t do anything like that again.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Cas whispered, burying his nose into Dean’s neck. “I love you so much, Dean.”

Dean sighed softly and hugged onto Cas tightly, holding him as if he wouldn’t be able to do it again for a long time… because one day, that feeling would be a reality. Cas was leaving, and Dean didn’t know what to do or feel about any of it.

“I love you too, angel.” 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually found time to update. *GASP*

Everything between them was silent for the next few hours. They sat on the couch and watched T.V. and old movies that neither had seen, but it wasn’t like they had the day before. Castiel sat on one end of the couch, while Dean sat on the other. The only time they talked was when Dean had to explain a reference Castiel didn’t understand, but other than that, they never spoke. It wasn’t the same comfortable silence they were used to; it was awkward, and Castiel was dying to break it… but he didn’t know how.

He knew what he did was wrong, he got that, but he didn’t know how to make it better. He was so bad at being in a relationship, and up until that day, Dean disagreed with him. Castiel was dying to lean over and put his head on Dean’s lap, or to wrap his arms around him and kiss him until he forgave him completely. He knew that wasn’t an option, and even if it was, it wouldn’t fix a damn thing. He just wished he could just _fix_ things, or go back in time to where he could change things so that he would have told Dean in the first place.

He hated what he did to Dean. He wouldn’t have done it if he thought it would hurt Dean so much. If he could change things, he would, but the simple fact was that he _couldn’t._ It was impossible for him to change the past; the only thing he could do was work toward fixing the— _their—_ future.

Dinner was pretty quiet that night, even between Sam and John. No one really said anything, and Castiel knew that it was because of the awkward tension between Dean and him. They sat next to each other, but barely even looked at each other; it was driving Cas crazy, and all he wanted to do was hold his hand under the table like he usually did.

“I’m going to bed,” Dean muttered as he finished his dinner, picking up his plate and handing it to Sam, whose turn it was to do the dishes. It was only eight o’clock, which was _way_ too early for either one of them to go to sleep, but Castiel knew it was only to get away from the awkward silence around them.

“Goodnight,” Castiel said, leaning up to press a kiss to Dean’s lips gently. Dean leaned down and kissed his forehead and walked upstairs. Cas sighed and looked down at the floor; he just wanted it all to be over. They may have said their “I love you’s” and hugged it out, but that didn’t mean things were okay between them.

“I’ll help you clean up,” Castiel said with a sigh, getting up to help Sam and John clean up the kitchen. There really wasn’t much to clean up though, considering they’d just ordered Chinese, but they had used their plates instead of plastic, so they still had to wash those and their glasses, along with cleaning off the table.

“I’ll wash, you dry,” Sam said as he walked up to the sink; Cas just shrugged and followed Sam over to the sink, taking his place next to him. “So…” Sam started off washed off a glass that had once held coke. “Are you and Dean like, fighting or something?”

Cas blinked ahead and didn’t face Sam, even as he handed him the glass he’d finished washing. “No, not at this moment.”

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes a tiny bit. “I know that,” he grumbled, “I mean, have you been fighting? Things seemed really… I don’t know… _tense_ between you two.”

Cas rinsed off the plate and dried it off before he even thought of answering. “We had a fight this morning, if that’s what you mean,” Castiel finally answered; he really wasn’t in the mood to talk to his boyfriend’s little brother about his relationship problems, but he didn’t know how to get out of it, exactly.

“You two okay? He seemed pretty pissed at you…”

Castiel looked down at the soapy dishwater for a moment, before looking over to Sam. The fourteen year old was the same height he was, and he seemed as if he grew taller every single day. In the time he’d been dating Dean, Sam had sort of become like a brother to him as well; and unlike his brothers at home, Sam seemed to _care._

“I thought we had made up, but I’m assuming that this silent treatment means we haven’t.” Cas bit his lip and looked away from Sam. He felt like crying again, but he didn’t let himself. He’d already cried too much that week… he didn’t want to shed anymore tears. “I really messed up, Sam.”

“What the hell did you do to make him so angry?” Sam asked with genuine curiosity and worry.

Castiel wasn’t sure how to tell Sam, so he just put it out how it was. He told him about how he got into Yale, but didn’t tell Dean because he was afraid of what _could_ happen, and what would definitely happen. Sam didn’t seem to judge him throughout the entire story… he seemed to actually understand. “I told myself that I was doing the best for him—for us—but in reality, I was only doing it for me. I didn’t think he’d be so upset about this, though…” Castiel sighed and dried the last dish and put it into the dish drainer. “I would’ve never done something to hurt him intentionally.”

Sam took a towel and wiped his hands dry before patting Cas’ shoulder sympathetically. “Believe me when I say this, Cas. There’s no way he’d ever break up with you or leave you over something like this… hell, over _anything._ I know Dean really well, as I’m sure you can imagine, and I’ve never seen him care so much about someone else before. Just… do what you have to do to make up with him.” Sam gave a little, awkward laugh before starting to walk out of the kitchen. Before he left the room, he turned to smile at Castiel. “He was really sad and lonely before he met you, even though he wouldn’t admit it, he was. He really loves you, man. Don’t mess this up with him.”

And with that, Sam turned around to go upstairs. Cas sighed and dried his own hands off, letting everything the youngest Winchester said sink in.

-0-

Dean didn’t go upstairs to sleep that night. He got on his bed clothes, laid in bed, and closed his eyes… but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He wasn’t _as_ mad at Castiel anymore, but it was still there, lingering in the back of his mind and heart. He wanted to let it go so they could just move on, but it wasn’t that easy. He still felt betrayed, and honestly… he just wanted it all to go away. He wanted things to go back to being happy between them…

There was a knock on the door, a gentle one, and then it opened; Dean knew who it was before even opening his eyes. “Hi,” Cas whispered, walking in and shutting the door behind him.

“Hey,” Dean muttered, not bothering to open his eyes and look at his boyfriend. Maybe if he acted as if he were sleepy Castiel would leave him alone…

Cas sat on the edge of Dean’s bed—their bed, really—and was silent for a while. Dean could feel Castiel staring at him; he imagined those big, blue, eyes boring into him. So bright and radiant that he could see them without even opening his eyes. They were always in his mind. “It’s only nine, but I’m going to sleep,” Castiel said with a small sigh. “I… I can sleep on the couch, if you’d like.”

“No,” Dean answered, finally opening his eyes but not really looking at Cas. “It’s fine. You can sleep here.”

Castiel nodded and stood up to shed off his clothes and put his night clothes back on. Dean tried his hardest not to watch him undress; tried his hardest not to recognize the way his slender fingers skimmed lightly across the purple and fading bruises that scattered across his body, tried his hardest not to look at the definition of each and every muscle on his lean body and tried to keep a sane mind as he pulled off his sweat pants and pulled on a pair of Dean’s pajama bottoms.

By the time Cas got in bed, Dean had managed to tear his eyes away from him. He closed his eyes again and curled back into a little ball atop his bed. “Goodnight,” he muttered to Cas, feeling the other boy slip behind him and pull the covers around the both of them.

“Goodnight,” Cas whispered, leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to the back of Dean’s neck. Dean shivered slightly at the feeling. It was so chaste and simple.

They were silent for the longest time; not touching nor speaking, but Dean could feel Cas’ eyes boring into him. He tried to ignore him, but he couldn’t. It was impossible for Dean to just ignore the fact that he was there, his ocean-blue eyes staring at him with a love he was sure was there.

“Are you still mad at me?” Castiel asked after a few minutes, reaching over to put his hand on Dean’s waist. He started to draw gentle circles into Dean’s skin. It was simple and gentle, and again, made Dean shiver. He wasn’t sure if he should’ve been comforted or not by the feeling of his boyfriend’s hand on him. “If you are, I understand…”

Dean sighed and rolled over to face his boyfriend. He looked into those eyes, those bright eyes he could never get enough of, and shook his head the slightest. “I don’t know, Cas,” he muttered, leaning a tiny bit into the other boy’s body. “I don’t want to be. I really don’t.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and dropped a kiss to his forehead before moving his hand up to play with Dean’s light hair. “I don’t want you to be either, if that helps,” Castiel remarked, pulling Dean a tiny bit closer.

He felt comforted in the younger of the two’s embrace; normally it was him comforting Cas, but now that the role was reversed, he wouldn’t have done a damn thing to change it; he loved feeling Castiel so close to him. “It doesn’t really… but I know. It’s just… it’s hard to forget, you know?” he whispered. The brunet didn’t answer, he only nodded and nuzzled his nose into Dean’s hair. “The worst part was you thinking I’d leave you… Because I’d never do that,” he admitted, pulling Cas closer into his body. “And I don’t like fighting with you, though. You’ve got these real sad eyes; it’s fucking pathetic, man.”

Cas’ fingers grasped Dean’s shirt and held him silently for a long moment, not bothering to respond for a good minute or so. Dean refused to pull his face away; he couldn’t bring himself to look into those goddamn sad, blue, eyes.

“I apologize,” Cas finally answered. “I was not aware my eyes were so… sad.”

That’s what made Dean pull away from Cas’ chest and look up at him. Sure enough, those eyes were there; a sad ocean of Caribbean blue regret. “It’s ‘cause you’re sad.”

Cas gave Dean a small smile and shrugged; he didn’t know why, but it was one of those fall motions that made Dean fall in love with him ten times over. “I’m not sad now.”

“No? Why not?” he asked, because his eyes said otherwise. “And don’t you dare lie to me, Cas.”

“I’ll never lie to you, Dean,” Cas promised softly. “And… yes, I guess I am a little sad; only because I hate when you’re mad. Especially at me. It’s a horrible feeling… all of this.”

Dean understood the “all of this” that Cas spoke of; he didn’t just mean them fighting, or him being sad, or Dean being mad; when he said everything he meant _everything._ Everything from their argument, to their emotions and then on to their future. In approximately four months, Castiel was leaving. Of course, Dean _was_ happy for him. After all he’d been through he deserved this… but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t miss him like crazy. Just the idea of him going off too some Ivy League school for four years broke him to his very core. He didn’t want Cas to go, but the simple fact of the matter was, he’d never ask him to stay.

“Do you just wanna kiss and make up?” Dean asked as he eyed Cas the way someone might eye a precious gem. “And promise to never keep important things from each other again?”

Cas nodded and moved his hand away from Dean’s waist to between them where he could take his hand; their fingers laced together perfectly, like two final pieces of a puzzle. “And promise to always love one another.”

Dean nodded and gave Cas’ a small squeeze. “Sounds good to me,” he said with a smile, leaning close enough to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, just barely applying pressure to his soft lips. “I love you,” Dean murmured against his lips, kissing him full-on the lips before giving the other boy a chance to respond.  

Castiel kissed back passionately, pulling Dean as close to him as humanly possible whilst being fully clothed. Dean rolled on top of the younger boy and continued to kiss him, not breaking contact with him for even a mere second. They hadn’t really had a chance to make out like this for a few days, and Dean was _really_ enjoying it. He almost forgot about how amazing it was when Cas’ tongue collided and slid against his, or the way the boy beneath him would moan and bit on Dean’s lip occasionally, or how he’d run his hand up and down his back and eventually rest against Dean’s ass. If Dean hadn’t known Cas was a virgin before, he would’ve never been able to guess it.

Cas rolled his hips upwards against Dean’s, making the older boy moan gently against Cas’ tongue. He could never get enough of the feeling of being like this with Cas; being intimate with him wasn’t just sex… it was _so_ much more. It felt better and _fuck,_ Dean couldn’t even put it into words how much different sex with Cas was than anyone else he’d ever had sex with.

“Fuck… Cas,” Dean muttered, pulling his lips away from Cas’. “God, you drive me crazy, you know that?”

Cas nodded and smirked— _he_ _fucking_ _smirked_ —before running his fingers below the waistband of Dean’s pajama bottoms _._ “Should we lock the door?” he asked, though he obviously knew the answer just as well as Dean did.

“Yeah,” Dean answered, quickly rolling off of his boyfriend and practically sprinting over to the door. He considered turning on music to muffle any noises they’d indubitably make, but he thought it’d be too obvious that they were trying to hide something.

When he turned around, Cas was sitting on his bed in the middle of throwing his shirt off to the side of the bed. Dean smiled wider than he’d intended before walking the few feet back to the bed before straddling Castiel again. Cas looked up at him with wide eyes before scanning down Dean’s clothed chest, his fingers gliding down his sides to the hem of his shirt slowly; he pulled Dean’s shirt off once he reached the bottom of his shirt, throwing it in the same vicinity of his own shirt.

“We have to be really quiet, okay?” Dean said, dropping his lips down to Cas’ shoulder, sucking gently at a bruise that tainted his skin; it was faint, and frankly, Dean couldn’t be one-hundred percent sure if it were a hickey or a bruise left by Michael.

Cas nodded in agreement and bit down on his lip. Dean knew that it was extremely stupid for them to be doing this in the house with Dean’s father and little brother down—or possibly even up—stairs. Neither of them could really find a place within themselves to give a fuck, though. Later, they’d blame it on hormones or ‘heat of the moment’, but now, they just needed each other… more so than they normally did.

                “You don’t still hurt, do you?” Dean asked, pulling his lips away to brush his fingertip against one of the purple-blue bruises on Cas’ face, right below his left eye.

“N-Not as much,” Cas stuttered as Dean leaned in and pressed a kiss to the same bruise. “Just… gentle.”

Dean nodded, there was no other way he would consider doing this. There was no way in hell he’d hurt Cas any more than Michael already had. “Deal,” he responded, smiling and pressing the younger of them down and into the pillow that rested below them.

They tried to multi-task by making out, grinding against each other and ridding themselves of any excess clothing, but the first two tasks—mainly the second—kept getting in the way. Neither of them wanted to break contact with the other, even for a second. They both knew that the experience would be a hundred times more pleasurable if they were both naked, but they couldn’t seem to want to make it that far.

“Mmm…” Dean muttered, rolling his hips down into Cas once more. “F-fuck, stop,” he whispered, partially so no one would hear him and partially because he was beginning to lose the ability to speak. “Fuck, Cas, stop. I don’t wanna come like this.”

“Then how?” Cas asked, propping himself up on his elbows so that his face would be just mere inches from Dean’s. “Tell me… tell me what you want to do, Dean. Tell me how you want to come.” His voice was so damn deep and sexual, Dean thought that he might come just from that. He felt the heat in his stomach burn hotter and his hips stutter a little, as if they were moving without his permission. Dean moaned softly and crashed his lips against Cas’ again, kissing him deeply with all teeth and tongue. It was positively filthy, without even a hint of the chastity that once existed in their kisses.

“I want to fuck you,” Dean finally said as he pulled away from his boyfriend’s intoxicating lips. “I want to push you back on the bed and make you scream while I fuck your tight little ass,” Cas let out a small moan that was more of a gasp than anything, encouraging him to go on, “Fuck, baby… you have no idea how much I want you…”

Cas raked his fingers down Dean’s back, causing him to shiver slightly against Cas’ body. “Please…” the younger of them whispered. “Please…” he repeated, his voice filled with the same wanton need and lust.

“Please what?” Dean teased as he moved his fingers down Cas’ naked chest until he got to the hem of his bottoms. He wrapped his fingers gently along the waistband and pulled at them a tiny bit, enough for Cas to get that he wanted him to lean up for him to take them off.

“Please fuck me,” Cas nearly growled, trying to inch his way out of his pants. His erection was clear in the thin pants, and Dean was considering just torturing him like this a little more. He didn’t think something like this, drawing sex out so much that is, would turn him on so much, but _fuck,_ it did. “Dean, _now_ ,” Cas said, his voice a mix between a whisper and a moan. He moved his hands up to pull his own pants off, but Dean stopped him.

“You’re so impatient,” Dean muttered, leaning forward and kissing his neck gently. “Don’t worry… I’ll take care of you.” Dean smirked softly, hearing how Cas sighed and moved his fingers to the back of Dean’s pants, trying to at least remove his pants.

“Y-you’re the one who started this,” Cas muttered, trying to suppress a moan that was undoubtedly about to come out of his mouth as Dean nipped at a spot below his ear. “And if you don’t finish, I will,” he threatened semi-playfully and semi-seriously.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Dean joked, leaning down to kiss Cas’ lips again. “God, you’re so beautiful…” he muttered against Cas’ lips, rolling his hips down once more, causing them both to let out little gasps of pleasure. “And you’re all mine…” he muttered, accenting the _mine_ with a little nip to Cas’ lip.

Cas groaned softly and dug his nails into Dean’s shoulders. “Yours…” he whispered, moving one hand up to tangle into Dean’s short hair, giving it a short tug as Dean rolled his hips down yet again. “ _Fuck,”_ Cas cried out softly. It was a rare occasion that Castiel actually cursed, and when he did, it was surprising at how hot it was to Dean.

Dean knew that neither of them could last much longer, and even if they could, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He wanted to draw it out more, but he couldn’t bring himself to slow down. Dean slid down Castiel’s body enough to pull of the other boy’s pants in one, quick, motion, bringing his underwear down with him. The second Cas was naked, Dean moved off of him and pulled his own clothing off quickly. He wanted him, and he wanted him that very moment. He didn’t think he could wait another second even if he wanted to.

Soon, they were both naked, and Dean settled himself in between Cas’ legs. He looked down at his boyfriend beneath him, spread out and waiting for him with complete love and trust in his bright, blue, eyes. Dean smiled down at him and brought his fingers down to caress his still slightly bruised chest. “You know I love you, right?” Dean asked, feeling his heart swell a little—okay, a lot.

Cas smiled himself and sat up enough to caress Dean’s cheek gently. “I love you too,” he responded, pressing his forehead against Dean’s. “I’ll never stop loving you…”

They were both silent for a few moments, not even really looking at each other, not at the same time at least. It was the kind of intimacy Dean normally would avoid at all cost, but with Cas, it was the kind of intimacy he craved more than anything else in the world. “Your promise that, right?” Dean finally whispered. “You promise that even once you go off to college you won’t stop loving me?” He finally looked up into Castiel’s eyes. “Even when there are a hundred hot college boys who are ten times smarter than me… you promise?” Dean knew how needy and clingy he sounded, but honestly, he didn’t care. He just needed to hear it. Just once.

Castiel cupped the back of Dean’s neck and nodded his head gently. “I promise. I don’t want anyone but you. I promise…” Cas smiled softly and leaned in to press a kiss to Dean’s lips gently. “I only want you…”

Dean smiled softly and nodded gently along with Cas, kissing him back gently. “Ready?” Dean finally asked, moving his hand to rest at Cas’ side a little. Castiel nodded and Dean reached to the side to grab a condom and the lube that he kept in his nightstand for emergencies such as these.

As Cas laid back on the bed, Dean popped the lid off the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers, coating them thoroughly before he lowered his fingers to Cas’ entrance. Cas gasped softly and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, most likely to suppress a moan. “Remember to be quiet, yeah?” Dean said, waiting for Castiel to nod before he pressed the tip of his finger into Cas’ body slowly before thrusting it in completely.

The younger boy let out a small gasped and bit down on his lip, screwing his eyes shut tightly so that Dean could no longer look into his eyes. Dean pouted a bit and leaned down to kiss gently at Cas’ mouth. “Open your eyes,” he whispered, still thrusting his finger in and out of Cas. “I want to see your pretty eyes as I fuck you.”

Cas groaned softly and opened his eyes, looking up at Dean with pupils dilated with lust. “Hurry,” Cas managed to mutter, fucking himself down a little onto Dean’s single finger. “Please…”

Dean nodded and pressed a second finger into his boyfriend, scissoring his fingers slightly to get him used to the extra stretch before thrusting them all the way into his body. He could tell that Cas was trying his best to hold off a moan, and honestly, he was too. The heated feeling around his fingers as he thrust in and out of Cas, twisting his fingers to the side slightly to hit the bundle of nerves that made Cas writhe beneath him, mixed with just the pure sight of him was enough to make him want to fucking _come,_ much less moan.

“You’re so good, baby,” Dean whispered, leaning down to kiss Cas’ lips gently. “Taking my fingers without moaning and screaming like I know you want to…” he smiled and nipped gently at Cas bottom lip again, noticing how red they were becoming, but he was sure his looked just the same.

“Please…” Cas whispered, moving his hand up to move along Dean’s back again. “Dean, fuck me… _now,”_ he groaned, his hips stuttering upwards, looking for friction that wasn’t there.

“You’re so damn impatient, you know that?” Dean asked with a small laugh, finally adding a third finger and thrusting all three fingers into the brunet and curling them to the side again to brush against his prostate. Cas bit down on his lip yet again and let out another strangled, choked, almost silent moan. “You ready for me?” he asked, but by the way Cas was groaning and writhing beneath him, he was sure he was.

Castiel nodded quickly and took a shallow breath. “Yes,” he groaned. “ _Now.”_

Dean laughed softly and pulled his fingers out of his boyfriend’s body, causing him to moan at the loss. “Shhh,” Dean warned, leaning down and kissing up Cas’ chest gently. “You have to be quiet, baby.” He kissed Castiel’s chin softly and smiled up at his bright eyes, feeling his heart skip a few beats. “Okay?”

Cas pulled Dean up so that he could kiss him, pulling away after a few seconds so that he could nod. “I know, I know,” he whispered, clutching Dean’s shoulders.

Dean smiled and pecked his lips quickly before settling back in between Cas’ legs. The way he looked beneath him was just as beautiful as he’d looked the first time they’d been together like this; every second he looked at Cas, he felt his heart swell and beat faster and faster. Half the time he didn’t understand the way he felt about Cas… he didn’t understand how the hell he could look at someone and instantly thing, _he’s my future._

Cas was his future. He couldn’t imagine a time in his life in which Cas wasn’t in it. He wanted to be with Cas forever… hell, he _needed_ to be. He loved him that much. He couldn’t imagine a life without him, and honestly, he hoped he never had to.

Dean reached to the side and grabbed the condom, tearing it open quickly and slipping it on with ease before lubing himself up. He looked over to Cas, who was still staring at him with wide, lust-filled eyes, and clenching down onto the sheets below them. Dean let out a gentle sigh and started to press into his boyfriend’s entrance, watching the brunette as he bit down onto his lip yet again. Dean honestly didn’t know how either one of them had managed to be so quiet throughout the whole ordeal.

“Fuck,” Dean whispered before bottoming out and stilling inside of him. “Fuck… _fuck..._ Cas,” he muttered before dropping his head down onto Cas’ shoulder. He felt his boyfriend wrap his legs around his waist, his heels digging into his back; he loved it… feeling so extremely close to Cas, like they’d never be able to part after something as intimate and beautiful as that moment. “God, you’re so fucking tight,” he groaned, moving a hand over to one of Cas’, which was still grasping onto the bed, and entwining their fingers together.

Castiel responded with a low moan as he squeezed onto Dean’s fingers before moving their arms to a more comfortable position above his head. Dean nuzzled his nose into Cas’ neck and let out a small groan. “Can I move?” he asked, knowing that if he had to feel Cas’ heat around him again any longer that he’d come just from it alone.

“Yeah,” Castiel answered simply, nodding against Dean’s head. Dean pulled his head from Cas’ neck and leaned in, kissing his lips gently as he pulled out of his body and thrusted back in with one quick motion.

Cas reached his spare hand that wasn’t holding Dean’s up to wrap around the back of Dean’s neck and pulled him down a bit so that their foreheads rested against each other. Dean continued to fuck into Cas, leaning closer to him so that he could press his lips against Cas’. Surprisingly, it was a gentle enough kiss, neither of them willing to pull apart as Dean continued to thrust inside of him, hitting his prostate at almost each thrust.

With each thrust, Dean could feel the heat pooling in his stomach, but he didn’t want to let go, not yet, and he could tell Cas didn’t either. He wanted to stay like this forever with him, not ever having to leave the bed. He knew how unrealistic that was, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about _anything,_ at that point. All he cared about was that moment with the both of them.

Dean reached his spare hand in between their sweaty bodies to wrap around Cas’ cock, starting to jerk him off in time with each thrust into his body, trying his best not to moan out. He really hated the fact that they had to be so quiet, but he knew they didn’t really have another choice, unless they wanted someone to walk in on them.

Dean wasn’t sure how much longer he could last, even though he didn’t want it to end. Ever. If he could have stayed like this, being inside and so intimate with Cas, he would have forever. “C-Cas…” he muttered, finally pulling away from his lips gently. “Fuck, Cas… _God,_ you’re amazing…” he mumbled, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

Cas groaned and let his head fall back against the pillow for a moment before giving Dean a gentle push. “Stop…” he muttered, slightly out of breath.

“Wait… why? Did I hurt you?” Dean asked, panic setting in quickly as he pulled almost completely out of Castiel. Cas smiled at him and rolled them over so that he was on top of Dean, quickly lowering himself back down onto Dean’s cock. Dean let out a moan which he was almost positive the whole entire world heard, but he couldn’t find a place in his mind to care.

“Shh, we have to be quiet,” Cas said in a hushed tone, mimicking Dean voice with a smirk. Dean rolled his eyes and put his hands onto Cas’ waist, holding him tightly as Cas continuously fucked himself down onto Dean, his head falling back in complete ecstasy. Dean couldn’t think of a time in which he’d ever been more beautiful.

“Y-you’re a dick sometimes,” Dean muttered, his head falling back against the pillow. “ _Fuck.”_ It wasn’t long before Dean could feel the heat in his stomach start to let go and for himself to start to come. Looking up at Cas and seeing him lower himself down onto him over and over again, feeling the way his skin slapped against his own and just the pure _heat_ and fact that he was _inside_ of Cas, who was _riding_ him, was too much for him. He couldn’t hold out any longer; he was coming quickly inside of him.

Cas came right after him, biting down on his lip once again before letting out a strangled, gentle, moan. Dean looked up at Castiel and watched him as he came and eventually came down. Each time Dean looked at him, he felt himself fall a little bit more in love with him, and each time he thought it would be impossible to fall in love with him even more, but it wasn’t.

Cas pulled himself off of Dean and fell down onto the bed next to his boyfriend. Dean smiled over at him and wrapped his arms around him and kissing the side of his face. Neither of them said anything for a while, only laying in each other’s embrace’s and holding onto each other. Though eventually, Dean reached to the side and grabbed a few tissues and began to wipe off their chests and take off the condom, which he threw in the trash with the tissues.

After throwing them away, he rolled over onto Castiel’s chest and smiled at him again before burying his face into the crook of Cas’ neck. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s back and held him close to his body while his fingers drew gentle circles into the older boy’s back.

“I’m assuming we’ve made up,” Cas said, causing Dean to laugh and lean down to kiss his boyfriend gently. Castiel kissed him back and pulled him closer, holding onto him even tighter. “I’ll take that as a yes…” he muttered as Dean pulled away.

Dean nodded and chuckled softly, cuddling into Cas’ chest a bit more. “Yeah, we have,” he responded. “You know how much I love you, right?” he asked, moving into him even more and sighing happily against his skin.

“I do,” Castiel answered, rolling onto his side that Dean was facing, both the boys laying on their sides. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Dean’s nose gently with a smile on his face. “Goodnight, Dean.”

Dean smiled and curled into his boyfriend, not caring that they were both naked and still sticky with sweat and come. “Night, angel.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

“Prom is coming up,” Charlie said out of nowhere one day that next week as they ate their lunch at school. Dean rolled his eyes and continued to eat his sandwich without a second thought to the matter. Charlie, on the other hand, smiled a bit brighter and leaned across the table. “You two  _are_  going, aren’t you?”  

“No,” Dean answered instantly without bothering to look up at her. “Why would we?”

“Um, maybe because you two are like, the  _cutest_ couple at school and I think it’d be adorable—”

“Can you please stop talking?” Dean asked, looking up at Charlie from his sandwich. “I don’t do prom. End of story.”

“You went last year, though!” Charlie fought back, her pout becoming too much for Dean to handle. He had to hand it to the girl, she could pout her way into or out of anything.

“Yeah, well, I was forced to last year by a bitchy girlfriend who got knocked up by another guy while we were dating.” He looked over to Castiel and smiled a little before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Things are different now… So can we just let this go? Please?”

That should have been the end of it. Charlie slumped back in her seat, Jo laughed and wrapped her arms around Charlie, giving her a small  _you tried_ hug before going back to eating her own lunch, Ash talked about how he was going to go to prom wearing a bright orange tux and Cas leaned over and put his head on Dean’s shoulder. The rest of lunch went by without another thought to prom.

That is, until they left school.

“I didn’t realize you hated the idea of prom so much,” Castiel mentioned as they walked out of school and to the Impala so they could wait for Sam to get out of his Speech and Debate meeting… Which really meant they were going to make out in the backseat of the Impala.

Dean shrugged and slid into the backseat, Castiel straddling him as best he could in the cramped backseat. “Yeah, well, it’s really overhyped and I can’t dance worth a shit. And the music always sucks ass.”

“I think prom sounds enjoyable,” Cas responded, leaning in and kissing Dean’s lips gently. “And you think all music is horrible unless it’s your own.”

“Um, because it does,” Dean said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Cas rolled his eyes and Dean kissed him back before going on. “C’mon, you don’t really wanna go to prom, do you? You have to dress up in a monkey suit, dance around like an idiot in that smelly gym and… it all sucks. My ex-girlfriend dragged me last year and I  _hated_ it.”

“You may enjoy it more if you go with someone else,” Cas suggested, running his fingers up Dean’s button up shirt before slipping them under the hem and attaching his lips to Dean’s neck.

“W-wouldn’t you rather just stay home and do something that we both know is fun?” Dean asked, raising his brow suggestively. “Like have sex, for example.” Cas pulled his lips away from Dean’s neck and glared at his boyfriend. “Just a suggestion!” Dean defended himself, throwing his hands up in their air in defeat.

“We can have sex any day of the year. This is our last year of school together and I’ve never been to any kind of school function before. My uncle used to say that it would poison my mind.”

“So this is basically just you trying to break another one of your uncle’s insane rules?” Dean asked as he leaned back against the inside of the car door. “Because I’m pretty sure sleeping with me breaks about twelve rules right there.”

Cas slapped Dean on the arm semi-playfully and sighed. “You aren’t taking this seriously. I want to go, with or without you. I’m simply asking you to accompany me.”

Dean groaned and pulled the younger boy back down so that he could kiss him again. “Are you trying to guilt me into going to prom with you?”

Castiel smirked. “Is it working?” he asked, leaning down once again to brush against Dean’s lips.

Another groan and Dean flopped back—more painfully than expected—against the inside of the car door again. “Fine,” he started, already seeing the way Castiel’s smile brightened widely, and he began to get that happy, go-lucky, school girl glow that he got very seldomly when he get extremely excited. “But you owe me, Novak.”

Castiel simply nodded and wrapped his strong arms around Dean’s neck in a bear hug. “Thank you!” he exclaimed, pulling away to kiss Dean on the lips fervently and to smile at him with his golden, brighter than the sun smile. “I love you.”

Dean sighed and grimaced at the thought of corsages, tuxedos, slow-dancing and the school’s disgusting gymnasium. “Yeah, yeah, yeah… I love you back,” he grumbled, letting Cas crash into his lips again.

His last thought on the matter was about how whipped he was.

-0-

Dean was getting slightly excited at the idea of going to prom with Castiel, which scared the crap out of him; he blamed Charlie for the whole debacle. She’d gone ecstatic once she realized that the couple was going to prom together. She went on and on about how they were the only gay couple at school and how “monumentally monumental” this was and… then Dean stopped listening.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t all for gay rights, equality and all that jazz, but he just wasn’t as into it as Charlie or Castiel. He wasn’t even  _gay…_ not really, not completely. Other than the fact that he was in love and sleeping with— _frequently_  sleeping with—a guy who happened to be gay, but that was all a technicality. Nevertheless, he knew going to prom wouldn’t be easy for the two of them. Lawrence, Kansas wasn’t exactly San Francisco when it came to acceptance. He’d already had to threaten to beat the living shit out of half a dozen guys who thought it’d be a good idea to pick on him, or most commonly, Castiel.

Needless to say, none of those d-bags had bothered either of the boys since.

Regardless, he didn’t want there to be anything like that surrounding his boyfriend at prom. Even if he still wasn’t one-hundred percent excited about the whole thing, Castiel was for whatever reason. And being the good boyfriend that he tried to be, he planned to make sure no one ruined the night for Castiel.

So they rented their tuxes and he let Charlie color coordinate them and he even found himself smiling when he found out that Castiel had bought him a dark green pin-on corsage for his tux.

Once they arrived and walked indoors, Dean found himself groaning. “The music sucks,” he muttered, trying his best to block out whatever crap they were playing. It sounded like one of those crappy boy bands that one of Sam’s friends—Becky?—was constantly obsessing over.

“I knew you would say that,” Castiel muttered as he pulled Dean into the gymnasium and over to Charlie, who looked lovely as ever in a bright red dress that matched her hair. Dean hadn’t noticed how close Charlie and Cas had gotten until the whole prom thing started to rear its ugly head. It was nice, however. As much as Dean loved Cas and was happy to fulfill both the role as best and boyfriend, he was glad that Castiel was making other friends.

“You two look adorable,” Charlie cooed over them, wrapping her arms around Cas and Dean’s neck at once. Dean rolled his eyes and pushed back on her a little, mainly so that he could breathe.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” Dean yelled over the music and loud voices.  

Charlie pulled her arms away from them both and bounced up and down a little on her feet. “I wanna dance,” she said, looking around. “You two coming?”

“I don’t dance,” Dean said, shaking his head.

Cas opened his mouth to either reject or accept, but it didn’t matter. Charlie rolled her eyes and grabbed Cas’ hand and pulled him out to the dance floor. Dean smiled and leaned against the wall of the gym, watching as his boyfriend attempted to get a hang of… whatever the hell kind of dancing they were doing out there.

-0-

“I’ve never danced before!” Cas yelled over the music, trying to pull away from his friend—it was still such a foreign word to use on someone other than Dean—and get back to his boyfriend, but Charlie wouldn’t let go of his wrist.

“Come on!” she exclaimed, tugging him closer so that he wouldn’t leave. “It’s fun. No one cares what you look like. Just listen to the music and… move,” she instructed, grabbing both of his hands and starting to sway like a maniac.

Cas laughed at her and shook his head, attempting to move without looking as insane as she did, but after a while, he didn’t particularly care. It was the first time he’d really ever felt like a teenage in his life. He’d never been to any school function like this before, not even a ball game. Going to prom— _with friends and a date no less—_ was something he’d never imagine for himself. It was like he was on cloud-nine and he’d never come down.

Castiel and Charlie danced together for a few songs, both ending up looking like morons but neither necessarily caring, until a slow song came on. Cas saw all the couples group together and begin to wrap their arms around each other and start to sway together, but Dean was nowhere in sight. Cas sighed and let Charlie wrap her small arms around his waist and dance with him.

“Don’t worry,” she said with a smile, patting his back gently as they swayed throughout the song. “He’ll dance with you before the nights over.”

“How can you be so sure?” Cas asked, biting his bottom lip and looking down at his friend.

“Because if he doesn’t I’ll kick his ass.”

-0-

Dean stood to the side and watched all the maniacs—which apparently included his boyfriend—dance wildly in their tuxes and floor length dresses; it was humorous, really. When a slow song came on eventually, he had considered going over to Cas and dancing with him, but he chickened out. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to dance with him, because he did; it wasn’t even the whole “two guys dancing together at prom” thing, either; it was just…  _Cas._ He knew that Castiel had all these ginormous expectations for this stupid prom, and he didn’t want to ruin them by… well, being himself.

Cas looked like he was having fun, though. Charlie had danced with him for a long time until some girl came up to her and asked her to dance. From where Dean stood, she looked a bit hesitant, but after a few seconds Castiel pushed her off to join the girl who’d asked her to dance. Cas was alone on the dance floor—the basketball court, really—looking lonely once again. Dean sighed and made his way over to him, because what the hell kind of boyfriend would he be if he left him out their alone?

Dean made his way over to Castiel, who was still just sort of floating in the middle of the dance floor; he looked lost again. “C’mere,” Dean said as he approached him, “no one should frown like that at prom,” he paused and took his boyfriend’s hand. “Even if this place sucks…” he muttered under his breath.

“You don’t have to dance with me, Dean,” Castiel mumbled. Dean pulled him closer, twined their fingers together and started to sway with him so that they were kinda-sorta dancing, without really completely dancing. “Unless you want to, that is.”

Dean smiled and shrugged; he continued to sway with him, playing with his fingers in his hands. He never thought this would be a part of his senior year, but now that he was here, he didn’t really mind it that much. “I want to dance with you; even though I can’t dance, at all, like… whatsoever.”

“Neither can I,” Castiel responded. “I enjoy dancing, though; it’s like flying, I believe.” Dean tried his very best not to laugh at the younger boy, but he didn’t quite manage to suppress his laughter. Cas pouted and his face lit up with a bright red blush that made his even brighter blue eyes shine even more than normal. “Don’t laugh at me,” he whined.

Dean laughed and turned Cas around so his arms were around his waist and his chin was leaning on top of Castiel’s shoulder; he then took his hands again and twined their fingers once again. Admittedly, he really did love this part. Having Castiel’s back pressed against his chest like this felt so fucking right, like they could do this forever and not have to worry about another thing in the entire world.                                  

“I’m sorry,” Dean apologized, trying to keep the humor in his voice to a minimum. “It’s just, you’re really—”

“Let me guess,” Castiel cut him off. “Cute.”

Dean grinned wider and nodded, pulling Castiel closer and holding him tightly to his chest’ he held him like there was a chance of him leaving and never coming back if he let go.

“How do you ‘spose it’s like flying?” he asked, partially to humor Cas and partially because he actually wanted to know.

“You’re free,” he started out point-blankly. He tilted his head back to look Dean in the eye; Dean couldn’t help but to smile lovingly at him once he saw the way his eyes had that little sparkle in them. The only other time his eyes were like that—so happy and carefree—was when he talked about going to Yale. “You don’t have to worry about anyone or anything… It’s almost tranquil.”

Dean sighed a breath of contentedness; it was moments like these where his boyfriend would say something like that—simple yet poetically beautiful—and Dean would fall in love with him all over again.

“You’re kind of amazing. Did you know that?” Dean mused, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s nose gently.

“You’ve said as much,” Castiel responded.

They were quiet for the next few songs, not caring that they were swaying so slowly and sweetly together while everyone else danced erratically around them. All that mattered was that they were together.

-0-

Castiel didn’t realize just how much he was going to miss it in Lawrence until that night at prom. It was already a given that he was bound to miss Dean like crazy, an he’d even prepared himself to miss his boyfriend’s little family; he wasn’t expecting to miss anyone else, though. Especially Charlie. He had to say that outside of Dean, she had to be his best friend; he’d grown to adore her little quirks and odd personality. But there was also Jo, who at first Castiel didn’t like—mainly because he was almost one-hundred percent sure that she had a crush on Dean—but eventually he grew to love her. He even found himself liking Ash, and that was what bewildered him the most.

He’d never had friends before; his uncle had always told him that friends were unnecessary and that all he needed was his family. He hadn’t realized what utter bullshit this had been until he’d met and eventually fallen in love with Dean. He loved his friends almost as much as he loved Dean, which was a  _very_ high bar to meet.

Eventually, the two boys stopped swaying together and joined their friends. Castiel knew that he was probably making a fool out of himself, but he had a hard time caring. He didn’t think anyone cared anyways; everyone looked like an idiot at prom. Dean told him that it was a proven fact, but wasn’t sure he believed him or not. Either way, it was true in the case of his friends. Charlie wasn’t as much dancing as she was flailing about aimlessly, Jo was sort of just twirling around in her dark green dress and Ash… he was just kind of grinding against the air with his arms moving around him in a wild manner. Cas wasn’t sure, but he thought he may have been drunk. It was amusing though, to say the least.

Another slow song came on and Castiel felt a weird tingly sensation in his stomach. Dean smiled at him and wrapped his arm around Cas’ waist with one hand and locked their fingers together with his other hand. “So, are you happy we came?” Dean asked with a twinge of something Castiel assumed was sarcasm.

He nodded. “Very. Aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Dean responded as his fingers drew random patterns into the jacket of Cas’ tux. “Thanks for dragging me along. I was miserable as fucking hell last year, but this year it’s different. I’m actually having a lot of fun.”

Castiel smiled and nuzzled his face into Dean’s neck; he pressed a gentle kiss to his skin before pulling him even closer to his chest. He’d never slow danced with someone before that night, and he could honestly say that it was one of his favorite things in the world to do. He didn’t want to stop; if he had the option, he and Dean would’ve done this all night. He didn’t want this night—hell, this school year—to ever end.

They continued to slow dance together until the song ended, and when it did, Cas pulled his kips from Dean’s neck so he could look him in the eye. Dean was smiling at him with a soft, loving smile that made Cas’ heart to flip-flops. He couldn’t help himself from leaning in and pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.

Dean made a small humming noise and chuckled against Cas’ lips softly. “You know, most people end up in the hotel down the street after prom, right?”

Cas blinked at Dean innocently after pulling his lips away. “I don’t see why. Don’t they have a home to go to afterwards?”

Dean laughed and shook his head, pressing another gentle kiss to Castiel’s lips. “No, they go to… well, they go to have sex, basically.”

Castiel cocked his head to the side and stared at Dean blankly. He was still confused as to why they felt the need to go to a hotel just to have sex. “I find that ridiculous,” Castiel stated. “Why don’t they just go home?”

“Because most teenagers don’t live together like we do, Cas,” Dean answered. “I dunno, I guess it’s just more fun to do it and not have to worry about getting walked in by parents or siblings. And admit it, it’s kind of hard to have sex in a car.”

Castiel nodded. He did have to admit, the few times he and Dean had tried to have sex in his Impala it had been cramped and not as comfortable as he’d wished. Plus, Dean was always paranoid about getting his car dirty. “Are you asking me to get a hotel room with you, then?” Castiel asked, snaking his arm around Dean’s back.

“I guess I am,” Dean said with a cheeky smile. “That is, if you want to, of course.”

Castiel nodded and leaned in to press a kiss to Dean’s cheek gently. “Of course I want to.”

-0-

They left prom a little earlier than their friend’s had, but then again, most people left early, most likely to do the same thing that they were doing. The ride to the hotel was mainly spent in silence, besides the sound of the car radio playing softly. Castiel couldn’t help but to smile softly to himself at… at everything. He was still in awe of what his life had become, but he loved it.

Dean checked them into the hotel before they headed upstairs. Once they got inside Castiel took a look around the room. It was nice…  _very_ nice; it appeared to be expensive as well, which made Castiel’s stomach curl with guilt. “Can you afford this?” he asked Dean once they were inside.

Dean shrugged a little and pulled off the jacket of his tuxedo, laying it out against an arm chair next to him. “It’s not too bad. I’ve been saving up some money for a rainy day, anyways.”  

Castiel cocked his head to the side and blinked a few times in confusion. “It’s not raining, Dean,” he pointed out.

Dean laughed and walked towards Cas, helping him out of his suit jacket and laying it down on top of his own. “It’s an expression, Cas,” he informed him. “I’ve had some money set aside for something special, I guess.” He shrugged and placed his hands on Castiel’s hips softly. “And… well, you’re special.”

Castiel smiled softly and leaned up to press his lips to Dean’s. He could feel Dean smiling into the kiss, which made him only want to kiss him back even more. Dean had tightened his grip on Castiel’s waist, holding him tightly and pulling him slightly towards his body. Castiel shivered momentarily; he wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to the way Dean made him feel when they were like this together. He instantly got butterflies in his stomach and the feeling that his whole entire body would cave in on itself. It drove him crazy yet enticed him all at the same time.

Dean pushed Castiel back towards the bed so that they both fell backwards onto it. Dean pulled away from Castiel’s lips momentarily, just long enough for him to smile down at him. “It’s nice to be able to do this without worrying about Sammy or my dad walking in,” he observed, leaning down to kiss Castiel’s neck gently.

“I agree,” Castiel responded breathily, closing his eyes and just feeling the way Dean’s lips pressed against his skin. “I wish we could be intimate like this more often.”

Dean pulled away once again, this time to look into Castiel’s eyes. “We will one day,” he responded like it was the most sure thing in the world; like he was saying something he was one-hundred percent sure of, even though Castiel was sure he wasn’t. He, himself, wasn’t sure of it. “One day we’ll have our own place… just me and you.”

All Castiel could do was nod and let himself be sucked into the fantasy of a one-hundred percent guaranteed happily ever after with Dean. “And a cat,” he added after a moment with a playful smile.

Dean rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to Castiel’s lips. “No cat.”

Castiel chuckled softly and wrapped his arms around chest, hugging him tightly to his body. “Shut up and continue kissing me,” he murmured as he felt Dean’s lips ghost against his skin.

Dean nodded softly and pressed his lips yet again to Castiel’s. Castiel was quick to let his tongue enter Dean’s mouth and collide with his boyfriend’s. He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on Dean, letting every sensation Dean gave him wash over his body. That is until his stomach decided to growl, reminding him that he hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast.

Dean sat up a little and looked down at his boyfriend. “Hungry?”

“No,” Castiel lied, attempting to pull Dean back down to kiss him again. Dean laughed and rolled off of Castiel. “Where are you going?” he asked with a pout, sitting up on the bed as he watched Dean reach across the bed for the phone.

“I’m ordering a pizza,” Dean answered, grabbing the phone book as well. “I’m hungry, too.”

Castiel sighed and moved over to Dean, sitting up on his knees and wrapping his arms around Dean’s shoulders. “We’ll eat later,” he started, pressing a gentle kiss to Dean’s ear before begging to kiss down to his neck. “You can’t be  _that_ hungry.”

Dean turned and looked at Castiel with a look that was a mix of confusion and offense. “We’ve been dating for how long and you still feel the need to ask me that?” he asked incredulously.

Castiel sighed and put his chin on Dean’s shoulder. “You make a good point,” he observed. “Fine, but as soon as we finish eating—”

“Believe me, I’m not leaving this room without having thoroughly fucked you on at least three pieces of furniture,” Dean cut him off with a wink.

Castiel laughed softly and leaned in to press a kiss to Dean’s cheek. “I can agree to that.”

Dean smiled and leaned into Castiel’s arms. “What kind of pizza do you want?”

-0-

“Dude, you can’t be serious!”

“Is it that big of a surprise? You’re aware that my uncle rarely allowed us to watch any type of movie.”

“Yeah… but…  _Star Trek!_  It’s not just a movie. It is—or was—a T.V. show, and movies and—Hey, stop laughing at me!” Dean leaned over and gave Castiel’s shoulder a light shove from where he sat straddled on Dean’s legs with the pizza box opened in front of them. “Seriously, you have to watch them. All of them.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and grabbed another slice of pizza. “You’ve already made me watch about a dozen movies because ‘I had to’. What’s so special about Star Trek?” 

“It hasn’t been a dozen!” Dean defended himself with a pout. “And… it’s just… it’s fucking awesome. Captain Kirk is such a badass, and Spock is fucking awesome.” He paused a moment and laughed softly to himself. “You kind of remind me of Spock, actually.”

“How so?”

“I dunno. Because you’re smart and you always seem to make the right choices. You always try to see the logical part of things; I know you do.” Dean shrugged a little and dropped his crust into the now empty pizza box before wrapping his arms around Castiel’s waist. “I can’t do that.”

Castiel moved the pizza box to the floor and adjusted himself so that he was laying with his head on Dean’s chest. “Why do you say that?” he asked.

Dean shrugged a little and moved his hand to play with the messy mop of hair atop of Castiel’s head. “I leap before I look… you know that. I don’t think about things. I just do them. No matter what the consequence.” He sighed a little and pulled Castiel a little closer to him. “Usually means I end up doing something stupid and fucking something up…”

Castiel frowned and leaned up to press a kiss to Dean’s lips softly and in comfort. “Don’t say that about yourself.”

“Why not? It’s true,” Dean muttered against Castiel’s lips. “I’m just glad I haven’t fucked things up with you yet.”

“You won’t,” Castiel answered within a second of Dean’s finishing his sentence. “Neither of us will.” He gave Dean a soft smile and pressed a kiss to the corner of his lips gently.

Dean finally smiled back and rubbed his hand across Castiel’s back softly. “We’re kind of perfect for each other, ya know?” he responded after a few minutes.

Castiel nodded and put his head on Dean’s chest. “I believe we are.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter. Like, really short. Oopsie.

The day of graduation was spent tensely between Dean and Castiel; both boys knew that they only had so much time left together before September and honestly, Dean didn’t even want to think about thinking about what they were going to do about the whole thing. Every time Castiel brought it up he just changed the subject… usually by making out with him, but it got the job done. He just couldn’t bear the thought of them being away from each other.

He really wasn’t sure at what point he’d turned into a girl whilst dating Castiel.

The ride to school was spent in silence. Dean held Cas’ hand as he drove and tired not to think about the fact that this would be the last time he’d be driving his boyfriend to school.

“Just because we’re graduating doesn’t mean I’m leaving right away,” Cas finally broke the silence as they almost arrived at the school. “We still have summer break.”

Dean sighed and gave Castiel’s fingers a small squeeze. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“You always say that,” Cas muttered with a hint of frustration in his deep voice. “We are going to have to talk about this eventually, Dean, and you’re not helping the situation by simply ignoring it.”

“I’m not ignoring it,” Dean answered too quickly. “And I said that I don’t want to talk about it, so can we just… not?” he asked, but he didn’t wait for a response. He turned the radio up on full blast and hoped that it would be a clear sign that he wasn’t talking about this now. It wasn’t. Castiel sighed and turned the radio off; Dean hated that Castiel knew he was the only one who could get away with that without getting half their teeth knocked out. “C’mon, Cas…”

“I’m leaving in September and we still haven’t talked about if you’re coming with me, or if you’re staying here.” Castiel huffed in frustration and crossed his arms in anger. “Dean, I don’t even know if we’re even staying together or not—”

“We aren’t breaking up, Cas!” Dean snapped. He didn’t mean to be so harsh with him, but he couldn’t think about them breaking up. Not today. Not ever. “Can we just… wait? We’re graduating today, your birthday is in a week and mine isn’t long after. Can’t we just be happy together for a while?”

Cas sighed and nodded his head before taking his hand away from Dean and looking out the window. “Fine,” he muttered. “But you’re not getting out of this conversation. You know as well as I do that we need to talk about this.”

Dean instantly missed the feeling of Cas’ hand in his. He put his spare hand on the wheel and bit down on his bottom lip. “I know, I know,” he turned the radio back up, “just not now.”

Castiel was utterly and completely silent for the rest of the ride.

-0-

Castiel had never been to a graduation before and now that he had, he could say that he honestly hated them. They were long and exhausting; and seeing his last name started with N and Dean’s started with W, it took them both forever to be called up to get their diplomas considering there were over eight-hundred kids at their school. The whole time he couldn’t help but to think about their conversation in the car. He knew his boyfriend well— _very_ well—and he knew that even if Dean said they’d talk about their future, he’d put it off as long as he possibly could.

He told himself to try and forget for now, but he couldn’t. It was constantly on his mind and he just couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was like this nagging, awful, horrible problem that constantly followed him around and forced him to want to confront it.

The graduation ceremony was over after three way too long hours. When Castiel had gotten up to get his diploma he scanned the crowd for any of his family. None of them had shown up. But then he looked to the side and saw Dean, smiling at him and giving him a thumbs up; even if they were sort of still fighting and Castiel was sort of still mad at him, he couldn’t help but to smile back at his boyfriend.

After graduation Dean’s father took the two graduates, and Sam, out to dinner. It was slightly awkward, seeing Dean and Cas weren’t really on speaking terms completely, but they made do. At some point during dinner Dean reached under the table and put his hand on Cas’ leg, palm up as an invitation for him to hold his hand. Castiel slid his hand under the table and took Dean’s hand and continued to eat.

This was the way they fought. They’d stop speaking to each other for a few hours, but eventually one would take the other’s hand or put their head on the other’s lap as a sign saying ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘let’s just stop fighting’. Things never really got resolved, but neither of them cared.

“So, Cas,” John started out as they ate, after a long enough time had gone in silence. “Are you excited to go off to college? You’ve only got, what, a few months left here ‘til you ship off?”

Castiel didn’t understand why his father had said ‘ship off’ considering he wouldn’t be going by boat anywhere, but he answered the question anyways. “I’m excited, yes,” he answered. “Though I’m going to need to find a job over the summer so I can make some extra money.” He shrugged a little and took another bite of his pasta. “I highly doubt anyone would hire me, though.”

“Why do you say that?” Sam asked from where he sat next to John, across the table from him.

Castiel huffed a little in laughter. “I’ve never had a job before, I don’t have a driver’s license, and I have horrible people skills. I don’t think that’s what an employer is looking for in hiring someone.”

“You could always come work with me, Dean and Bobby,” John offered. “I know Dean’s been showing you the works of some of the cars, and I know you’re pretty smart when it comes to the math things; you could always work the books and answer the phones. Anythin’ to make a little extra money.” John gave Castiel a sideways smile and nodded at him a little. “Hell, you’re practically one of my boys; it’d be wrong of me not to offer you the same thing I offer them.”

Castiel smiled and looked over to Dean, who was smiling equally as wide. “Yes, sir. I’d love that,” he answered. “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t mention it, son.”

Castiel smiled and looked over to Dean again; he didn’t care that not only a few seconds ago had he been mad at him, he wasn’t now. The idea of spending all summer working with Dean made him so happy that he could barely contain himself. Dean leaned in and pecked Cas’ lips gently. “Let’s just hope there’s no policy against dating co-workers,” Dean joked against his lips.  

Castiel laughed and leaned into Dean’s side; he could barely hold back his happiness. If they hadn’t been in public he would’ve screamed so loudly and excitedly that he’d wake up the whole neighborhood. Instead he just nuzzled into his boyfriend’s side and held onto his hand tightly. “Thank you,” he repeated to John, even though he’d told him not to mention it.

John just gave him a smile and nodded his head again.

-0-

The rest of dinner was spent in mostly a happy, joyful silence; any trace of their fight was over. By the time  were all over each other, just holding each other’s hands, pressing kissed to one another’s cheeks and just generally holding onto each other like there was no tomorrow. Every once and a while Sam would roll his eyes or make playful gagging noises; it was sort of an ongoing thing. Every time Cas or Dean would start to get touchy-feely with each other or start kissing, Sam would do this, which usually egged them on. It was all in good fun, and honestly, all three of them liked it.

“You two going home?” John asked as they all walked out to their respective cars after dinner.

“Where else would we go?” Castiel asked, his brow raised a little.

John laughed softly and Sam rolled his eyes. Dean took Cas’ hand and gave it a small squeeze. “C’mon, Cas,” Dean said as he pulled him over to his car. They watched as Sam and John got into John’s truck and pulled out of the parking lot before Dean pressed Castiel up against the car and kissed him.

Castiel made a low humming noise deep down in his throat as Dean kissed him and he soon wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders. “Hmm,” Cas whispered as Dean pulled his lips away after a few moments. He pressed his forehead against his boyfriend’s and smiled softly. “So, we’re working together now.”

“Mhm,” Dean answered softly, letting his hands rest gently at Cas’ waist. “Just don’t distract me while I’m trying to work.”

Castiel laughed and leaned in to press a kiss against Dean’s lips. “We both know it would not be me distracting you; it would likely be the other way around.”

Dean rolled his eyes and pressed another kiss to Castiel’s lips. This time the kiss lasted longer than a simple peck; it was long and sweet, chaste while still being passionate. Once they did finally pull away, Dean opened the passenger seat door next to them and moved away from Cas to let him get in. “You wanna get a motel room for tonight?” he asked with a grin on his face.

Cas blinked a few times and it finally dawned on him what Dean’s father had insinuated earlier. He blushed softly and nodded before getting inside the car. “Yeah,” he answered softly.

Dean smiled and walked around to the driver’s side before driving off to the nearest motel.

-0-

The motel room was cheap in both cheap in price and quality, but neither of the boys cared. It took them approximately five minutes to check in, get inside their room and end up in bed together. The bed was rough and not at all as comfortable as their bed at home, or the hotel’s bed they’d had sex in after prom, but they didn’t care. They had all night and neither of them could find a place to care about the small details of the room.

They made love slow on the old, creaky, mattress that night; over and over again until they could barely move without aching in every way imaginable. Afterwards they clung onto each other and just stared at each other, not speaking or doing anything to break what felt like the very last sacred moment they shared among one another. They were afraid that if they let go of each other that they might not ever see one another again; and neither of them could stand that idea. They both knew that school was over, and summer would be over sooner then they knew it, and then Cas would be gone and Dena didn’t know what he was going to do.  

Dean tried to ignore it whilst Castiel tried to reason it out, but in the end it didn’t matter. They both knew that in the end they’d have to make some sort of big decision about them, and big decisions weren’t either of their strong suits. This decision was one neither of them were willing, nor ready, to make. Sometimes they felt like it was a decision they’d never be able to make. But the cold, hard, truth was that eventually they’d have to talk it out, no matter what the outcome was.

It was the outcome they were most afraid of, and they knew that the outcome would be what made or broke them. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how long this took. I've been writing my Johnlock fics, and also I'm lazy. I really don't know what else to say, so yeah, enjoy and hopefully it won't take me another month to update. Who knows with me.

The months leading up to September nineteenth, the day Castiel had to leave for Yale, were spent doing normal summer things. They worked together at the Bobby's car garage, they went to the beach and hung out with their friends; both could say that it was probably the best time of their lives. They loved being together and being with their friends, and to his own surprise, Castiel really enjoyed working at the car garage. He learned a lot, and even though Dean teased him about it, he really loved learning.

They thought they would be okay, seeing how summer had been. They never talked about it, but both of them just assumed they'd be okay. It was good enough for Dean at this point, considering he _really_ didn't want to get into another fight with Castiel. Fighting usually made sex come to a complete halt and he definitely wasn't okay with that happening.

Too soon it was September. The few months leading up to it had gone by in a flash, just as they thought it would. Neither of them were ready to realize that it was time to grow up and have a civil conversation about them. It was too difficult. They wanted to continue to live in their perfect little dream world that they'd conjured up, no matter how unrealistic it was.

Dean blamed most of it on himself. He was the one that had wanted to put it off for so long, even when Castiel had so clearly wanted to talk about it. He knew they had to, he just didn't know how.

None of it became completely real for Dean until Sammy had suggested throwing Castiel a going away party. When he had suggested it Dean just sort of stared at him with wide eyes; they'd pushed it to the back of their minds for so long that Dean had been surprised at the very thought of Castiel going away anywhere. Dean had eventually given in to giving his boyfriend a going away party, as long as he didn't have to plan it.

As it turned out, Charlie and Sam got together to plan it together. It turned out to be half a going away party and half a Dean's eighteenth birthday party on the eighteenth, a day before Castiel had to leave. Dean had told his brother and friends not to make it a big deal, but with Charlie in the equation there was no way of that happening.

-0-

The day of the party came sooner than either thought it would. Sam had already gone back to school, his sophomore year, Jo already started at the community college down the road while she helped out at her mom's bar, Ash was due to go to MIT in a few days and Charlie was leaving in a few weeks seeing she'd gotten a job working at Google, and in a day Castiel would be at Yale. Dean was the only one who wasn't getting any sort of change. He was working at Bobby's garage full-time now, and wasn't planning on going to college anytime soon, or ever, for that matter.

Dean woke up with his head on Castiel's bare chest. He smiled softly and nuzzled his nose into the now-seventeen year old's neck; he loved waking up like this. For about five minutes he laid there with his sleeping boyfriend, not making a noise or barely even breathing in attempt to let him sleep as long as he wanted to.

Eventually, though, Castiel woke up. He yawned and Dean laughed at the way his nose crinkled up like it so often did when he yawned. Dean leaned up to press a gentle kiss to Cas' cheek and hug onto him a little bit. "Morning, sleeping beauty," Dean greeted with a smile.

Castiel grinned softly in return and moved a little bit closer to his boyfriend. "Good morning, Dean," he responded. "Happy birthday."

Dean laughed softly and pressed a kiss to Cas' shoulder. "Thanks," he answered gently. "Please tell me you didn't get me anything."

Cas shook his head and rolled over so he was on top of Dean. "I believe me not getting you anything for your birthday would make me a horrible boyfriend," he said before pressing a kiss to Dean's cheek. "And I wanted to get you something."

Dean huffed as he looked up into Cas' eyes. "Why?"

"To give you something to remember me by."

Dean smiled softly and leaned up to press a kiss to Castiel's lips. "Like I could ever forget you."

"Please don't," Castiel muttered as he nuzzled his nose against Dean's neck. "I don't believe I could live knowing you'd forgotten about me."

"Cas—"

"Do you want to go downstairs?" Castiel cut him off, pulling his face away from Dean's neck to look him in the eye. "Your father said he was going to attempt to make you favorite for breakfast."

Dean looked up into his boyfriend's blue eyes for a few moments before responding. He knew how scared Castiel was about this whole thing. Dean would be too if he had to move across the country to go to college… but he knew Castiel could do it. He was strong… stronger than Dean. "Sure," he finally answered softly. As he answered he pulled Cas' almost completely naked body closer to his own and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Do you?"

Castiel shrugged, reaching down to take Dean's hand and entwine it with his atop Dean's chest. "I supposed we should; our friends should be here around ten."

Dean nodded and leaned up to kiss Castiel once more, gently and chaste, before he sat up. Castiel rolled off of him and plopped back down to his side of the bed. Dean sighed softly and reached his hand out to his boyfriend. "Do you want to take a shower first?" he asked with a little wink.

Cas smiled softly and took Dean's hand. "Yes, I'd like that."

-0-

Dean hated birthday parties; he always had ever since he was five and realized his mother wouldn't be able to throw him a party, make him a birthday pie, along with all the normal mom things that moms do for their kid's birthday parties. His dad always tried his best, but he never got it quite right. By the time Dean turned eight he asked his dad to stop with the parties. John gladly complied and agreed to just buy Dean gifts. But this party was different. It wasn't even really _his_ party; it was Castiel's. The only reason they were throwing his going away party on Dean's birthday was because it was convenient for everyone's schedule. The only way Castiel would agree with it was if they promise to throw Dean a birthday party as well. Castiel had been so damn excited about Dean's birthday that the older boy didn't have the heart to tell his boyfriend about his deep hatred for parties.

Instead he smiled as he sat next to Cas at the table where there were presents for both him and Castiel; a birthday pie—that was Dean's only condition, no cake, just pie—and a multitude of their friends waiting for them to open them. All in all, Dean couldn't really complain. Castiel looked happy… and that made Dean happy.

That didn't mean he wanted to be there, though. There was a million other ways he'd like to spend his last day with Castiel—most involving them being in bed—but this was _definitely_ not one of them. But like the good boyfriend he tried to be, he smiled and held Cas' hand while trying his best not to show how miserable he really was.

He couldn't believe that today was their last day together until who knew when. The thought hit him again and he frowned, feeling a sickening pain curl up in his gut at the thought of Cas being gone. He put his head on Castiel's shoulder and squeezed his hand tighter; when he closed his eyes he was able to pretend that his boyfriend wasn't going away.

Castiel smiled down at Dean and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Are you having fun?" he asked Dean, pulling their entwined hands closer to them, playing with his fingers gently.

"Yeah," Dean lied as he nuzzled into Cas' neck a little bit.

"You don't seem like it," Castiel observed. Dean silently cursed the other boy for always knowing when he was lying. It was like a gift or something, he thought.

"I… am. I just—" he paused and bit his lip momentarily before pressing a gentle kiss to Dean's cheek. "Let's talk later. I don't want to with people around."

Castiel nodded and squeezed Dean's fingers a little bit. "We still haven't done that… Had _the talk_ , I mean."

Dean knew that. _Of course,_ he knew that. It was all he tried not to think about but ended up having his mind constantly fogged by it. "I know," he answered in a soft mutter against Cas' neck. "I just… I don't want to have to, ya know?"

Castiel sighed gently and pressed a kiss to Dean's head yet again. "I'm going to get something to drink," he said, changing the subject quite obviously but without any objection from Dean. "Do you want anything?"

Dean shook his head and pulled his hand away from Castiel. "Nah," he answered quietly. Cas nodded and stood up. Dean bit his bottom lip and looked away as the younger boy walked away. This whole thing was making him hate parties even more.

Eventually, it was Charlie who decided that they had to open presents after Castiel got back with a bottle of water in his hand. Dean rolled his eyes and pulled Cas down into his lap. He didn't even like the present aspect of parties. "Fine," he muttered as he wrapped his arms around Cas' waist and pulled him closer to his chest. "But Cas goes first."

Cas turned around enough to look Dean in the eye. "It's your birthday; you should go first," he tried, but Dean shook his head.

"If it's my birthday then I should be able to decide who opens their crap first, and I'm choosing you," he grumbled, knowing that Castiel was smart enough to just to give in and open his first. Dean thought that Cas didn't want to open them just as much as he didn't want to open his own, but their friends had insisted on getting Cas college-related presents.

"Fine," Cas muttered as he reached for the present nearest to him. Dean smiled and hugged onto him tighter, wanting to remember being like this with him for as long as he could.

It didn't take long for all the presents, both Dean and Cas', to be opened. They were all simple gifts. Sam had gotten Castiel a book he'd been talking about for the last few weeks; Charlie got Dean a box set of all the _Star Trek_ movies on DVD; Jo got Cas a nice coffee maker, telling him that even though he didn't like coffee very much that once he started classes he'd _definitely_ need it; and Ash got Dean a MIT key chain. The only gifts that were left were the ones they'd planned to give to each other, but they chose to do that in private later.

Altogether, the party wasn't horrible. Dean thought he would've hated it, but he was wrong. Obviously, it wasn't his first choice of how to spend his birthday/last day he had with Cas, but that didn't mean he hated it. Castiel had looked happy throughout the day, which was really all Dean really cared about.

-0-

The day was almost over; it'd gone by way too fast and neither of them could exactly keep track of the day. Before they knew it, dinner was over and they were outside, laying out in the grass and staring up at the stars.

"Dean…" Castiel finally broke the silence that had been lingering uncomfortably in the air.

"Hm?"

"We need to talk, don't we?" he asked softly, looking into his boyfriend's green eyes. He noticed the way Dean sighed and squeezed them shut tightly before opening them again and looking at him with wide, pleading eyes. Castiel could see that Dean had just realized there was no way of getting out of any of this. They had to talk, and they had to talk right then and there.

"Yeah," he muttered softly, sitting up and facing Castiel. "Do you want to start?"

Cas shrugged and sat up as well. "If you want me to," he answered. He was silent for a few moments as he tried to think about how to put everything that he wanted to ask him into words, but nothing came to mind, so he just blurted out the first thing he could think of. "Do you want to come with me?"

Dean was silent. He looked at Castiel for a few seconds before looking down into the green grass. Castiel felt like he'd just asked him to marry him or something just as life changing; there was this sickening pit deep in his stomach that he couldn't get rid of, and it was driving him crazy. "Cas…" Dean whispered, not making eye-contact with his boyfriend, "I-I… it's too late."

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked, not noticing the urgency in his deep voice.

"You're leaving early tomorrow morning. You can't expect me to pack everything up and just ride off into the sunset with you at this point," Dean clarified, still refusing to look up at Castiel. He continued to run his fingers through the cool grass.

"If you would have let me talk to you about this earlier then we wouldn't be in this situation," Castiel muttered, looking away from the figure of his boyfriend. "And you can come later. You don't have to pack up and leave tonight, Dean."

"I was just… afraid, okay?"

"Afraid of what?" Castiel nearly snapped at him.

"Afraid of how you'd react when I told you that I couldn't go off to New Haven with you!" Dean shot back. "Afraid of what you'd say when I told you that I can't leave Lawrence!"

It was then that they're eyes met. It was like a simultaneous realization of what they'd both knew all along but pushed down deep and ignored. It was why Castiel had hid his acceptance letter from Dean in the first place and probably the reason Dean had put off the conversation until the day before Cas' leaving. Dean was staying and Cas was leaving.

"You don't have to come immediately," Castiel repeated. "You can stay here for a little while a-and… and you can save up enough money to come out to Yale with me," he smiled the fakest smile he'd ever smiled and took Dean's hand half-heartedly, "and we can get an apartment together and live together and… and—"

"I need to stay here, Cas," Dean answered. "I can't just leave my dad. Lord knows Sam's gonna get out of here as soon as he can. Hell, you know how the kid's heart has been set on Stanford… Dad's only got three years with the both of us left, and then Sam's gonna leave and I can't leave him alone."

Castiel felt as if someone had stabbed him in the chest. "So what am I supposed to do?" he asked, his voice cracking softly. "Go off to a state I've never been to before and start a new life? I can't do this without you, Dean!"

"This isn't me breaking up with you, Cas," Dean tried to calm him down, squeezing onto his hand. "I'm just… I'm telling you the truth. I can't leave my dad here alone. He needs me…"

"Right," Castiel muttered, pulling his hand away from Dean and standing up. He started to walk away from Dean, but his boyfriend caught up and grabbed onto his arm.

"Where the hell are you going?" he asked, worry evident in his voice.

Castiel turned around to face Dean. The older boy looked frantic and confused, but Cas assumed he looked about the same. "A walk," he answered as calmly as possible.

"No, you're not. You're the one who wanted to talk about this in the first place, so let's do it, let's talk about this," Dean all but grumbled, still clutching onto Castiel's shoulder.

Cas pulled his arm away from Dean's and gave him a humorless chuckle. He felt like he was close to tears, ready to burst out into ugly sobs at any second, but he refused to let even a single tear fall. "What the hell is there to talk about Dean?" he snapped. "You're staying, I'm leaving. You chose your family over me. I get it."

"Do you?" Dean yelled, causing Cas to jump slightly. "Because I don't think you do. You don't know what it's like, Cas! I can't just leave him here! He'll be alone, and I won't… I can't just leave and go off with you when I know my dad is here, alone. Sammy and I are all he has."

"What about me?" Cas whispered, blinking back tears. "You're all I have, Dean… My family kicked me out. I don't _have_ a family anymore, Dean. All I have is you, and I thought you were my family. You… you said you'd take me away one day, and now I'm asking you too. So please… Just _come with me."_

Dean bit his bottom lip and shook his head before looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry, baby… I just… I can't."

Castiel felt his heart drop out of his chest. He felt as if at any moment he could break out into sobs or get sick. He knew what was coming and he knew that there was no way around any of this. "Don't call me that," he whispered.

"What?" Dean asked softly, looking up at Castiel with just as much heartbreak apparent on his face as Castiel felt inside.

"Don't call me that anymore," Castiel repeated, looking into Dean's green eyes. "Don't… don't call me _anything_ anymore. I… This isn't going to work."

"What-what do you…? Cas… are you breaking up with me?" Dean asked frantically. He shook his head and reached out to grab his boyfriend's shoulders. "No, Cas, listen to me, you can't break up with me. Come on, angel… please. People have long-distance relationships all the time. J-just because I can't move up there with you doesn't mean I won't come visit. A-and you can come see me… please just, don't break up with me. Please, Cas…"

Cas shook his head and sniffled softly, pulling away from Dean. "I'm going to get my things and spend the night with Charlie until I have to leave tomorrow," he whispered. "I'm sorry Dean, but… but this won't work. I can't be with you… Not like this."

"Why not?" Dean screamed, loudly enough for the entire neighborhood to hear. "You-you can't just break up with me over this! This-this is stupid!"

"Stop it!" Castiel shouted back, walking backwards away from Dean. "Stop-stop pretending that this is about you leaving your family! This is about you being scared of leaving what's safe to you! This is about you being too much of a coward to leave and make a new life for yourself!" Castiel shook his head and shook his head to ward off the tears that were attempting to make their way out of his eyes. "You're not committed enough to me… us… to leave, to come and live with me; I can't be with you like that."

Dean's expression was a mixture of heartbreak and anger. Cas knew that he'd hit a nerve there for Dean, but before he could respond he turned around and started to run inside the house. He ran past Sam who was standing at the door, most likely having heard the entire thing, and up to Dean's room, locking the door behind him. He didn't have a lot of belongings; he only had one suitcase, his book bag from school, a duffle bag and the box he used to keep under his bed in his old house. He gathered them quickly, rushing downstairs. It was like he was on autopilot. None of his moves were really his own; they were all made out of some sort of heartbroken adrenaline rush.

"Where the hell are you going?" Dean yelled in a chocked voice once Castiel was in the living room. There were tears falling down the other boy's face, but Castiel could let himself give in and wipe them away.

"I told you; I'm going to Charlie's, and then I'm leaving. And you're staying. I was under the impression that this conversation was over," he answered, walking out the door as quickly as he could whilst carrying all his things. It wasn't easy and honestly he wasn't sure how he was managing to do it, but he was. "I texted Charlie when I was upstairs and told her to come get me," he muttered, trying his hardest to keep his tears from escaping. He didn't want to cry. He _hated_ crying.

"Fine!" Dean yelled, following Castiel out the door. "You know what, just… just _fucking_ leave. Just… _leave_ and never fucking come back!"

Castiel had never been so relieved to see Charlie's yellow car in his life. He thought if he had to wait for her to get here any longer he would have broken down and started to sob. "Goodbye Dean," he whispered, before walking towards his friend's car. Charlie started to get out but Cas shook his head as he opened her back seat and threw his things in. "I'll miss you," he said, turning around to face him once more. It dawned on him that this could be the very last time he'd see him, the person he loved more than anything in the entire world. For a second he regretted everything. He wanted to run to him and wrap his arms around him and beg him to either come with him or let him stay, but he couldn't.

Castiel refused to stay in a small town such as this, even for Dean. He loved him, but he had to get out. He'd always dreamed of college, and he was finally there. There was no way in hell he was giving it all up now, and there was also no way in hell that Dean would come with him. They were at a stalemate and neither of them were willing to give an inch.

Breaking up was there only real choice, and even though it didn't feel like it, Castiel knew it was the right choice. At least, he thought it was. But there was no going back now. Dean had turned around and walked back into the house, slamming the door behind him before Cas could say anything else.

"What the hell was that?" Charlie asked as Castiel got into the car.

Cas looked down into his lap as the first tear of what he was sure would be many fall from his eye. "We just broke up," he whispered.

" _You what?"_ she screamed, loud and shrill, almost enough to burst someone's ear drums.

"We just broke up," he repeated, turning to look his best friend in the eye with a sniffle. "And I don't wish to talk about it… So please, just drive."

The ride to Charlie's house was extremely short. He could have easily walked, but he didn't want to carry all his things with him. Once they were inside Charlie got him settled in her parent's spare bedroom. He gave her a sad smile and thanked her for picking him up. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and told him that if he needed to talk she'd be in her room. All he'd done was nod and get into bed.

It was the first time in months he'd slept in a bed alone. Another tear slipped from his eye as he reached out onto the right side of the bed, which was always Dean's. He bit down on his lip and buried his face in the pillow. He hated this. He hated that Dean refused to come with him. He hated that they'd broken up. He hated that he was alone again. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed with him and have him hold him until he could no longer feel any kind of pain, but he couldn't. Even compared to the pain that Michael had inflicted on him so many months, this felt so much worse. That pain faded within days, this pain he knew would stick with him for what felt like forever.

He laid in bed for about an hour without being able to sleep at all. Eventually he got out of bed and walked over to his belongings. His gaze fell upon his box. He told himself not to open in now, knowing what its contents were, but he couldn't help himself. He picked up the small shoe box and placed it in his lap and looked through it.

There were his college pamphlets, the acceptance letter to Yale, the notes he and Dean had passed in class, their pictures and… and small box. He raised his brow at in, not seeing it before in his life. Out of curiosity he opened up the small box. Inside of it was a necklace with a thick, silver, chain. It wasn't fancy or anything, but yet it was perfect. He examined it thoroughly before realizing it had an inscription.

_I love you, angel._

It was simple and probably took him all of two seconds to think of but it was also so _Dean._ Cas sniffled softly and wiped his eyes before clutching the necklace close to his heart. He hadn't really cried until then. Not really. It was only then when he let himself cry and realize that things with Dean were over. Maybe even forever.


	17. Chapter 17

_Two Years Later._

            “You’re coming to the party tonight, right?”

Castiel groaned as he attempted to read a section in his Applied Physic textbook, which was proving to be nearly impossible with his best friend hanging over his shoulder every second. He opened his mouth to respond, but she cut him off, which was a normal occurrence that he wasn’t sure why he wasn’t used to yet.

“And before you say no, you have to remember that you _promised_ you’d got to at least one party with me before the semester was over.” She gave him her famous pouty face and plopped down on top of his book, which conveniently was sat on his lap. “Come on? Pretty please?”

Castiel sighed and pushed her off of his laugh and onto his bed. “Fine,” he answered. “But when I fail physics, it’s on you.”

Anna rolled her eyes and sat up. “Oh please, you have a GPA of 3.9, which is higher than any sophomore I’ve ever met.”

“I’m attempting to get a 4.0, which is practically impossible with you constantly dragging me to every single party you want to go to,” he countered, pushing her back down onto his bed gently.

“Come on! We’re in college! What’s the point of studying all this time if we can’t have a little fun? Come on! When’s the last time you got laid?” she asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Shut up,” he muttered before getting up and walking towards his closet. He didn’t have to look at her to know she was rolling her eyes.

“It’s been over a year. You were drunk and you didn’t even enjoy it.” She stood up and walked over to Castiel’s closet with her arms crossed across her chest in a ‘you know I’m right’ type of fashion.

Castiel turned around to shoot a glare at her before turning back to look inside his closet again. “What should I wear?”

“Why do you ask me? You always end up bitching about what I tell you to wear anyways,” she sassed him.

“Because whenever I choose something to wear, you make me change into something else. I decided to cut out the middle man today,” he said, leaning against the wall. “Now shut up and pick something out for me.”

Anna rolled her eyes yet again and looked inside of Castiel’s closet. “I really need to take you shopping,” she muttered under her breath. “What’s the point in having a gay best friend if he has _horrible_ taste in clothes?”

Cas flicked her shoulder gently and sighed. “It’s hard to have good taste in clothes when you make next to no money. I’ve been living off of ramen noodles for the past two years; new clothing is the least of my worries.”

Anna sighed and pulled out a pair of jeans she’d bought him for Christmas and the shirt she’d got him for his birthday last year. “Here,” she thrust the clothes into his hands before walking over to his bed again. “These are the only clothes you have that actually look any good, anyways.”

Cas sighed and pulled his shirt off and chucked it at her. “You really suck, you know that?” he grumbled.  

Anna smiled and threw the shirt back at him. “Shut up, you should look good tonight. Ya never know. Prince Charming could be at the ball tonight.”

Castiel turned to look at her with a clearly unamused expression. “You do realize we’re going to a college party, right? I highly doubt this so called ‘Prince Charming’ will show up at a party where everyone will be doing body shots off of each other and having sex on the pool tables.”

Anna rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. “Hey, I’m just saying you might meet someone nice there. I mean, you haven’t dated anyone since—”

“I know who my last boyfriend was, okay?” he cut her off, managing to wiggle his way into the jeans she’d chose for him. “I don’t need a reminder.”

“Fine, but you do need to move on,” she challenged, standing up and walking over to him. She sighed and put a gentle hand on his arm. “Look, I know you really loved him, but you have to move on eventually…”

“Anna, stop it,” he said, biting down on his lip. “I have moved on. I’m happy now. I like Yale, and I like New Haven and I like being independent. I know I was a wreck when I first moved up here… But I’m fine now. Really. I promise.” He gave her a half-assed smile and put his arm on her shoulder. “My life is an epitome of laughter and happiness.  

“Really…” she deadpanned, moving her hand up to run across the necklace he was wearing. “And that’s why you wear this all the time. Hell, you even sleep in this thing.”

“I… do not,” Castiel mumbled, turning away from her. “I take it off sometimes.”

“Um, hello, we live together, you dumbass; I notice things, like the fact you never take that thing off—” he attempted to cut her off, but she continued to talk, “—I don’t think I’ve ever seen you without it.” She walked around so that she was facing him. “I know the story behind that thing, and I think it’s what’s holding you back from moving on.”

“Anna, that’s stupid. It’s just a necklace. It’s not holding me back from anything,” Cas tried to reason, but there was really no use with her. She was by far the most headstrong person Castiel had ever come into contact with. Almost.

“Hand it over.” She held her hand out and wiggled her fingers. “You’re going to the party without it on.”

“What? No way!” Castiel argued, holding onto the necklace, mainly because he was afraid she’d rip it off of him.

“I’m not throwing it away or anything,” she promised, “I’ll put it right over there on your dresser. You can put it back on the second you get home.”

Castiel looked over at his dresser and back to the girl in front of him. He sighed softly and reached around his neck to undo the clasp. “Fine, here,” he conceded, placing it in her hand. “But it better be here when I get back.”

“Don’t worry, it will be!” Anna said with a wide smile as she started to walk out of Cas’ room to go get ready for the party. “Come on, don’t look so down! Tonight is going to be _perfect!”_

Cas sighed and looked over to the dresser where his necklace laid. “I hope you’re right.”

-0-

Castiel’s previous idea of the party was about right; everyone seemed to be drunk, the music was too loud, and people were making out or practically having sex in every nook and cranny of the party. Of course, it wasn’t the first party like this that Anna had dragged him to in two years they’d known each other, but that didn’t make anything better. He hated going out like this. He would have much rather have stayed home and finished his school work, read or _anything_ other than be surrounded by a bunch of intoxicated college students.

“Loosen up!” Anna had yelled to him at some point, handing him a red cup filled with what he assumed to be cheap beer. “You look miserable.”

“Wonder why,” Castiel muttered under his breath as he took a sip of liquid. It was disgusting, but he knew that he’d continue to get Anna’s famous bitch-face if he didn’t at least sip at it occasionally. “Anna, I hate these parties. Why couldn’t you just come alone?”

“This isn’t about me, this is about you!” she yelled over the loud music. “Go out there and dance or something! Have fun, meet someone, get laid, _something!”_ She smiled and leaned up to press a kiss to Castiel’s cheek. “I will if you will.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and took another small drink of the beer. He grimaced and sighed before responding. “You always leave these things with someone. It’s a wonder you haven’t gotten pregnant or contracted something yet.”

And there was that bitch-face. “Ignoring that,” she grumbled before walking out to the mass group of bodies dancing in a drunken manner together. “Remember what I said!” she shouted over to him with a glimmer in her eye.

Castiel sighed and sat down at one of the seats near the island countertop, which was doubling as a bar. He looked at his watch: nine o’clock. _Great,_ he thought, knowing that the only way he’d get out of here was if _a)_ Anna left with someone and let Cas off the hook; _b)_ Anna didn’t go home with anyone and they stayed until she was so drunk that he physically had to carry her out of the party; or _c)_ he went home with someone. He was leaning towards the first one, but even then, he didn’t have a clue when that would happen.

He knew that Anna thought that taking him out to these parties would help him open up or move on—which he _had_ —but she was wrong. All they did was either give him a hangover or a headache. Usually both.

“Is this seat taken?”

Castiel looked over to the voice beside him. There stood a tall man, a little older than him with blue eyes and a smile that made his stomach flutter a little; as he smiled at Castiel, he instantly noticed how charming the man was.

“Uh… No. No. Not at all,” he answered, shaking his head a little too enthusiastically. He tried to go over all the normal social protocols he’d learned ever since attending Yale, but he went blank. He wasn’t as bad as he was as a teenager, but he was still horribly socially awkward.

“Good,” the man said and sat down, a beer in his hand. “Hello.”

“H-hi,” Castiel responded, turning to look at the man again. He was still smiling at him charmingly and Cas couldn’t control his thoughts or the way he felt a tiny bit giddy. Anna must have put something in his drink… Right?

“You don’t appear to be having too much fun,” the man observed, laughing softly to himself. All Castiel did was shake his head and take another sip of the beer he was drinking. “Well, if it helps at all, neither am I.”

“Why not?” Castiel asked, finding himself curious for some unknown reason.

“Well, for one, the music is fucking horrible, and I’m only here because a friend of mine dragged me along with her.”

Castiel laughed and nodded. “Yeah, I know the feeling. That’s the only reason I’m here.” He turned his gaze to look behind him, seeing Anna was already dancing with some random guy he’d never seen before. “I don’t really like these kind of things.”

“They aren’t too bad, but this particular party…” the man looked around and shook his head, “it’s—”

“Kind of a dump,” Castiel finished his sentence, and the both of them laughed. Castiel genuinely smiled and looked over at the man again. “My name is Castiel.”

“Zachary,” he responded, sticking his hand out to take Castiel’s in greeting. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“Likewise,” Castiel said, smile still intact, giving his hand a shake.

“Can I get you a drink?” Zachary asked as he finally let Castiel’s hand go, gently, almost as if he didn’t want to let it go.

Castiel almost said no, because he already had a drink, but then he’d remembered something Anna had told him; when you go out to a party and a cute boy offers to get you a drink, ninety nine point ninety nine percent of the time, it means he likes you. Castiel bit his bottom lip and admitted to himself that yes, Zachary was very cute, and liking him wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Of course, it wasn’t the first time someone had hit on him at a party—according to Anna he was “hot as hell”—but he’d never wanted to act on it. Until now.

“Uh, sure. Thank you,” he answered with a smile and a nod.

Zachary shot him another smile before standing up and walking over to get him a drink. Castiel quickly finished off his beer and threw the cup to the side where a large amount of other cups were conjugating. Suddenly, he was sort of glad he’d came to the party.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so apparently when I went to update chapter 18 (Lord knows how long ago) it didn't upload right? So it's been forever since I've updated, but I'm putting two chapters up, so that's a plus... right? No? Oh. Oops.

            Dean looked around at the old, run down, house that was barely even standing. The roof looked as if it could cave in at any moment, the floors were old and giving way, and the walls had suffered so much weather damage that they were practically pieces of paper. Yet, he loved the place. He always had. Ever since he was younger he’d been infatuated with the house, and always wanted to live there. Now, that was a reality.

“I can’t believe you’re actually rebuilding this damn house,” Sam muttered as he looked down at the blueprints in front of them. “I don’t see what you love about this place so much anyways.” Sam looked away from the blueprints and over to the fire place and down the floor. “It’s kind of disgusting.”

“Hey, this place holds some pretty awesome memories for me,” Dean responded, looking around with a small sigh of nostalgia. “Really awesome.”

Sam sighed and handed the blue-prints over to Dean. “If you say so. I never knew that you wanted to actually build a house. What the hell are you going to do with it if it’s ever finished?”

“Live in it, what else, Sherlock?” Dean grumbled. “It’s like… a bucket list sort of thing. I always liked that lake, and I always liked this house, and it took me two freaking years to save up enough money to buy this place—”

“I still can’t believe Dad let you use your college fund for this place,” Sam cut him off.

“It’s not like I’m going to college, anyways,” Dean retorted. “Plus, this place is going to be fucking _awesome_ by the time I’m done with it.”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam said, nodding his head. “But as of now, I gotta get out of here. It’s dusty as hell in here.”

Dean rolled his eyes and followed Sam outside, where there Dad was. “You’re such a girl.”

“So,” John interrupted his sons’ conversation, well aware that they were just bickering back and forth. “You glad you finally got this place?” he asked with a smile.

“Hell yeah,” Dean said with a smile, leaning against his Dad’s truck. “It only cost me an arm and a leg, but I don’t regret it for a minute.”

“I hope not, it’s all you’ve been talking about ever since…”

John stopped talking, Sam looked to the side, and Dean bit his lip and looked down to the grass beneath him. He’d made his Dad and Sam promise not to bring up Castiel for the last two years, and for the most part, it hadn’t been that hard for them to abide by.

“I-uh, yeah. I gotta go,” Sam blurt out after a moment. “Jess and I are going to the movies.”

“Yeah, have fun,” Dean responded, still looking down at his feet.

Sam nodded and walked away to the car his father had gotten him for his sixteenth birthday—even though Dean had bitched about the fact that Sam got a car when he was sixteen and he had to wait till he was almost eighteen, he’d been the one that had given his father the final two-hundred dollars to pay off the car Sam had had his eye on for so long—before taking off.

“Dean…”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Dad,” Dean cut him off, unrolling the rough draft of the blueprints he’d drawn out.

“You sure you wanna go through with this, boy?” John asked with his brow raised. “I know this place was always important to you and—”

“Dad…”

“—Cas. Can’t see why, though, but don’t think I didn’t know ‘bout how the two of you would cut school and come down here.” Dean blushed—in the manliest way possible, of course—and looked down to his feet while his dad went on. “And I know how you’d planned on building that dream house of yours for you and him.”

Dean sighed and looked out to the house that was now his; the house was where he and Cas had their first time, the lake behind it was where they’d had their first kiss… the place was swimming in memories of the boy—man, really—he was still in love with. “What’s your point?”

“My point is, do you really think it’s a smart idea to build this place just as Cas envisioned? Do you really want to have to explain to whoever the hell you end up with that you built this place based on your ex-boyfriend’s dream house?” His father had good reason, and Dean knew it. John sighed and clapped a hand over his eldest son’s shoulder. “I just don’t want you to do something you’re going to regret later, son.”

“I promised him,” Dean muttered before looking back up to his dad. “And if you only taught me one thing, it was to never break a promise,” he paused and tried his best to push back all the things he was feeling—the things he’d never stopped feeling—and to recompose himself. “Can we not talk about this?” he asked, hoping his dad wouldn’t hear how scratchy his voice was becoming. “I know Cas and I are over. I’ve known that ever since he left, but this… this is just something I have to do.” He bit his lip and felt all the memories of the days they’d cut school to come to the run-down house, or the days they’d swim in the lake together, or how sometimes they’d lean against the Impala and look up at the stars. It all belonged in a disgusting, cheesy, romance novel.

“Maybe I’ll sell the place,” he continued. “Yeah. I’ll fix it up and make it really freakin’ awesome and sell it to some idiot who’s willing to pay twice of what it’s worth,” he assured his dad in the most unassuming voice he’d probably ever used.

John sighed in defeat and nodded. “Right. Whatever the case is, know that I’ll help you along in the process; whatever you need, just come and ask. Lord knows you can’t build a whole damn house all by yourself.”

Dean nodded solemnly and looked down to his feet once again. “I never intended to.”

-0-

Construction on the house went slower than Dean had hoped, but then again, he couldn’t expect much more. It was only him, his father, Sam occasionally, Bobby and a few guys he worked with at the garage working on the house. Mostly Dean. He’d always had a knack for building things, and for that he was grateful for. He had no idea how long it would take him to build the house, but either way, he was building it. Even if it killed him, he was building the damn house.

His father and Sam continuously told him that he needed to do something other than work on the house and work at the garage, but he didn’t listen. No matter how many times Sam tried to set him up with one of his friends’ older sisters—and older brother in one case—he’d just told him that he didn’t have time to date. And really, he didn’t. But it wasn’t just that. He didn’t want to date. He didn’t want to be in another relationship that would just eventually end after a few months. He settled for meaningless one-night stands with people whose names he’d forget in the morning.

And he was fine with that. Really, he was. No matter how many times Sam told him he was acting off, or how many times his Dad questioned him about what the hell he was doing, he really did think he was fine, for the most part. Sure, he felt lonely sometimes… more often than not, actually, but that was all irrelevant. He’d been happy once, and he’d blown it; he didn’t think he’d get a second chance at something like that again, and if he did, he wasn’t sure he’d take it.

-0-

_Dean felt as if his heart had been pulled out of his chest and tossed out to be danced on. He opened the room to his door, ignoring Sam who was yelling at him to “open the door and talk about this”, and let his eyes fall to the bed. It was still unmade from the previous night that he and Cas had slept in it. He sunk down on it and heard it creak gently with him._

_He fell back on the bed and ignored the soft hiss of pain he felt from the bruises Cas had left on his shoulders, again, from the night before. He wanted to pinch himself and make himself believe that it was all a horrible nightmare and that any second he’d wake up to his boyfriend against his chest. He wanted to believe that Castiel hadn’t just broken up with him and that there was no way in hell that he and Cas were_ over. _They couldn’t be over. Things that made you feel so amazing—like how Castiel had made Dean feel—weren’t things that were allowed to come to an end like this. He didn’t want to believe any of it._

_Eventually, Sam stopped knocking and everything was silent. The silence was deafening. Every single memory in the room was screaming at him to ponder upon it. He refused to, he didn’t want to remember anything about the goddamn room or who he had shared it with. He wanted it all to be over; he wanted the memories of Cas completely out of his head so he could stop hurting so damn much._

_Why didn’t Cas just understand? Dean couldn’t just up and leave his home, his family… his entire life had always been there. He couldn’t do it; he loved Castiel more than he ever, but he physically could not leave his home. It made his so damn angry that Cas didn’t just get it. He knew that Castiel was in love with him; he definitely told him enough… more than enough. Why couldn’t he work on this with Dean?_

_It didn’t take him long to figure out why. It was because Castiel—even beyond his social awkwardness and lack of knowledge on social protocol—was smart as hell; he knew that a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work between them. Everyone in the world knew that long-distance things never work out. Dean thought that maybe they could make it work. Somehow, he’d convinced himself that it would work out between them. A small part of him just assumed that one day they’d end up together, and that Castiel wasn’t just a high school fling or some twisted form of summer love._

_For a few months he had turned into a total girl; he let himself believe that they were soul mates and they were meant to be together forever. But what did he expect? For them to hold hands and ride off into the sunset?_

_He didn’t want to think about it. Thinking about it hurt to the point he thought he might die. He didn’t know how he would get through it. He and Cas had been positively inseparable almost from the day they met. They ate together, went to work together, slept together… hell, they even showered together. Sam had joked that eventually they were going to morph into one single person. Dean was beginning to believe that maybe they had, and that’s why it hurt so much._

_After a while he was tired of moping on his bed. He hadn’t cried yet and he really wasn’t planning on crying anytime soon, if at all, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t a mess. He got out of bed and trudged over to his dresser to pull out a pair of pajama bottoms. As he opened the door he saw what he assumed to be the single item Castiel had left behind: his trench coat._

_Dean felt his heart break even more the second he laid eyes on the ratty old thing. Even after he’d bought new clothes, Castiel still kept that dirty trench coat; he said that it was his favorite article of clothing he owned. Now it was here, and Dean didn’t know what to do. He felt his eyes and throat burning with what he knew was tears and a sob ready to break away from where he was keeping them hidden away, but he refused to let them out._

_He pulled the tattered coat out of where it was carefully folded in its drawer before sniffling softly. He bit his bottom lip—_ hard— _before slipping it on. It smelled like Cas. Like Dean’s shampoo and coconut because for some_ damn _reason Castiel always insisted on using that damn, girly smelling, body wash. Dean felt himself starting to shiver for some reason, which made no sense because the damn coat was hot as hell. He felt like he was going to cry, puke and scream all at the same time; it was honestly the worst feeling he’d ever felt in his life._

_He flopped back down on the bed after that. He wanted to close his eyes and fall asleep so he could wake up from this horrible nightmare. He didn’t want to believe that this whole stupid break up was real._

_He shifted onto his side so he was laying on Castiel’s side of the bed, and as he did, he felt something pressing into his leg. It took him a few moments to realize it was coming from the trench coat’s pockets, and he reached inside to see what the hell it was._

_It was a black box with his name on it. Slowly, he realized it was his birthday present and that Cas had must’ve meant to give it to him before he left him. He opened it with his eyes shut, not daring to open them once he opened the box completely._

_It was a watch. Actually, it was a very expensive watch that Dean had wanted for quite some time but never told anyone but Cas, and that was just because the guy wouldn’t leave him alone until he told him what he wanted for his birthday. He felt himself scream, but didn’t really realize he did it. He threw the watch and the box across the room before pulling off the stupid, ugly trench coat and sending it in a similar direction._

_He hated this. He hated that they broke up and that Castiel had spent what little money he had on a stupid watch that Dean wanted just because it was shiny and he thought it was cool looking. He hated himself for mentioning it to Cas. He hated that the trench coat and watch were the only two things he had left of Castiel other than a million memories that he couldn’t bring himself to remember._

_And he hated that he couldn’t hate Cas for breaking up with him._

_That was the worst._


	19. Chapter 19

“So, what’s his name?” Anna asked as Castiel came through the door late one night. Anna was bouncing around like a rabbit in apparent anticipation.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Castiel answered nonchalantly as he walked pass the giddy red-head into their shared kitchen. “I was at the library.”

“Who the hell dresses up like that to go to the damn library?” Anna asked, motioning at Castiel, who admittedly, was dressed rather nicely. “You’ve been out with whoever the hell this guy is at least four times!” She ducked under Cas’ arm where he was standing at the refrigerator to face her friend. “Now tell me, what the hell is his name?”

“I’m not ‘going out’ with—” Castiel started until Anna crossed her arms and began to glare at her best friend. Castiel groaned and rolled his eyes. “Fine. His name is Zachary.”

Anna smiled wildly at the mere mention of Zachary’s name. “Oh my God!” she chirped in over-excitement. “Is he nice? Is he cute? Have you kissed him yet? Is he your boyfriend? Is—”

“Anna!” Calm down.” He sighed and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. He took a long drink in attempt to buy himself more time before he answered. “Yes, he’s nice. Yes, he’s _very_ cute. Yes, I have kissed him… well, he kissed me, but I kissed him back—”

“And, is he your boyfriend?” Anna asked with a wide smile on her face. She was more excited about this whole thing than Castiel was.

Cas shrugged his shoulders as he leaned back against the kitchen counter. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully, because honestly, he didn’t have a damn idea. “He’s sweet, cute, and funny…”

“But?”

“But… I haven’t been in a relationship for a _really_ long time and…” he cleared his throat and shook his head, “well, we both know how well that ended.” He thought about the memory for a moment but pushed it way away in his head. “I really like Zach. He makes me feel… happy. And I haven’t been happy in a _really_ long time.”

“So what?” Anna asked, leaning against the counter, next to her friend. As annoying as she could be, she definitely did care; that was why Castiel loved her so much.

“So…” Another sigh followed by him shaking his head. “So I really don’t want to screw this up. I like him. A lot. And I know we’ve only been on four dates, but he asked me out again, and…” Castiel bit his bottom lip to stop him from continuing to ramble on like he was. “Do you think I’m moving too fast?”

“I thought moving fast was kind of your thing. I mean, you and Dean started dating within a week of knowing each other. You told him you loved him like a month later…”

Castiel looked down at his feet. “I was sixteen,” he muttered, not that it made much of a difference, but he felt the need to mention it. “I was young and stupid. Everything in our relationship was fast. Maybe that’s why we broke up…”

Anna sighed and wrapped her arm around Cas’ shoulder, giving him an odd, sideways, hug. “You two broke up because you were leaving and he was staying,” she pointed out. Castiel was silent for a few moments as he leaned into Anna’s hug. She took that as a cue to go on. “And this isn’t about you and Dean. Not really. There’s a difference in dating when you’re in high school and when you’re in college, or any other time in your life.”

He finally looked over at her with curious eyes. “Is there?” he muttered. He hated talking about dating. He’d hated the mere idea of dating, honestly.

“Of course there is,” Anna said with a small, reassuring, smile. “When you’re dating in high school it’s all flowers, puppies, rainbows, and sneaking around to get laid and not get caught.” Castiel thought a second. He wouldn’t exactly describe his relationship as ‘flowers, puppies and rainbows’ but he thought he knew what Anna was talking about. For the most part. “But when you’re in college… I don’t know. Things get more serious. You start thinking about your future a lot more.”

“Future?”

“Yeah, your future. Like, what you’re going to do for a living, marriage, kids… that kind of stuff,” she clarified. “Do you want any of that?”

“I don’t know,” he answered with a sigh, too quickly. He didn’t want to bother thinking about any of that now. The sixteen year old version of himself had always envision himself with Dean, living in a white house with forest green shudders, with a porch with a swing on it that they’d sit on every night. But he wasn’t sixteen anymore. He knew that none of that was a reality. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted it to be a reality anymore. “Maybe one day, I guess,” he finally answered after pondering the question a while. “Do you?”

Anna nodded and hooked her chin up onto Castiel’s shoulder. “‘Course I do. I think most people do; everyone wants to be able to come home to that one special person that they love more than anyone in the world.”

Castiel sighed and shrugged. Anna went on. “So what are you going to do about Zachary?” Anna asked, her voice serious.

Castiel shrugged and pulled away from his friend. “He asked me out again Thursday. I’ll go out with him then and… and I’ll ask him what we are exactly.”

Anna smiled and nodded in agreement. “Sounds like a plan.” She smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek before leaving the room.

Castiel went back to his room and stopped as he stood next to his bed. On the bedside table, was the necklace Dean gave him; the same one he’d worn every day until the night of the party about a week ago. He picked it up, opened the drawer of the table, dropped it in and closed it without a second thought.

-0-

Dinner with Zachary was always fun; he always smiled when he was with him. Zachary was probably one of the nicest people—besides Anna—that he’d met whilst attending Yale. He was fun, flirty, sarcastic, to a funny extent, and just… _amazing_. Castiel didn’t think anyone could make him feel like this again, but he was wrong.

“I wish you’d let me pay at least once,” Castiel muttered into his glass of way too expensive wine that, legally, he shouldn’t have been drinking. “I’m not _completely_ broke, you know.” It was a lie. He was completely broke, but he didn’t want Zachary thinking that.

Zachary smiled and reached over to cover Castiel’s spare hand with his own. Cas shivered slightly and downed what was left of his wine. “Believe it or not, I do enjoy taking you out and buying you dinner every once and a while,” Zachary paused to laugh softly as he ran the pad of his thumb along Cas’ hand, “And, if I do say so myself, it’s a hell of a lot better than ramen noodles every night.”

Castiel groaned and rolled his eyes. “I shouldn’t have ever told you that,” he said through his laughter. They both smiled for a moment as they looked into each other’s eyes. It was… romantic. Very, extremely, undeniably romantic and Castiel was starting to get that damn shiver again. “What are we doing?” he blurted out after a moment.

“Holding hands… eating dinner… whatever suits you the best,” Zachary answered with a quirk of his brow.

“I meant… _us._ What are _we_ doing?” Castiel asked, well aware that he hadn’t elaborated very far. He sighed and placed his other hand over Zachary’s. “I mean,” he took a short, deep breath before blurting out the rest of the question, “are we dating?”

Zachary was silent for a minute and looked Castiel over as if he were studying him. “Do you think we’re dating?”

“I asked you,” Castiel muttered, causing Zachary to laugh. His stomach did a turn and he began to feel slightly, if not extremely, embarrassed.

“I guess you did,” he answered with the same version of the smile he had on his face the night they met. “Well, if it were solely up to me, I’d say yes: we are. I like you, Cas. I find you to be one of the kindest, sweetest, and most adorably naïve people I’ve ever met,” he paused a moment and gave Cas’ hand a small squeeze. “And obviously, you’re extremely attractive.”

Castiel blushed softly and looked down at their hands. “Yeah, you too,” he answered. He knew that it wasn’t really a proper response to what Zachary had said to him, but he couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“So that settles it,” Zachary said as if he’d just solved the biggest case on the face of the earth.

Castiel looked up to face him, only to see he was smiling widely again. “Settles what?”

“We’re dating, if you like that.”

Castiel smiled and laughed softly and did something he really didn’t plan on doing. He leaned over the table and kissed Zachary without a second thought to anything, or anyone, else in the world.

He’d only kissed Zachary once before. After their second date, Zachary had dropped him off at his apartment complex and walked him up to his room. He told Zachary what a great time he’d had with him, and Zachary responded by leaning in and pecking his lips gently. Castiel hadn’t known what hit him at the time, but within a few moments he kissed back just as chastely.

This kiss was different. It still remained semi-chaste, seeing they were in a public restaurant and already getting a few odd looks, but this time Castiel initiated it, and involved just the faintest bit of tongue. He didn’t pull away until a few seconds, but eventually, he did. He smiled softly and Zachary before sitting back in his seat and chuckling.

Zachary smiled back at him and took his hand once again as they almost instantly drummed up a new conversation to talk about.

-0-

Zachary drove Castiel home and walked him up to his apartment as usual. This time, as they walked up, Zachary slipped his fingers in between Cas’. Zachary’s hand felt weird in his hand. It was soft and smooth opposed to how Dean’s hand had been calloused and rough. It was odd. Not bad… just… different.

He didn’t let himself think about it. Instead, he let Zachary walk him upstairs and to his door. He smiled at him once they got there and allowed himself to be kissed softly until it turned significantly less gentle and more urgent. He didn’t mind. He let himself be pushed against the wall, allowed himself to thread his fingers through Zachary’s short hair, and permitted himself to feel something for the other man.

Sooner he was out of breath and only pulling away because he physically couldn’t breathe. Zachary looked him in the eye, out of breath as well as he pressed his forehead against Cas’. They were exactly the same height, as opposed to Dean being a few inches taller than him.

 _No._ He wasn’t thinking about Dean. He and Dean had broken up _two years ago._ He couldn’t keep comparing Zachary to Dean because _obviously_ Zachary _was not_ Dean. He was Zachary. Zachary with his pale blue eyes and smile that made Castiel happy for once in the last two years. Zachary was his boyfriend now, not Dean.

“Wow,” Cas whispered softly after a few moments.

“Yeah,” the other man responded, and they both laughed softly.

They stayed with their foreheads pressed together for a few moments and eventually, Castiel realized that he didn’t want Zach to leave. “Um,” he started softly, not exactly sure how to go about this. “My, uh, my roommate is spending the night with one of her friends. They’re getting up early for some kind of… shopping, thing. I don’t know. But… she’s not here. So… do you want to maybe come inside for… I don’t know, coffee, or something?”

Zachary laughed and nodded a little, pulling away from Cas to allow him to open the door. “This is nice,” he observed as he walked in behind Castiel. “How long have you lived here?”

“Anna’s lived here for a while. I think she bought it the first day of freshman year,” he said as he walked into the kitchen, motioning for Zachary to follow him. “We met at freshman orientation and… well, she was the only person who didn’t make fun of me for—” _being a train wreck, not knowing up from down, looking like a heartbroken mess, being… me…_ “—not having a single idea what to do. Long story short, we’ve been best friend’s ever since and I moved in with her within the semester,” he paused a moment and turned to face him. “Did you want some coffee, or some water, or—”

“Actually, I just really wanted to see where you lived,” Zachary admitted, “and, well, wanted to spend a bit more time with you before the night’s end.”

Castiel smiled softly and nodded. “Then… living room, I guess,” he said, walking passed Zachary and into the living room. He didn’t know how Anna did this—the whole, ‘bringing guys back to my apartment thing’ that is—because he was _horrible_ at it.

He sat down on the old, slightly tattered, red couch that didn’t match anything else in the apartment but was comfortable as hell. “Sorry, the place is… a wreck. Anna claims to be allergic to cleaning and I’m usually too busy to clean up after her messes.”

Zachary laughed and sat next to Castiel. “It’s alright. Believe me, when you attend medical school, with all the studying you do, it doesn’t leave much time for cleaning.”

“I hope I’m not taking you away from anything import—”

He was silenced with a kiss. It reminded him of the way that Dean used to laugh and kiss him to get him to shut up when he started to yammer on about something stupid.

“We’ve established the fact that I enjoy you company, Cas,” Zachary pointed out before leaning in and kissing Castiel again, his hands on either side of the other man’s face. Castiel eased into the kiss and before he knew it, he was pressed against the couch with Zachary on top of him.

After a few minutes, Zachary pulled away and looked Castiel in the eye. “I hope we aren’t going too fast…” he said, his voice earnest and caring.

“No, not at all,” Castiel rasped. He cleared his throat and bit down on his bottom lip. “Um… if you want we can go back to my room…”

Zachary nodded and got off of Castiel, allowing him to stand up before he took his hand. Castiel led Zachary back to his room and shut the door behind them, hoping to leave any thought or memory of Dean behind that door.


End file.
